


I Followed Fires

by Gwenpools_Aesthetic



Series: WinterDevil/Big Gun Bromance [2]
Category: Daredevil (TV), Marvel (Comics), The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Defenders (Marvel TV)
Genre: Angry Sex, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF Carol Danvers, Bucky Barnes & Clint Barton Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Frank Castle Friendship, Bucky Barnes & Wade Wilson Friendship, Carol Danvers is a Good Bro, Clint Barton & Kate Bishop Friendship, Clint Barton & Matt Murdock Friendship, Deaf Clint Barton, Drinking, Frank Castle & Clint Barton Friendship, Human Disaster Bucky Barnes, Human Disaster Clint Barton, Human Disaster Matt Murdock, Hurt Bucky Barnes, Hurt Matt Murdock, Hydra (Marvel), Jealous Bucky Barnes, Karen Page is a Good Bro, Kate Bishop Is a Good Bro, Look out it's Stilt-Man!!, M/M, Matt Murdock & Jessica Jones Friendship, Minor Foggy Nelson/Marci Stahl, Minor Frank Castle/Karen Page, Minor Kate Bishop/Jessica Jones, Minor Scott Lang/Peter Quill, Old Man Steve Rogers, Past Matt Murdock/Wade Wilson, Peter Parker is a Baby, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Post-Spider-Man: Far From Home, Power Imbalance, So No Actual Team Red, Strike Team, Team Red, Team Red Adjacent, Underage Drinking, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall, Wade Wilson is Secretly Deep, Wade Wilson is a Good Bro, comic book clint barton, mostly movie compliant, tracksuit mafia - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-10-29
Packaged: 2020-09-27 15:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 15
Words: 74,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20410348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gwenpools_Aesthetic/pseuds/Gwenpools_Aesthetic
Summary: “I don’t like the way he looks at you,” Bucky’s voice dropped as he stepped closer, invading Matt’s personal space. “The way he touches you. Don’t like people touching things that are mine.”Matt felt his knees get weak and his stomach tighten. “It’s just for a few weeks, then the whole thing will blow over.”“Y’know, Frank was talking the other night.” Bucky ignored Matt’s previous statement, his voice so quiet that anyone passing might have thought the two men were standing silently, staring at each other. “He got to telling us about when you two first met, and how he apparently tied you to a chimney. Said you started begging to be let go right away. He thought it was funny. Clint thought it was fuckin’ hilarious. At first I wanted to punch him for treatin’ you like that, but then I got to thinkin’ about it and how good you must have looked, tied up and begging.”“Jesus, James.”Bucky licked his lips. “Then I kinda wanted to punch him for gettin’ to see you like that.”WARNING! This takes place immediately following When Hell Freezes Over, but is not in the same tone. Our boys are working through some trauma, and they're not doing it in a healthy way. Mind the tags!





	1. Catholic Guilt at its Finest

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story takes place immediately after the events of Part 1 of the series (When Hell Freezes Over). I guess that's not 100% required reading for the enjoyment of this piece, but it definitely explains why these people are all hanging out together. I would recommend it first!
> 
> Spoilers for Spider-Man Far From Home, Jessica Jones Season 3, and everything that came before those!

It had been all hands on deck when Matt’s phone rang. It was James, of course. He had found Peter, but he wasn’t bringing him back to Nelson & Murdock because who he had actually found was Spider-Man and Spider-Man couldn’t be seen with Matt. To make matters worse, Spider-Man was giving one Michelle Jones a web-swinging ride around Midtown, and any idiot could easily find that Michelle Jones was a student at Peter Parker’s school. A little digging might even find that she and Peter Parker were friends. Maybe even more than friends, which was definitely not helpful to their case. And since when did Peter have a girlfriend anyway? 

Matt could kick himself. 

He hadn’t been paying attention. He knew he hadn’t. Peter needed somebody after Tony Stark had died. He had wanted Matt to be that somebody, and Matt had failed him. Even after they had saved James together, Matt had been reluctant to take Pete out patrolling with him. He was a kid! He shouldn’t be out fighting! He should be studying and having girlfriends and going on class vacations.

And maybe, MAYBE if Matt hadn’t told Peter just exactly that so very many times, maybe if Daredevil hadn’t pushed Spider-Man away over and over again, maybe the poor kid would have had more confidence and Quinten Beck wouldn’t have been able to get under his skin like that. Maybe Matt could have stopped the whole thing before it started. Anyone could see that what had occurred - the entire situation with Mysterio - was nobody’s fault but Matt’s.

Catholic guilt at it’s finest.

But what was done was done. Matt could (and would) feel guilty about it forever, but right now they also needed a plan to move forward. 

“He’s getting on a plane with Happy Hogan as we speak,” Bucky said on the other end of the line. 

“Ok, ok. No that’s good. Thanks, James. What are you…”

“I’m going to go with him,” Bucky answered, before Matt could even finish the sentence. He was in full soldier mode; all action and strategy. “Head back to Avengers HQ. See what I can do from there to help run damage control. Keep the kid protected if nothing else.”

Matt swallowed hard. It made sense, Selfishly, though, he desperately wanted James there with him now, especially with what had happened earlier that day at the exhibit. “Yeah. Yeah, of course.” He paused, a plan forming. His brain didn’t work as fast as James’s, but he could strategize too. “Hey, do you think Happy would talk to me?” 

“You have a plan?”

“Yeah, maybe. The start of one.”

Matt heard a shuffle on the other end of the line, and then silence. James had muted him. He shifted uncomfortably, aware of Foggy and Karen staring at him.

“Mr. Murdock?” Matt recognized the voice from press conferences.

“Mr. Hogan,” he replied. “Thank you for talking to me.”

“Be quick, ok? We don’t have a lot of extra time here. You’re on speaker-phone with Bucky Barnes and Spider-Man.”

“Of course, that’s what I wanted to talk to you about, Mr. Hogan.” Matt’s mind was racing. “We need the public to see Spider-Man and Peter Parker together, fast. Then we can work on clearing Spider-Man’s name. When that happens, I’d like Nelson & Murdock to represent Pete in any trial or hearing that might be held.”

“Why on earth should I agree to do that,” Happy asked, and Matt could hear him holding in a chuckle of disbelief. “Peter needs the best representation around right now, and frankly that’s not you. You’re a fine defense attorney, Mr. Murdock, I’m assuming. I’ve heard nice things about you. But you’ve got nothing on the team Stark assembled. Pete has all the resources he needs right here. He couldn’t do better.”

“That might be true,” Matt said, even though he didn’t believe it. “But you can’t defend both of them. Spider-Man should have the full resources of the Avengers, including Stark Industry’s legal team. If they can get charges dropped for James, then I’m sure they can do the same for Spider-Man. But Pete should have his own counsel. He doesn’t work for SI anymore; he works for Nelson & Murdock. It doesn’t make sense for your team to represent him. Frankly, Mr. Hogan, it looks bad. It’s another connection that the public can draw between the two of them. We need to keep them separate as much as possible.”

There was a pause. “Is this line secure on your end,” Happy asked after a moment. 

Matt knew his phone was. James had seen to that. He pulled the phone away from his ear, focusing and listening. No bugs in the office. Nobody on their floor or the floor beneath them who could be listening in. Nobody on the roof. He lowered his voice anyway. “Yeah, we’re all good over here.”

“This isn’t the route we’re taking.” Happy’s voice was stern and cold. 

“What do you mean?” Matt asked. 

“Pete’s going to admit that he’s Spider-Man, Matt,” Bucky said. “Then he can address Mysterio’s charges.”

“What? Why?”

“It’s the only way,” Pete said, and his voice told Matt everything Matt needed to know. It sounded small and broken. 

“Is that what you want?” Matt asked Pete, knowing the answer. “They can’t make you do anything, Pete. Don’t let them…”

“It’s not like that,” Pete interrupted. “Happy’s trying to help. This really is the only option.”

“It’s not,” Matt said firmly. “It’s all hearsay. The Bugle has no evidence. If we could show the world Peter Parker and Spider-Man standing next to each other, then they would have no choice but to at least print a retraction and apologize.”

The other end of the line was silent. 

“How do you propose we do that?” Happy finally spoke. “Keep them separate? Have them seen together?”

“I could wear the suit…” Matt began.

“No offense, but that’s not going to work,” Pete interrupted. “You can’t wear the suit.”

“Why not?” Matt asked.

“I mean…” Matt could hear Pete’s voice shaking. “You could wear it, but you couldn’t use the webs. It’s not the same as…” he stopped. 

“It’s fine,” Matt said. All the Avengers knew. Frankly, he was surprised Happy didn’t. “If you trust him, I trust him, right? We’re in this together. We’re a team.” He wished he had said the words before; he wished he had lived up to them.

Matt could hear Pete swallow hard. “It’s not the same as what you do,” Pete continued. “At best you’d dislocate a shoulder. At worst it would tear your arm right out of the socket.”

“Wait what does he do?” Matt heard Happy ask in the background. “I thought he was a blind lawyer.”

“Later,” Bucky answered him.

Matt frowned. “Are you sure? I’m strong, Pete. I can take it.”

“You’re not as strong as I am, Matt.” Pete sounded sad. “You’re strong, but you’re still just a regular guy. Hell, I’m not even sure Bucky could handle the suit. I mean, probably? But it would hurt like hell, and plus it probably wouldn’t fit him anyway. Nobody can wear it except me.”

Matt was silent for a moment, trying to push down his pride. He didn’t need to argue the fact that he was a ‘regular guy.’ It was true. Matt knew it was true. So they needed somebody else. Somebody not regular. He was friends with the Avengers, for fuck sake. Pete and James were Avengers. And yet Pete thought none of them would work? None of them could wear the suit? Who was even less regular than the Aveng…  _ Oh shit.  _ A new plan hit Matt right between the eyes. He hated it.  _ Fuck,  _ he thought.  _ Shit, shit, shit, fuck.  _ It was a terrible plan. “What…” he paused again. Was he really going to suggest this? “What if I knew someone who could make it work?”

“Matt, nobody can. They’d get hurt…”

“What if I knew somebody who didn’t care if they got hurt?”

“They wouldn’t care if they lost an arm?” Pete was incredulous.

“No, they wouldn’t,” Matt replied.

Silence.

_ It’s a terrible fucking plan. _

“Matt, who…?” Bucky asked

“It’s not anybody you know. Not anybody I ever wanted you to know. Not anybody you want to meet…”

He could feel Foggy staring at him.

“Is this person the right size?” Happy asked. “The public would believe it was really Spider-Man?”

“He’s the same size as me,” Matt said. “So a little bigger than Pete but close enough.”

“And you think he’d do it, despite the risk?” Pete asked, sounding a little hopeful and still very confused.

“I think he’d do it because of the risk,” Matt said with a sigh.

“Who is this guy? Can we trust him? Why would he help us?” Happy asked.

“You can look him up,” Matt said, resigning himself to the fact that this was probably happening. If Pete was right - if Matt really couldn’t wear the Spidey-Suit - well then he didn’t see how they had many other options available to them. “No, we can’t trust him but I think I can control him. And he’d help us because we’d pay him. We’d have to pay him. We’d probably have to pay him a lot. Hopefully Stark Industries can help with that part? His name is Wade Wilson. He’s a mercenary.” Matt paused. “If you’re not finding him in whatever system you have, check under Deadpool. ”

“Ok,” Happy said, and Matt could tell he had already started the search. “I’ll look him up. We’ve got news-copters following us, so I’m going to take Pete upstate. We’ll land, make it look like everyone’s getting off the plane, then we’ll cloak and fly back to the city. Is there a place you can meet us?”

“Frank and my place,” Bucky suggested. “Clint’s building. It would make sense for Matt to go there anyway, if he was looking for me.”

“Why would he be looking for…” Happy trailed off. “God, I don’t need to know these things. Ok. Good for you both. Mazel Tov and all that. We’ll see you there in an hour, Mr. Murdock.”

The line went dead.

A few minutes later, Matt got a text from Bucky:

James: You really think you can control this guy? He seems like a straight up crazy person.

Matt replied:

He is a straight up crazy person. But yeah I think I can

James: How’d you meet him anyway? Doesn’t seem like your type.

Matt typed ‘Talk to Frank about it,’ then deleted it. He hoped Frank wouldn’t be there when they arrived. Frank and Wade together again, and him in the middle of it? Jesus, why had he suggested this?

It’s a long story. We’ll talk later, ok

James: 👍

“Matt…” Foggy said gently as Matt laid down the phone. “I remember this Wade guy. Didn’t he and Frank try to kill you the last time you saw him?”

“No. I mean, yes a little, but not together. Frank is always trying to kill me...”

“Hey!” Karen protested from across the room.

“Ok, fine,” Matt held up his hands. “Withdrawn. Frank has never tried to kill me except that one time he shot me in the head.”

Karen snorted. “If he had wanted to kill you then, you’d be dead,” she muttered under her breath.

“I can hear you.”

“You think I don’t know that, Murdock?!”

Matt rolled his eyes. “I’m going to head over there in 30 minutes. We need to build an alibi for Peter during the Tower Bridge attack.”

“Didn’t he tell us that his friends were hiding in the Tower?” Foggy asked. “Could he have been with them?”

Matt thought about it for a minute, then shook his head. “No, I don’t think so. There were other people there - people who don’t know about Pete. I don’t think we should be trusting anybody else with that information right now. Not unless absolutely necessary.”

“Ok…” Karen was pacing. “What about this?” Pete was supposed to go to visit family in Germany, right? But he clearly didn’t. He joined his classmates for the flight home. I’m sure Happy has the resources to make it look like he checked in for that flight. So prove that he’s at the airport, waiting to go to Germany, but then he sees the attack and runs out to find his friends. He can’t be at the attack if he’s at the airport.”

“That’s good, Karen.” Matt responded nodding. “That might work. Foggy,” he handed Foggy his phone. “Can you text all of that to Bucky? Ask him if Happy can make it happen.”

“Sure thing,” Foggy said, already tapping out the message.

Matt sat down at his desk and ran his hands through his hair. 

“Done.” Foggy handed Matt back his phone. 

“Ok. Ok thanks. I um… I have to make a phone call. Can I…?” Matt gestured to the door.

Foggy lingered behind as Karen left the office. “You sure this is a good idea, pal?”

Matt laughed. “I’m actually pretty sure it’s not. But I don’t see any other options. You heard Happy. They were just going to out Pete whether he wanted it or not.”

“Is that a bad thing, though?” Foggy asked. “If he’s going to be the public face of the Avengers, shouldn’t the public know that face? The Avengers aren’t vigilantes, Matt. They never have been. They’ve always been-”

“Better?” Matt interrupted him. 

“Different,” Foggy continued. 

Matt shook his head. “This should be Pete’s choice. His decision. I want to give him that choice.”

“Ok,” Foggy replied, turning to leave. “Just be sure you’re doing this for him, Matt.” Foggy shut the door behind him. 

_ Fuck.  _

Matt held his phone tight for a moment, squeezing his eyes shut and massaging his forehead. He took a deep breath. “Call Wade Wilson,” he said to his phone. 

“MATTY!!!!!!” 

Matt was pretty sure he had never heard anyone as excited to hear from him in his entire life. “Hi Wade.” Matt tried to smile.

“Matty! You don’t call. You don’t write. I thought you hated me, buddy! It is so good to hear from you!”

“Of course I don’t hate you, Wade.” Matt sighed. “You just made things a little awkward is all.”

“Yeah,” Wade’s voice was high pitched and, if Matt was being totally honest, a little bit squeaky. Matt didn’t fully understand how he went from that to a low, gravely baritone in one breath. “You like it a little awkward, though, don’t you Matty? Say, how are things with that old man I see you replaced me with? I guess not so great, if you’re calling me. Low-T happens to men of a certain age, Matty. It’s not your fault or his.” 

“I didn’t…” Matt bit the inside of his cheek and resisted the urge to get mad. Wade was trying to get under his skin and he knew it. “I didn’t replace you, Wade. We were never a thing that could be replaced.”

“Oh I know that,” Wade’s voice had shifted again. He was almost whispering. He sounded deadly. Matt shivered. “What we have could never be replaced.”

_ Jesus Christ this was going to be exhausting.  _ “I need your help, Wade. It’s important.”

“You know I’d do anything for you,” Wade purred. “Anything.”

“Are you in New York? Can you meet me somewhere?”

“Oh my god!” Matt could literally hear Wade jumping around his apartment through the phone. “This is a ‘meet in person’ kind of help you need? Should I bring toys? I have so many toys, Matt. I could bring all of them or we could meet at my apartment or…”

“Stop it, Wade!” Matt interrupted him, and this time he couldn’t keep the anger out of his voice. “It’s not like that. You know it’s not like that.”

“It could be like that.” Wade was audibly pouting.

“It’s not. I need your help with something serious. Can you be serious?”

“I mean, I can but I don’t really want to?”

Matt knew that was probably the best he was going to get. “This is Avengers’ business, Wade. They’ll pay you.”

“Money is always a good start. But what else can you offer.” Wade emphasized the ‘you,” drawing it out. 

Matt hated himself. He took a deep breath, and pulled out as much Murdock charm as he could muster. “I’d see it as a personal favor, and then I’d owe you a favor too.”

Matt thought he could hear Wade grinning. He didn’t fully understand how anyone could emote so loudly. 

“I’m in.” 

“Thanks, Wade. Meet me as soon as you can, ok? I’ll text you the address. Can you go there now?”

“Is it your boyfriend’s apartment in Brooklyn?”

Matt froze. “How do you know where he lives?”

“I like keeping eyes on you, Matt. Mostly ‘cause you’re just so pretty.”

_ Fuck,  _ Matt thought.  _ This is not going to go well. _

  
  


***

The press conference went surprisingly well, and Matt allowed himself to breathe a sigh of relief after he was sure the doors had closed securely behind them and there was no risk of his being seen or heard by the horde of reporters outside the door. Peter Parker and “Spider-Man” had stood shoulder to shoulder. Wade had said a few words and shockingly hadn’t veered off script. Pete had looked appropriately awed to be standing next to Spider-Man. Pepper had spun the entire thing as another reason not to believe Mysterio about Spider-Man’s staging the drone attack on New York. Then Wade had swung from the rafters, and he hadn’t even cursed once. Matt couldn’t have asked for more. Maybe it was all going to work out after all.

“Wait, what?” Wade interrupted Matt’s thoughts.

“Hmm?” Matt turned to him.

“That’s all we get? We get three stars? No meeting up at the apartment? No press conference? Give me a break; that’s just lazy!”

“What on earth are you talking about?” Matt had stopped walking to stare at Wade.

“You should be ashamed of yourself, lady.” Wade huffed, shaking his fist at the sky. “You better be saving your energy for a sex scene or I swear to god… usurping my name and everything...” The merc wandered away slowly, still muttering under his breath.

Matt turned to Bucky. “Straight up crazy person,” he said.

“I’m still worried about how you think you can control him, baby,” Bucky replied, brushing a lock of hair off of Matt’s forehead. 

“Right! Speaking of that!” Wade came bouncing back, threading his arm beneath Matt’s and pressing himself in between Matt and Bucky. He laid his head on Matt’s shoulder. “You promised me a reward if I was good.”

“Wade, stop it.” Matt stepped away, separating himself from the man still dressed in Spider-Man’s suit.

Wade gasped, and Matt felt like he could actually feel the man pouting. “Why would you lie like that, Daddy? Is it because of the big bad murder kitten?” Wade gestured at Bucky. “I need you to talk lawyer to me.” His voice had gone from sing-song to practically growling. “Give me what you promised.”

Matt dragged his hands through his hair. “Jesus Wade I thought you were joking.”

“Why would I joke about something like that?” Wade’s voice was dry and gravely. “Come on, counselor. Tell me about your briefs.”

Matt sighed and rolled his eyes behind his red glasses. “Tomorrow, ok Wade? Come to my office tomorrow and I’ll talk to you about my cases. But I can’t give you any specifics! I have to protect my clients’ confidentiality.”

Wade nodded aggressively, his head wobbling around like a bobble head version of himself. 

“And Wade,” Matt added before the man could run off again, “Normal clothes. No Spider-Man, no Deadpool. Just a normal guy in normal clothes. You still need to behave, ok, or the rest of the deal is off. You still have a job to do.”

Wade leaned in. “Got it. I can behave for you, Matty” he whispered in Matt’s ear, and then he dragged his mouth, still covered in Spider-Man’s mask, up the side of Matt’s face from his chin to his ear. It felt warm and damp and Matt shuddered.

He placed a hand firmly on Wade’s shoulder, pushing and holding the man away from him. “Wade,” Matt said, and his voice was deadly cold. “Did you just try to lick me through the suit.”

“It’s possible.”

“Do not. Ever. Do that again.”

“Good call,” Wade’s voice was still chipper. “It tasted real gross. I don’t think lil’ Petey gets this thing dry cleaned as much as he should.” And then he was gone.

Matt stood for a moment, dumbfounded. “Is he…” Matt turned to Bucky. “Is he fucking skipping?”

Bucky nodded. 

The two men started walking again. 

“What did you promise him anyway?” Bucky asked after they had walked a bit.

“He asked me to talk to him in my Lawyer Voice,” Matt said. “I thought he was joking. I only have one voice.”

Matt could feel Bucky grit his teeth.

“What?”

“Nothing. It’s fine.”

“Really, what?”

“You definitely have a lawyer voice.” Bucky said, and something in his voice made Matt wonder if the plan was going to fail after all, not because Wade fucked it up, but because James killed Wade. 

“Hey,” Matt stopped walking again. He stepped in front of Bucky and grabbed the man’s hands. It still felt strange to hold hands that were larger than his own. “Wade is insane. Like actually, clinically insane. Diagnosed. He gets off on making people uncomfortable. He’s trying to get under your skin.”

“It’s working,” Bucky grunted.

Matt brought Bucky’s hands up to his lips, and kissed the knuckles gently. “We need his help. Pete needs his help.”

“I’ll just be happy when it’s over and he’s gone.”

Matt nodded. “Me too.”

“I don’t like the way he looks at you,” Bucky’s voice dropped as he stepped closer, invading Matt’s personal space. “The way he touches you. Don’t like people touching things that are mine.”

Matt felt his knees get weak and his stomach tighten. “It’s just for a few weeks, then the whole thing will blow over. People will find something else to gossip about.”

“Y’know, Frank was talking the other night.” Bucky ignored Matt’s previous statement, his voice so quiet that anyone passing might have thought the two men were standing silently, staring at each other. “He got to telling us about when you two first met, and how he apparently tied you to a chimney. Said you started begging to be let go right away. He thought it was funny. Clint thought it was fuckin’ hilarious. At first I wanted to punch him for treatin’ you like that, but then I got to thinkin’ about it and how good you must have looked, tied up and begging.”

“Jesus, James.”

Bucky licked his lips. “Then I kinda wanted to punch him for gettin’ to see you like that.” 

“Hmgf.”

“Is that so?” Bucky grinned at him. “So eloquent. Let’s see what other noises I can get to come out of that pretty mouth of yours.” Bucky looked around once, then snaked an arm around Matt’s waist and pulled him backwards. Matt heard a small beep as Bucky’s hand pressed up against a scanner, then they fell through the door into a small room. It smelt faintly of cleaning supplies and gunpowder. There was a wooden table and a box that Matt suspected was a safe. Shelves holding heavy, leaded cases lined the walls.

“Weapons locker,” Bucky whispered in his ear. “My weapons locker. Nobody can get in without this.” He pressed his hand firmly against Matt’s chest, pushing Matt backwards until Matt bumped into the table behind him. “Everything in here is right where I want it.” Bucky moved his hand from Matt’s chest to his shoulder, pushing down firmly until Matt was kneeling in front of him. “Everything.”

Matt was panting, all thought of where they were supposed to be and what they needed to do next gone from his mind. He pushed his nose into Bucky’s crotch and breathed deeply, the fabric of Bucky’s pants rough against his face. He could feel Bucky’s blood rushing under his own cheek.

“You’re mine, Murdock,” Bucky growled at him. “You do what you need to do to keep Pete safe, but don’t you forget that for a second. You’re mine and I don’t want to share you.”

Matt nodded. “Please,” he whispered. “Yours. Please.”

Bucky smiled and unzipped his pants, pushing them down around his knees. “Show me.”

Matt was on him in an instant, tongue licking a stripe up the underside of Bucky’s cock before swirling around the tip. His hands wrapped around Bucky’s ass for leverage as he took Bucky into his mouth. Bucky groaned and ran his fingers through Matt’s hair. Matt was taking his time, and part of Bucky wanted to grab on tight - to hold Matt’s head in place and fuck into his mouth - to show Matt that he truly belonged to him, but he resisted. Matt was as skilled with his mouth as he was with his fingers, and doing anything to limit that talent seemed like a shame.  _ Still…  _ Bucky thought, then quickly pushed the thought away. 

Matt groaned, arching his back and rolling his neck. Bucky rationally knew that he was just reaching a new spot. He felt Matt’s mouth do things that he didn’t think anyone’s mouth had ever done before. But at the same time, he seemed to roll his hair through Bucky’s fingers, putting himself right where Bucky would want him if he were to grab him. Bucky tensed his fingers just slightly, and then released them, and Matt whimpered at his feet. Bucky wondered, and not for the first time, if the man could actually read minds and not just hear whispers. 

Bucky gasped as Matt surged forward, taking all of him into his throat and swallowing around him. He felt Matt’s throat constrict as he gagged slightly, working to keep Bucky as deep as possible, still flicking his tongue expertly over his tip. Bucky looked down at the man on his knees in front of him. His hair was disheveled and his face was flushed. He had taken off his glasses and tears were leaking from beneath his dark lashes. Matt drooled slightly, struggling to hold Bucky in his throat. Bucky couldn’t resist. He pushed forward, and was rewarded by a wanton groan. “Move,” Bucky growled, not trusting himself to take what he wanted without hurting Matt.

Matt did as he was told, pulling back until only the tip remained in his mouth, then thrusting himself forward again until Bucky felt the back of Matt’s throat. He worked himself up and down, licking and slurping and swirling his tongue until Bucky felt himself tightening. Still, Matt didn’t need his help. The man held on tight to Bucky’s thighs, bracing himself and holding him deep even as Bucky erupted down his throat.

“Jesus hell, Matt,” Bucky said roughly, hauling him up to his feet. His knees were weak, but Bucky supported Matt easily as he unbuttoned his fly, pushing his pants down just enough to get his hand around Matt’s dick. Matt gasped and buried his head in Bucky’s shoulder, biting down to keep himself from crying out. “God I love how sensitive you are,” Bucky whispered harshly, working Matt quickly as the man trebled in his arms. “Come on, baby. Don’t fight it. Give me what I want.” 

Matt let out a cry loud enough that anyone walking past could have heard as he came on Bucky’s hand. A blush spread across his face.

“I fucking love you,” Bucky murmured, cleaning them both up with a tissue. “You get down all filthy on your knees like that for me, and still manage to look all shy like a fucking Catholic school girl.”

Matt’s blush deepened.

“Just feel what you do to me, baby.” Bucky took Matt’s hand and placed it over his already growing erection.

“I…” Matt was still trying to catch his breath. “I could… again. If you wanted…”

“Uh uh.” Bucky was already pulling up his pants. “Pepper’s going to be looking for us for sure. You don’t want to keep Ms. Potts waiting.”

Matt shook his head no, agreeing. He buttoned his pants and tried to fix his hair. Bucky smiled at him and smoothed it into place, and Matt leaned into his hand. “James…” he was practically begging.

“Yeah, baby?” Bucky took Matt by the shoulders, holding him gently, still supporting him.

Matt shook his head again, blinking away whatever thought he’d had. “Nothing. Do I look ok? Can I… is it obvious?”

Bucky smiled at him. “Only to me, baby.” He kissed Matt slowly, savoring his own taste on Matt’s lips. Then he handed Matt his glasses and guided him gently out the door. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey I guess we're back!!! I just kept thinking about these guys, and I realized they had more stories to tell. As always, please leave me any comments you have. I am now basically just imagining ridiculous scenarios for our boys to get into, so if there is something you want to see let me know and I will do my best to work it into this story or a future one. Nothing is too ridiculous!
> 
> I check my email in the morning and the "you have kudos!" message gives me the strength I need to get out of bed! <3


	2. Thank You May I Have Another

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot to say this last week, but my thanks and love as always go to Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat!

“Thank you both for joining us.” Pepper Pott’s voice was cool, her smile clearly forced. “Did you get lost on the way here?”

Standing in the corner, still dressed as Spider-Man, Wade Wilson cackled and gave a thumbs up to nobody in particular.

“Something like that,” Bucky drawled. Matt’s hand was tucked in the crook of his elbow and Bucky squeezed it possessively. 

“As I was saying,” Pepper continued the conversation already in progress. “We can all agree that you did a fine job today, Mr. Wilson. The first part of your contract has been fulfilled and you will be paid as such. However, I think we are all in agreement that you cannot be given full autonomy when embodying the Spider-Man persona. I believe the agreed upon time was up to two months?” She looked at Matt, who nodded in agreement. “For those two months,” she continued, speaking to Wade directly, “you will need to have constant supervision by a member of the team, both in the suit and out of it.”

“Oh, goody!” Wade interrupted her. “Can I please request Matty for my out-of-suit supervision time? Rawrr!”

Matt felt Bucky get even tenser at his side, a growl forming in his throat.

“That’s enough, Wade.” Matt was thankful that his voice came out commanding, not matching the panic he felt starting to build inside.

“Yes please, Daddy. More of that,” Wade said beneath his breath. Matt knew that, with Bucky’s own enhanced hearing, he could hear Wade too. He wondered if Wade knew that Bucky could hear him. Matt suspected that he did.

“He can stay with us,” Clint spoke first. “I’m going to be in New York for a while. Kate’s going to be in town, too, so that means there will be four of us who can take turns watching him. Myself, Kate, Frank, and Bucky. Five if Matt is willing to join us.”

“Cozy,” Wade giggled. “But are you sure that’s a good idea? Mr. Castle and I have history…”

“Yes,” Clint interrupted him coldly. “He told me all about you.”

“Hmm… I’m sure he exaggerated some. That man is too violent, and you know that’s saying something when it’s coming from me. Well Matty had better be joining the party. Nobody gives an order like he does.” Wade’s voice dropped again, and this time Matt was certain Wade knew that Bucky could hear it. “Nobody takes an order like Matty does either, but I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that.”

Matt could feel himself blushing. He quickly pushed it down, but the skip in Bucky’s heartbeat told him that Bucky had seen. 

“Then it’s settled,” Pepper pushed the conversation forward, clearly aware that something else was happening, and not having any interest in discovering what it was. “Mr. Wilson, please consider yourself assigned to Matt Murdock, Clint Barton, Frank Castle, Bucky Barnes, and Kate Bishop. You will remain with at least one of the aforementioned at all times. You will maintain a level of dignity appropriate to Spider-Man and the Avengers at all times, whether in or out of the suit. That means no killing anyone, Mr. Wilson, and no taking other contracts while you’re working this one. Is that perfectly clear?”

“Perfectly,” Wade grinned back at her.

“You will go out patrolling as Spider-Man with one or more members of your team, at least three nights a week, for the next two months. A member of your team will inform Happy and myself of when said patrolling will take place, so we can have Mr. Parker seen elsewhere. After two months, you will return the suit and you will never speak of this again. Any attempts to share what has happened here will result in immediate legal action backed by the full resources of Stark Industries and the Stark Foundation. Do you understand?”

“You’re really hot,” Wade choked out.

“MR. WILSON!”

“Yes, yes I understand, Ma’am. Thank you may I have another.”

Pepper threw her hands in the air. “Mr. Murdock, can you please ask your client to be serious?”

“Wait. I’m his client?”

“Yeah,” Matt said angrily. “I vouched for you, Wade. If you screw up, it’s as much on me as it is on you. So please,” Matt gritted his teeth. “Stop messing around and treat Ms. Potts with the respect she deserves. And while you’re at it, consider treating the Avengers with a little respect too.”

“Fuck me, ok.” Matt was surprised to hear Wade actually sound apologetic. It didn’t seem like an act. “I didn’t realize. Sorry. Yes. Yes, Ms. Potts, I was 100% paying attention and I agree to all of your terms. I really like Spider-Man. He seems awesome. The kids look up to him. He’s a good role model. And Pete seems super fantastic, too, from the little I’ve gotten to know him. I don’t want anything bad to happen to either of them, so I am here for this, committed. Ready to help.” He saluted the room. 

“Thank you,” Matt said to him, sincerely.

Wade nodded, and Matt heard his pulse speed up just a little. Matt smiled at him, and then chastised himself when Wade’s pulse increased again.

Pepper continued: “After the two months have been completed, you will be properly compensated. Do you have any questions.”

“No, thank you.” 

“Ok. Then I think we’re done here.”

The room emptied until Matt, Bucky, and Wade were the only three who remained. Wade pulled off the Spider-Man mask for the first time since putting it on. 

“I didn’t realize…” Wade said quietly to Matt. “For you to be the one, even after everything that happened… I guess I just assumed one of the Hawkeyes pegged me for this gig. This kid is real important to you, then?”

Matt nodded.

“Listen, I’m sorry I was a jerk. It’s just too much. Being here with the Avengers? Being here with you and hottie McTightpants?” Bucky growled again and Wade dropped his eyes to the floor. “I’m sorry. Its… I get nervous and I overcompensate. I really don’t mean to be like this. It just comes out sometimes, you know?”

Matt did know. He remembered the first time Bucky had invited him to meet the rest of the team. “Can you handle this?” he asked Wade.

“You know I can.” Wade reached out gently towards Matt’s arm and Matt stiffened. Wade stopped, and pulled back without touching him. He looked at Bucky. “He’s one of the good ones. You’re real lucky. Don’t forget that.” Then he turned and walked out the door, leaving Matt and Bucky alone in the conference room.

*** 

“How could you have slept with him?!?” Bucky sounded more disgusted than mad.

“It was a long time ago, James.”

“Still! I mean, I know you’re blind but hell. His face, Matt.”

Matt blinked, taken aback. “That’s not what it’s about for me, James.”

“Oh, so it was his personality that you were attracted to? That’s even worse!”

“Listen,” Matt was starting to get angry. He shouldn’t have to defend himself. Not like this. “I get that you’re slumming it here with me, but we can’t all have a history of only dating paragons of virtue and physical perfection.”

Bucky stood for a moment, open mouthed. “Slumming it? What does that even mean?”

“Oh please,” Matt took a few steps away carefully. They were back in Bucky’s Avengers’ apartment, and Matt hadn’t spent quite enough time there to move around easily. “Anyone would be a disappointment after a lifetime with Captain America.”

Bucky made a choking noise. “Is that what you think? That you’re a disappointment? That’s why you slept with him?”

“I slept with him years ago, James. Long before I met you. Hell, I slept with him before I even knew the Winter Soldier existed. If I have to defend everyone I’ve ever slept with…” Matt trailed off. 

“We’d be here a long time, huh?”

“What do you want from me?” Matt threw his hands up into the air. “I like having him around even less than you do, but we all agreed it was the only way to protect Pete and now we’re stuck with him ok?”

Bucky was silent. 

“James.” Matt took a step back towards him. “James, tell me what you want from me.” He lowered his voice. “It’s just you. There is no one else for me. How can I prove that to you? Tell me what to do. Anything. Tell me, and I’ll show you that I’m only yours.”

Bucky took a step backwards, shaking his head. “That’s what he said: that you knew how to take an order. Jesus, Matt. Does he know you better than I do? I can’t do this. I need to go get some air.”

“James…” Matt started, but Bucky was gone, backing into the hallway and closing the door behind him. He took off running, unsure of where he was going, just knowing he needed to get as far away as possible before Matt tried to follow him. 

Bucky knew he wasn’t being fair. He knew it and he was already sorry, but he wasn’t ready to talk about it. Not yet. Wade bothered him, and the thought of Matt and Wade together… it was too much. And Matt was right; it wasn’t fair to ask him to defend everyone he’d ever slept with. Bucky would certainly fail that test too. He knew he had made some very bad choices in his youth… But the way Matt responded to Wade; it didn’t feel like he thought it was a bad choice at all. Matt said he didn’t want Wade here, but the way the two men reacted to each other...

Bucky shook his head, trying to clear it. He needed to get some fresh air. He needed to break things. Preferably both at the same time. He turned on his heel, heading back to his weapons locker, trying not to think about what had just happened there, the scent of sex still lingering in the air. He retrieved a black bag full of throwing axes, hung it over his shoulder, and headed for the nearest exit.

The plan was to practice throwing at trees. It really was. It wasn’t Bucky’s fault that he stepped out a door and found himself face to face with a row of purple targets. He didn’t even know Clint had an archery range. He set down his bag, pulled out an ax, and threw it. It sank into the target with a deeply satisfying thud. Bucky grinned, pulled out several more axes, and began to throw, each embedding deeply into the targets. 

“WHAT THE FUTZ!?”

Bucky spun around at the voice behind him, and found himself staring at a young girl wearing a large floppy brimmed hat, a purple t-shirt, and what appeared to be dark purple designer jeans. She had a Starbucks cup in one hand, and a bow and quiver hung over her other shoulder. “WHO THE FUTZ ARE YOU?!?!”

Bucky opened his mouth and then closed it again. 

Clint came running out of the building. “Awww.. Targets, no. Damn it, Bucky!”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” the girl asked. 

Bucky grimaced, holding out his hand. “Hi,” he said, wincing slightly. “Bucky Barnes. Nice to meet you, miss…”

“Oh shit,” the girl shook his hand, looking at Clint in horror. “That Bucky?” She turned back to Bucky. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Barnes the Winter Soldier, sir.” Bucky’s eyes were wide as she continued to shake his hand. “I just figured you’d be meaner and scarier and… I mean, not that you’re not scary. You’re very scary. And the axes. Those are also very scary. You are appropriately scary. I’m sorry. I should shut up now. I’m the worst. I’ll go.” She was still shaking his hand. 

Bucky turned to Clint, unsure what to do. “Kate Bishop, I assume?”

“Oh, god. Yes. That’s me. Hawkeye. I’m sorry; you don’t care. You can, of course, use our targets for whatever you need, sir. I…”

“It’s very nice to meet you, Miss Bishop,” he said, forcibly removing his hand from hers. 

“You can’t use my targets,” Clint clarified.

“I didn’t mean to mess with your stuff,” Bucky tried to explain. “They were just here and I thought…” he walked over to one and pulled an ax out. It took a large chunk of foam with it. “Oh… shit,” Bucky said, realizing what he had done. The targets he hit were ruined. “I didn’t know. I didn’t realize…”

“I’d say it’s ok, but it’s not,” Clint said gently, walking over and putting a hand on Bucky’s back. “But are you ok, man? You don’t seem ok. I’m here. Do you want to talk about it?”

Bucky shook his head no.

“Are you sure?”

“I can go!” Kate piped in from behind them. “If this is like bro stuff? I’m not really a bro, but I can be a bro if you need me to be a bro…” She trailed off, shaking her head. “Jesus, Kate. Learn to shut the futz up already.”

“It’s just this Deadpool guy,” Bucky grumbled. “I don’t like him.”

“No?” Clint asked. “I mean, I get it. He’s loud and obnoxious and crude, but at the end of the day his heart is in the right place. We all deal with our trauma differently, man.”

Bucky glared at him. Did Clint get it? He had been in the same meeting - had seen what Bucky saw. Now he was talking about trauma while Bucky was talking about the dude who had fucked his boyfriend. “I’m sorry I broke your shit,” he huffed out. “I gotta go.”

Clint and Kate watched him stomp off to the tree-line in the distance. After a moment, Kate bent over and pulled one of the axes out of the bag. It looked bigger in her hand than it had in Bucky’s. She tossed it gingerly into the air, caught it, and turned to Clint. “I would like to also throw these, please.”

Clint snorted. “Yeah, me too. Come on, the targets are already ruined.”

“The last time I saw Deadpool, he brought me a rocket launcher. Do you think he brought me a rocket launcher this time?” Kate asked, as she threw the ax. It landed near the center of the target.

“He’s here pretending to be Spider-Man, Katie.” Clint replied, throwing his own ax. It landed slightly outside of Kate’s. “Spider-Man doesn’t use rocket launchers.”

“Exactly,” Kate said, throwing again. “So, like, he’d need to get rid of any extra rocket launchers he might have lying around. And don't call me Katie.”

Bucky could still hear the Hawkeyes being ridiculous as he reached the tree-line. He walked towards the river, the ground sloping down in front of him. In the distance he heard thunder rumbling and he wondered for a moment if Thor was around.  _ Probably not,  _ he thought. More likely it was just a late summer thunderstorm. 

He had just reached the shoreline when it started to rain, a warm, heavy, summer rain that soaked him through almost immediately. It was mostly grassy where he was standing, the countryside sloping down to the river with just a thin line of loose stones serving as a beach. A few feet to the left there was an outcropping of large boulders that reached further out into the river. Bucky pushed his now dripping hair out of his eyes and tied it back. He walked to the river’s edge. The sky was grey and thick with clouds, some of them dark enough to be almost purple. The river was black. Thunder rumbled again. 

Bucky picked up a large stone and flung it into the river. It hit the water with a satisfying plop. Bucky walked a few steps, looking down at the rocks beneath his feet. He picked up another stone, flat this time, and held it in his hand carefully, lining up the edges of the stone with his first finger and the fleshy part of his palm. He pulled back, then released the stone with a snap of his wrist.  _ One… two… three… four…  _ he counted, as the stone skipped across the water. Not bad. He could do better. He walked until he found another stone, paused, and threw again:  _ One… two… three… four… five… six. Fuck yeah.  _

The lightning was brighter than Bucky expected, and it left him seeing spots. The thunder followed almost immediately after, and Bucky felt it reverberate in his chest. He found another stone and threw it:  _ One… two… three…  _ The rain was falling even harder, the wind picking up, making the water choppy. It was going to be almost impossible to skip stones now. 

_ Fine. Fuck it.  _ Bucky thought, as he used his vibranium arm to pick up a rock as big as his head. Bucky walked up off the beach onto the boulders, carefully picking his way to the very edge of the rocks and staring down at the rough water below. He threw the rock as hard as he could, and his feet slipped slightly on the wet rocks beneath him. He regained his balance, and then allowed himself a moment of vain pleasure to reflect on how far the rock had sailed. The lightning and thunder came at the same time. “Ok! Ok, I’m going back!” Bucky shouted at the storm. He turned on his heel, not paying attention to his footing. This time he couldn’t recover, and he was sliding and falling into the water, landing with a splash. 

Bucky laughed loudly. It was fine. He hadn’t fallen far, the current was strong but the water wasn’t that deep, and he had already been soaking wet so it wasn’t like he was getting any wetter. “Is that all you got?!” He shouted again, gesturing wildly at the sky.

The lightning struck again, and this time it found a thick piece of metal sticking up from the water. 

Bucky squeezed his eyes shut. He expected it to hurt. He braced himself for the pain.

There was nothing. 

He opened his eyes carefully, staring at the lightning rod that was his vibranium arm. It was pulsing slightly, a purple light, and a thin trail of smoke came from his pinky finger. “Oh shit.”

Bucky walked carefully out of the river, holding his arm above his head to keep it from touching the waist deep water. It was still getting wet from the rain, but he knew water was conductive and he didn’t want to take any risks. He knew the drill. Vibranium stored energy to be released later. He had too much energy stored, and he needed to release it somehow - preferably not on himself. 

The storm was already lessening, seemingly having accomplished its goal, and by the time Bucky reached the shoreline, the rain was no more than a drizzle. He sat on the ground, holding his arm away from his body as if were a bomb. 

_ Shuri,  _ he thought.  _ Shuri will know what to do.  _ He knew she would mock him mercilessly, too, but at this point he figured that was a consequence worth accepting. He carefully sat up on his knees and used his flesh hand to pull his phone out of his back pocket.

It was dead, of course. It had been in the water for too long. 

“Fuck,” Bucky muttered, sitting back down. 

“Hey friend.” The voice called out from behind him, and Bucky did not jump because he was the world’s greatest assassin and he had suffered enough indignity for one day, thank you very much.

Bucky turned his head to see Wade Wilson, dressed in jeans and a wet sweatshirt, walking down the grassy bank towards him. 

“You ok out here?”

“Go away,” Bucky responded gruffly.

Wade held up both hands. “Ok. Ok, I will. I just need to talk to you for five minutes, ok? Can I have five minutes?”

Bucky grunted.

“I’m going to take that as a yes.” Wade sat down on the ground next to Bucky. “I shouldn’t have acted like I did. I shouldn’t have said what I did to Matt or to you. I’m sorry. He and I… we have history. I know he can take it. But that’s not fair to you.” Wade paused, staring out at the water. “I’m not great at first impressions. Hell, I’m not great at second or third impressions either. I know that. And I don’t expect you to like me. But I don’t have a lot of friends, and Matt is my friend, and I don’t want to lose that. He clearly loves you. If you tell him to never talk to me again, he’ll never talk to me again, and I don’t think I could take that.” Wade had adjusted so he was now sitting on his knees, facing Bucky. “Can we start over? I promise to try my hardest not to be an ass, if you can just give me a second chance. Can you do that?”

Bucky turned and looked at him. The man’s face was grotesque, but sad. His eyes were honest. Bucky believed him. Bucky believed that Wade wasn’t trying to hurt him, and that Wade wasn’t trying to get back together with Matt. He heard Clint’s voice in his head:  _ We all deal with our trauma differently.  _ Bucky slowly reached out his hand towards Wade. “Nope,” he whispered, before placing his vibranium hand directly on Wade’s chest. 

There was a loud crack and a flash of light, and Wade Wilson flew backwards. 

Bucky smiled and stood up, dusting off his hands. He walked over to where Wade was lying sprawled out on his back, several yards away. Smoke was coming out of his ears. He coughed weakly. Bucky stared down at him. “Stay away from my boyfriend or I’ll fucking kill you,” he spat. 

He turned and cheerfully started to walk back from the complex. Behind him, Bucky heard Wade call out:

“Hey! Hey wait! You can’t just leave me like this! This needs to be resolved!! I swear to god, if you do the three star thing…”

Bucky tuned him out. The man was insane. 

***

Bucky hesitated for just a moment outside his door before knocking. 

“It’s your apartment, James!” Matt called from inside. “You don’t need to knock!”

He opened the door. “I didn’t want to surprise you,” he said quietly.

“I heard you as soon as you came back into the building,” Matt replied, standing up from where he had been sitting on the couch, reading one of the science fiction books Bucky had on his shelves.

“I like that one,” Bucky said, gesturing at the book. “I remember being really confused the first time I read it, but it makes a lot more sense now.”

Matt smiled sadly. “I like old books,” he said. “They’re printed differently. Makes them easier to read. Everything printed today is so glossy.”

“Hey,” Bucky said, stepping forward and wrapping his arms around Matt. “I’m sorry. I overreacted. Can you forgive me?”

“Always,” Matt snuggled into his wet shirt. “But you’re cold. You’ve been in the river?”

“How would you know that?” Bucky asked, pulling back to look at Matt but not letting go of him.

“You smell like the river.” Matt smiled. “And you talked to Wade?” He turned his face up to Bucky’s. “You smell like him, too. And something else? Like, ozone or an electrical fire.” Matt’s expression grew worried. “James are you ok?”

Bucky kissed Matt gently on the nose. “I never cease to be amazed by you. Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’m cold. And yes, I’ve been in the river.” 

“And the other two?” Matt asked, leading Bucky to the bathroom. Matt turned on the shower and began to strip off Bucky’s wet clothes - first his shirt, followed by his pants.

“Yes, I saw Wade. He talked. Briefly.” Bucky shivered slightly, standing naked in the bathroom, even as he felt the steam from the warm shower surround him. 

“Did he do something to you?” Matt asked, worried. “Your arm smells weird, James. I don’t understand what’s happening…”

“It’s not…” Bucky gently cupped Matt’s chin, holding his face still. “Wade didn’t do anything to me. It’s fine. I’m fine. My arm is fine.”

Matt nodded. “Ok,” he said quietly, but Bucky could still hear the question lingering there. Matt bit his lower lip. “Can I join you?” he asked, gesturing to the shower. 

“I would like that very much,” Bucky answered, slipping his hands under Matt’s shirt and pulling it up over his head. He wrapped his flesh arm around Matt’s back, pulling him closer but leaving just enough room to trail his vibranium arm down Matt’s chest until it reached his pants. Bucky unbuttoned Matt’s pants, then paused to lean in and lick at his ear. “Has it been long enough?” He whispered. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

Matt pushed his pants down and stepped out of them. He was already hard, and his erection slapped against his stomach. “Get in the shower,” he said roughly. “You’re supposed to be warming up.”

“Might need your help with that.” Bucky stepped back into the shower, holding Matt’s hand and pulling him with. “Maybe we should huddle together to conserve body heat.”

“They teach you that in the war?” Matt asked, pushing himself into Bucky’s space. “Huddled up in the trenches? Nothing to do but keep each other warm? I was never a soldier.” He licked a stripe up Bucky’s neck and bit down on his ear. “Maybe you need to show me.”

Bucky pushed back into Matt, forcing him up against the shower wall behind him. He ground his hips forward into Matt’s, rubbing their hard lengths together. 

“A little physical exertion,” Matt gasped out. “That’s the best way to warm up, if you ask me.”

“Yeah?” Bucky asked, and he bit down gently on Matt’s collar bone, eliciting a shout of appreciation. “You going to wear me out, then?” Bucky kissed and sucked along Matt’s neck and chest, leaving marks as he went. “Nobody’s going to question who you belong to,” he whispered.

“Damn it, James,” Matt whined. “Please. I’ve been sitting here waiting for you to come back for hours. Please fuck me.”

Bucky growled and pushed into Matt even harder. Then he grabbed a small package of lube from a shelf above their heads and opened it, squeezing half the contents into his hand. He reached between them and grabbed both of their lengths together, sliding his hand over both of them. Matt’s head rolled back and he cried out, still a little over-sensitive from their time in the weapons locker despite what he had said to Bucky. “Please,” he gasped. “Please, James.”

Bucky spun Matt around and pushed him up against the cool tile of the shower wall. The change in temperature on his cock was extreme, and he let out a sound that was half groan and half squeak. Bucky chuckled. “So many new noises today.” He placed his hands firmly on Matt’s hips, then knelt down on the floor behind him. Matt started to squirm, realizing what was about to happen, but Bucky held him tight.

“Oh God,” Matt gasped. “I can’t. It’s…”

“If it’s too much, you’ll stop me ok? Let’s just see.” Bucky gave a warning lick up Matt’s lower back, then he kissed down until his mouth landed on Matt’s tight hole. “You ready?” he asked softly.

“You ready to catch me if my knees give out?” Matt asked back.

“Always,” Bucky whispered, and he licked gently, his tongue teasing the rim. 

Matt tried to buck his hips, to get away, but Bucky held him firmly. He pressed the flat of his tongue down over Matt’s hole, and marveled as the man began to tremble. “So fucking responsive,” he murmured, loud enough that he knew Matt could hear him just fine, and then he did it again - just pressing his tongue over Matt, holding it there, feeling Matt’s tight muscles twitch under him. 

Matt slammed the side of his fist into the wall of the shower, hard, and Bucky laughed. “This place is reinforced for super-soldiers, baby. Do your worst.” Matt’s growl choked in the back of his throat, rising into a high pitched gasp as Bucky dipped the tip of his tongue into his hole and teased it against the rim. Matt’s entire body shook and Bucky pulled back, trailing a line of kisses and bites along the curve of Matt’s ass. “Could you come, just from this?” he asked, and then pushed his tongue back in, more firmly this time, still holding tightly onto Matt’s hips. Matt didn’t answer, and Bucky relished the way the man in front of him struggled, unable to get away. Unable to get more. Unable even to speak. “We’ll have to save that for another day,” Bucky pulled back again to speak, knowing full well that each pass of his stubbly beard would be torment on the back of Matt’s sensitive thighs. “I’ve got plans for you.”

Matt tried to find some purchase on the wall to hold on to, but there was nothing and his hands clawed at the tile fruitlessly. He moaned and cried out as Bucky fucked into him slowly with his tongue, always pulling back when Matt got too close to the edge. When Matt was loose and dripping Bucky pushed in first one finger, then a second, making room for him to lick deeper, the sensation building until Matt felt like his legs were turning to liquid and he might be swept down the drain with the rest of the water pouring out of shower head. He didn’t realize he was making soft begging noises until James was standing up, whispering in his ear, telling him that it was going to be ok. He felt James line up behind him and slide in effortlessly, one arm wrapped around his body, supporting his weight fully as if it were nothing. 

“I’ve got you, baby,” James whispered gently, sliding slowly in and out of Matt, who realized in that moment that he was also crying. “You are so perfect. So perfect. I’ve got you.” James wrapped his free hand around Matt’s cock and began stroking him gently. “I’m so close, baby. Can you come for me? I want to feel you around me.” He adjusted his angle so he was stroking Matt’s prostate with every slow thrust, his hand working in rhythm. Matt gasped again and he was coming, having been given the permission he didn’t even realize he was waiting for. He clenched down on James, who followed close behind. 

Bucky stood there for several minutes, still supporting Matt, letting both of them catch their breaths, before he carefully separated himself from the blind man in front of him. He had learned that now, in this moment, it was most important that he stayed in physical contact with Matt - that Matt’s senses were muddled, and that he would take a long time to forgive Bucky if he walked into a wall or fall off a bed post-sex. That had only happened once, but Bucky was a quick learner. He wasn’t about to let it happen again. Now he kept one hand gently on Matt’s hip and the other on his arm as he guided them both back under the water, rinsing them off. Then he led Matt out of the shower and wrapped him in a fluffy towel before moving him into the bedroom and gently laying him down on the bed. Bucky crawled in next to him, and pulled the covers up over them both.

Matt sighed deeply and rolled over, burying his nose in Bucky’s side. “You still smell weird,” he mumbled after a several minutes.

Bucky laughed. “But at least I’m warm. Welcome back, by the way.” 

Matt smiled. “Will you tell me what happened?” he asked.

“I don’t really want to,” Bucky admitted. “But you’re going to find out anyway so I suppose it should be from me.”

“You wrecked Clint’s targets,” Matt started, “and then you took a swim in the Hudson?”

“How did you know about the targets?”

“I overheard Clint and some girl named Kate talking about it. Is she also Hawkeye? That’s very confusing. What’s with the Avengers taking on so many kids?”

“It is very confusing,” Bucky agreed. “But she mostly hangs out on the West Coast so it’s ok.” He paused. “I didn’t take a swim. Not on purpose, anyway. I walked down to the river and I was skipping stones and I slipped and fell into the water.”

Matt snorted.

“And then I got struck by lightning.”

“Wait, what?” Matt sat up in bed, concerned. “That’s what that smell is! Jesus, James. Are you ok?”

“Yeah, I’m fine I think.”

Matt laid back down cautiously.

“My arm seemed to absorb all of it. Damnedest thing.” Bucky lifted his arm up and inspected it. “It was glowing. I’ve never seen anything like it. So I walked back to the shore and my arm is pulsing and smoking like it’s some kind of bomb, and then Wade walks out of nowhere and starts apologizing. And I’m sorry. I know he’s your friend and that’s fine. You can be his friend. I’m not going to tell you not to be his friend. But I don’t like him, Matty. I don’t.” 

Bucky paused.

“So I electrocuted him.”

“WHAT?!?”

“Yeah.” Bucky swallowed hard. “Listen, I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, and I am sorry, but I had to discharge the arm somehow and he was there and so annoying. So I just touched him like this.” He laid his hand on Matt’s chest.

“What happened?” Matt asked. 

“Launched him about 20 feet in the air,” Bucky replied, deadpan.

Matt was silent for a few moments and Bucky felt dread seeping in. He was about to start apologizing again when Matt began to laugh uncontrollably. “Oh my God,” Matt gasped out, eyes filling with tears for the second time that night. “Holy shit, I would have paid good money to hear that. What was it like? What did he say?”

“He had smoke coming out of his ears,” Bucky said, and he was laughing too. “He didn’t say much. Started shouting about stars or some nonsense like that. I don’t know; maybe he saw stars? Anyway,” Bucky sobered, remembering what had happened. “I’m sorry. I told him to stay the fuck away from you and then I left.” He looked at Matt, who had laid back down in the bed. “I’ll talk to him. Apologize. Tell him he doesn’t have to stay away from you.”

“It’s ok,” Matt smiled up at him. “I like you a little bit possessive.”

Bucky leaned in and kissed Matt, slow and wet, dragging his teeth over Matt’s lower lip. “Mine,” he whispered as he pulled away. 

“Yours,” Matt whispered back, snuggling in closer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I know that Kate Bishop and Bucky met in Winter Kills, but I don’t care. Canon be damned!! Also, if Kate is there, where is Miles? Couldn’t we have called up Miles instead of Wade and saved ourselves all this trouble? Blah blah blah shush. 
> 
> Matt is reading The Makropulos Affair, a Czeck Science Fiction novel from 1922 about the dangers of immortality. 
> 
> PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE leave me your thoughts and comments and Kudos. I need them to live. I truly do. The more comments I get, the faster I write. That's just science. I love you all!


	3. The Apartment Hijinks Montage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter includes a scene with Typhoid Mary, in which Wade discusses her mental illness (DID) in an offensive manner. He also briefly discusses the fact that she raped him. If you do not wish to read this, please stop reading when Bucky asks Frank who the fuck Typhoid Mary is. You can start up again when Bucky says "Ok, so Typhoid can..." I put a few extra spaces there to make it easy to find. 
> 
> Also! Before I posted this chapter, I wanted to address some feedback I got on Chapter 2 about the fact that Bucky and Matt don't seem to have a great power dynamic in their relationship.
> 
> ...yup...
> 
> Let's just take a step back and think about "When Hell Freezes Over." Yes, it was super sweet and super fluffy, but also Bucky basically stalked Matt for the first however many chapters, and they didn't deal with that at all. Plus, Bucky never dealt with Steve leaving in a healthy way. PLUS Matt literally believes that he is unworthy because he has a devil inside him. Like... that's his character motivation and stuff. Is electrocuting Deadpool a healthy way of dealing with your anger? Absolutely not. Would Matt laugh about it? I think he might. Will they solve these problems by the end of the fic? Maybe? But also maybe not because a lot of their trauma is crucial to who they are as characters. Will they find a healthier way to exist with each other? Absolutely! But it's going to get worse before it gets better, so if you're not here for that I salute you and send you lovingly on your way. 

“Ok, this looks bad.”

“Typical,” Wade said to the ceiling. “ Cliché , and I’m not sure it even makes sense in this scenario. Try harder.”

They were crammed into the living room of Clint’s small, three-bedroom apartment: Clint Barton, Kate Bishop, Frank Castle, Bucky Barnes, Matt Murdock, Wade Wilson, and a dog named Lucky. 

“I probably should have thought this through first.”

“Probably,” Kate answered Clint.

“Ok… so… bedrooms.”

“I get my own bedroom,” Kate said without hesitation. “I’m not sharing with any of you. Lucky stays with me. And I get first dibs on bathroom whenever I want it.”

“You can have my room,” Bucky and Frank responded in unison. Clint was noticeably silent.

“You can have mine,” Frank repeated again firmly. “It makes the most sense.” He turned towards Bucky and Clint. “The kid here can have my room. I’ll sleep on the couch, and that way if Poolboy here tries to sneak out I can just shoot him.”

“Well that won’t do much,” Kate muttered, “and I’m not a kid. Also, who are you?”

“Frank Castle,” he said, holding out his hand. “Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Bishop. Barton says good things about you.”

“That doesn’t seem right,” Kate replied with a smile, shaking Frank’s hand. Suddenly she froze, smile dropping. “Wait. You’re not that Frank Castle, are you?” She pulled her hand away and turned to Clint.  _ Punisher?  _ she signed. 

Clint nodded. 

Matt shifted uncomfortably. 

“And you? Mysterious lawyer boy? What’s your deal? You really blind or is this just a look?”

“No deal,” Matt said, forcing a smile. He held out his hand, just to the left of where Kate was standing. “Really blind. Matt Murdock. Nice to meet you.”

Kate glared at him. Across the room, Frank groaned. “Aww, Matt no,” Clint muttered under his breath. 

Matt dropped his hand.

“You’re friends with these idiots and you brought Wade into all this? You’re going to need to come up with a better cover story.”

She wasn’t wrong.

Matt shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair. “Daredevil,” he said, holding his hand out to her again, this time to where she was really standing. “Still really blind, though.”

Kate took his hand tentatively. “Daredevil? You mean like Evel Knievel?”

Frank cackled.

“Shut up, Frank,” Matt said sharply. “I’m Daredevil. The Devil of Hell’s Kitchen?”

Kate shook her head. “Not ringing any bells. Sorry.”

Frank did not shut up. He laughed even harder. “Oh man.” He wiped a tear out of the corner of his eye, trying to regain his breath. “I like you, kid.”

“I’m not a kid! I’m 19!”

“And who's gonna be my bedtime buddy?” Wade asked with a grin. “Cause I think we all know I’d prefer…” Wade’s eyes drifted from Matt to Bucky, who was glaring at him. Wade quickly shut his mouth. “Clint. Definitely the lesser Hawkeye is what I was going to say there.” He rubbed his sternum. 

Clint groaned. “Do I hafta?”

Wade smiled at him. “You’re pretty when you complain.” He winked. “Come on; it’ll be fun. Just you and me, getting to know each other a little better?”

“Shouldn’t’ve left Missouri,” Clint muttered.

“Great, then it’s settled!” Wade clapped his hands and rubbed them together vigorously. “Let the apartment hijinks montage begin!”

***

It started out innocently enough. Frank and Clint had always pranked each other in the apartment, but having Wade there ramped things up exponentially. Then Frank fell asleep while watching some made for SyFy movie (Megashark vs. Crocosaurus, specifically) and Wade handed Clint the canister of whipped cream and everything went downhill from there. When Frank woke up with an itchy nose immediately followed by a face full of whipped cream, he went ballistic. He recruited Kate and the war was on: Hawkeye and Deadpool vs. Hawkeye and The Punisher, with Matt and Bucky scrambling to keep out of their way. Nothing was sacred. Vaseline on the alarm clock lead to Saran wrap over the toilet lead to mentos frozen into ice cubes. (Kate loved her diet Coke with extra ice.) Frank warned Bucky when the sugar was replaced with salt. (Bucky liked his coffee extra sweet, and nobody wanted to die from Bucky getting salty coffee in the morning.) Wade warned Matt when they strategically taped an air horn behind the door to the bathroom. (Matt decided to leave the apartment for that one. He didn’t want to imagine how much of a headache an air horn going off would give him.) Kate filled Clint’s bedroom up with balloons. Clint changed all of the contacts on Kate’s phone to Peeta Mallark. Kate painted the soap with clear nail polish. Clint stuck googly eyes to every single item in the refrigerator. 

When Wade painstakingly scraped all of the filing out of an entire package of Oreos, and replaced it with toothpaste, Bucky declared that enough was enough. The next person to get caught pranking anyone in the apartment was going to get a boot up his or her ass. They all muttered and called him “Cranky Grandpa” behind his back, but they listened. 

Of course, that didn’t mean they stopped the pranking. It just meant they teamed up, and took it outside the house.

“I don’t get it,” Clint said, staring down at his phone.

“No, it’s funny I promise,” Wade said. “Just trust me, ok?”

“It’s not going to piss him off though, is it?” Frank asked.

“What, you scared?” Kate asked.

“I mean… yes?” Frank replied. “Of making him mad? Hell yeah I am. I’m reckless, but I’m no idiot.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Wade said, clicking send. 

They all stared down at the screen expectantly. 

“Ok, so explain this to me, please,” Clint asked as they waited. “We texted him. Said we found someone who had plagiarized one of his papers and sent a link. And then…”

“When he clicks on the link, it’ll take him to the music video for “Never Gonna Give You Up,” Kate finished, with a giggle.

“And that’s funny?”

“Yeah,” Frank said. “That’s funny as hell. As long as he doesn’t get too mad.”

“I don’t understand.”

Three dots appeared on the screen. The foursome held their breath.

_What the actual fuck, Clint?_ Came the reply from Bruce. _You need to find something else to do and stop wasting my time._

Wade laughed. 

“I feel like this was more a prank on me,” Clint said, still confused.

Three more dots, and then: _Bet you can’t get Strange._

***

“Hawkeye. Hawkeye.” Wade, dressed as Spider-Man, snuggled in between the two purple clad heroes sitting on the rooftop. He took the binoculars out of Kate’s hands and peered through them at the bistro below. “A little fancy for super-villains, isn’t it?” 

“She’s a fancy super-villain,” Kate replied, gesturing down to a dark haired woman sitting at an outside table, sipping a glass of red wine. 

“You sure that’s her, Katie?” Clint asked.

“Don’t call me Katie. And yeah, I’m sure.”

“What is Madame Masque doing back in New York?” 

“Madame Masque is a LA based villain who likes to give Kate a hard time,” Wade said abruptly. “She deals mostly in clones and Life Model Decoys, and once-upon-a-time she dated Tony Stark!”

“Who the fuck are you talking to?” Clint asked, taking the binoculars from Wade and looking down through them. “You think we don’t know that? Hold on. What’s this?” 

“I’m just trying to help,” Wade muttered. “Some people have only seen the movies.”

The group watched a solidly built man approached the table. The two exchanged brief words, and then Masque motioned for him to sit.

“Oh man. This is trouble,” Clint said.

“Who is that?” Kate asked.

“That is Jack Rollins, formerly of STRIKE force,” Clint answered. “Let’s not tell Bucky we saw him, ok? He tends to go ballistic at any mention of STRIKE.”

Kate nodded.

“So what’s the plan?” Wade asked. “When do we start kicking ass?”

“They’re not doing anything,” Clint said. “They’re just eating dinner.”

“Ok… but they’re baddies, right? And I’m out here dressed to kill!” 

Kate and Clint stared at Wade.

“Ok, ok you’re right. Not to kill. The opposite of to kill. Bad choice of words. I get it! No killing!” Wade held his hands up in surrender. “But I’m supposed to be seen, right? So let’s get out of the shadows and do some damage!”

“We should at least say hi,” Kate agreed with a smile. “Let them know that we know they’re here?”

“Or we could follow them quietly and keep the element of surprise. Katie!” Clint called after Kate, who had already started to move. 

“Don’t call me Katie!” she shouted back at him, leaping down the fire escape. 

Spider-Wade followed, shooting webs, swinging after her. “Wheeeeee!!!!”

“I’m just going to stay here and cover from above,” Clint grumbled, watching the two approach Masque and Rollins. He couldn’t hear them, but Masque was smiling sweetly and whatever she was saying was making Kate furious. Masque gestured to the bottle of wine and the two remaining chairs. Kate crossed her arms in front of her chest. Spider-Wade sat, and Kate slapped the back of his head. He quickly stood up again. Then Masque turned her head, still smiling, and gestured upwards. Directly at Clint. 

_ Oh, shit. _

_ Thud. Thud. Thud. Thud.  _ Clint felt the impacts more than he heard them. He turned quickly to see 12 figures dressed in black and white bodysuits with gold masks over their eyes. “HEY KATIE!!!” he called over his shoulder, sparing a quick glance. He saw Wade fighting Rawlins. There was no sign of Kate or Masque.

The minions stepped closer. “Aww. Minions, no.” Clint said, reaching for his bow. “Listen guys, you don’t want to fight me. You’re going to lose. I’m an Avenger!”

“Really?” one of the minions asked. “You don’t look like an Avenger. Are you Iron Fist?” 

“He’s not even… you know what, never mind!” Clint loaded a bow onto his arrow and sent it flying at the man charging him. It struck the man in the chest, releasing a net that wrapped around four of the minions and trapped them. They fell to the ground. “Trick arrow, yeah OWW!!” Clint shouted, as a fist made contact with his face. “KATIE!!!!” he shouted, punching and clawing as the remaining eight minions attacked him at once. 

_ Aww futz,  _ Clint thought to himself as a fist knocked him to the ground. He lashed out at the bodies around him.  _ Everything sucks.  _ An elbow tried to embed itself in his ribs, and Clint kicked wildly. “Come on. I really don’t want to fight you!” he called out.

When Kate and Wade climbed back up to the rooftop, they found Clint sitting in the middle of a pile of Masque minions, breathing heavily.

“You alright there, old man?” Kate asked with a grin.   
  
“I called for you, Katie,” Clint gasped out. “Didn’t’ya hear me?”

“Nope. And don’t call me Katie.” She reached out her hand to clasp his arm, and pulled him up from the pile. “Masque got away,” she said sadly.

“Where’s Rollins?”

“Webbed to a lamppost,” Wade answered proudly.

Clint grunted. 

“Come on,” Kate said. “Let’s get you back to the apartment. We’ll find you some frozen peas to put on those bruises.”

*** 

“Why did you guys rickroll Strange?” Matt’s voice was tired as he walked into the apartment. 

Kate shrugged. “Bruce dared us to?”

Matt sighed, took off his glasses, and pinched the bridge of his nose. He leaned his white cane against the wall near the door. 

“What, did he tattle on us?” Frank asked.

“We were out for lunch,” Matt answered, walking over to where they were sitting in the living room. There was a space open on the couch next to Wade, and Matt seemed to consider it momentarily before turning around and taking a seat at the breakfast bar. Lucky nosed at him, and he scratched her head absentmindedly. “I had to explain to him what it even was. He didn’t get it at all.”

“See!” Clint exclaimed. “I’m not the only one!”

“You guys need some structured activity or something,” Matt said with a sigh.

“Ok, dad,” Wade muttered. “And before you tell your murder boyfriend on me, I don’t mean that in a sexy way. At all. Which I’ll have you know hurts my pride a little.”

Matt shook his head. Lucky nudged him again. He stood, walked to the fridge, retrieved a slice of cold pizza, and fed it to her.

“Oh!” Wade continued, mood shifting. “I know what we could do! There is something you promised you’d show me years ago, and we just never got around to it. Remember? That winter we went to the Catskills. You couldn’t go skiing so...” 

“Wade…” Matt cautioned, ears turning pink. “They don’t want…”

Clint shifted uncomfortably. 

“You still owe me a favor,” Wade said, licking his lips. “Just wait until you see what this man can do with his hands. At first you’ll think that you don’t care, or that this isn’t something you want. But just wait. It’s like magic. And he’s soooo good.”

When Bucky got home, he was unnerved to discover his five roommates sitting, huddled together and hunched over, in a circle on the floor of the living room, furniture having been hastily pushed aside.

“What’s going on here?” he asked quietly.

Kate popped her head up. “OMG, Bucky! You need to come join us right now!” She held up her hands, showing a short lavender scarf. “Matt is teaching us how to knit!! 

***

“You are not Peter. Matty, this is not Peter.”

Matt sighed. “Please don’t call me Matty, Felicia.”

Black Cat smiled. She leaned in close to Matt. “Matty,” she whispered.

“Now who is under there, baby.” She reached for the Spider-Man mask, hooking her fingers under it. 

“Hey lady. Get your hands off the merchandise!” Wade batted her hands away.

“Wade? Wade is that you?”

“Yeah, who am I kidding,” Wade snuggled up against Black Cat, resting his head on the wide expanse of skin that was her chest. “Please get your hands back on the merchandise.” 

Black Cat smiled at him, then stepped aside leaving Wade leaning on nothing. He staggered and almost fell at the sudden lack of support. “Matty, this was all you, wasn’t it? Of course it was, you genius. Keep Peter out of the hot seat.” She turned to Bucky. “He’s so smart; you can’t help but love him. Am I right? Well, that and…” she wiggled her fingers provocatively at Bucky. 

Bucky growled at her, baring his teeth.

“Ohh, Matty,” Black Cat cooed. “I like him.”

“What are you doing here, Felicia?” Matt asked.

“What? It’s a beautiful late summer night in New York. A girl can’t just enjoy it?”

“Dressed like that?” 

“How would you possibly know what I’m dressed like, Matty? Do you want to touch it and find out?” She reached out and grabbed his hand.

Matt pulled away. “I can smell the vinyl, Felicia. And it’s so shiny it reflects sound back at me.”

Black Cat was, in fact, dressed like a black cat - or, at least a black cat that you might see at a college sorority’s Halloween party. Her black catsuit was skin tight and shiny, and exceptionally low cut, with white trim around the neckline. Her white hair cascaded down her back in loose curls. The black mask around just her eyes did nothing to hide her identity. 

“Maybe I’m just out trying to get lucky, Matty. You gonna help me out with that?”

“That’s funny because Felicia Hardy, AKA Black Cat, subconsciously affects probability fields, creating bad luck for anyone in her path.” Wade shot double finger guns up at the sky. 

Black Cat and Bucky stared at him blankly. Matt shook his head.

“Anyway…” Matt continued. “Really, Felicia. What are you doing out here?”

“Hey Fee!” A voice came from around the corner. 

“Fuck,” Black Cat muttered under her breath. 

“I think we’re all done here. Wanna go get something to…” A red headed woman rounded the corner. She was wearing a leather jacket, short shorts, fishnet stockings, and knee high boots.

Matt cocked his head and sniffed the air. “Typhoid?” he asked tentatively. 

“Matty!” the woman exclaimed. She rushed forward, threw her arms around his neck, and him on the lips. “What are you doing here, sweetheart?”

“Jesus, Matt. What the hell?” Bucky exclaimed, throwing his hands in the air. “Is there anyone you haven’t fucked?”

Matt stepped away quickly, using his hands to detach himself from the redhead’s grip. “Any chance I can talk to Mary?” he asked.

“Not on your life, Murdock,” Typhoid replied. She turned to Spider-Man, staring at him silently for several moments. “Who’s this guy?” she finally asked. 

“Fuck you,” Wade spat out from under his mask.

“Wade?” Typhoid was staring at him.

“Let’s get out of here,” Wade said angrily. “We’re not going to fight Matty’s ex lovers anyway. You are fucking bad luck aren’t you?” Wade turned and began walking away. “Bye, Felicia!” 

“Wade!” Matt shouted after him “Shit. I mean… Spider-Man! Get back here. We’re not done. We can’t just leave them here doing…” he gestured at Black Cat and Typhoid Mary. “Whatever the hell it is you’re doing…” he muttered.

Typhoid grinned at him. Black Cat licked her lips.

Bucky looked back and forth between Matt and the retreating Spider-Wade. He didn’t know what was going on, and he didn’t like it. 

“Let’s get out of here,” he said after a minute. “These two look like they’re out trick-or-treating. How much damage can they actually do?”

“James. You don’t understand. We can’t…”

“I’m going after him,” Bucky pointed at Wade. “I hope you’ll come too.” He turned and walked quickly away.

Matt stared after him.

Black Cat cleared her throat. “Bad luck for you, Matty.”

“Good luck for us, though,” Typhoid added, taking a step closer to him.

Matt groaned.

“Who the fuck was that?” Bucky asked, catching up with Wade.

“Typhoid Mary,” he answered. “That bitch is bat-shit crazy and that’s coming from me. Don’t know what Matty ever saw in her.”

“Bat-shit crazy? How. Wade,” Bucky grabbed him by the shoulders, stopping him, “I’ve never seen you like this. What’s going on?”

Wade took a deep breath. “Mary Walker. Typhoid Mary. Bloody Mary… she’s… she has… I think the correct term is Dissociative Identity Disorder. She’s fuckin’ nuts is what she is.”

“Break it down for me.”

“Bitch has got five personalities in there, I think. Mary - she’s the nice one; Walker, who you’d like I think - real organized sociopath type; Typhoid, who’s who we were just talking to; Bloody Mary, who is a fucking psychopath killer; and Mutant Zero. Typhoid and Bloody Mary and Mutant Zero, they can all move stuff… uh… telekinesis it’s called, and she can light fucking fires with her mind, and she can make people see things that aren’t there… suggest things. Make you do things.”

Bucky thought back to their interaction a moment ago. A part of him had wondered, at the time, why he was leaving Matt back there…  _ Fuck. _ There had been someone in his head. Again.  _ Fuck. FUCK.  _ Bucky saw red. He was going to fucking kill her.  _ _

“It’s not your fault,” Wade said, obviously realizing Bucky’s train of thought. “Now that you know, you can fight her. I… I can’t. It’s too much.” Wade let out half a sob.

Bucky stopped cold, pushing his anger aside. “What did she do to you, Wade?”

“It was a long time ago.” He sat down on the ground in the middle of the street. Bucky looked around. There was nobody else there. He shrugged and sat down next to Wade.

“There was this woman. Siryn. I loved her. I wanted to be better… for her. Typhoid, she… she made me see Siryn. She made me think that she WAS Siryn. So we…”

“Fuck. I’m sorry, Wade.”

Wade shrugged, trying to muster his usual bravado. “Sex is sex, right? It’s all good?”

“No. No it’s not.” He put an arm around Wade’s shoulder. 

Wade froze for a moment, then snuggled in. “Rrrawr daddy yeah,” he said weakly. 

Bucky pushed him off. “So much for having a moment…” he muttered.

“Yeah, I don’t do sappy.”

“Ok, so Typhoid can make people do what she wants, and Black Cat is bad luck…” he trailed off, realization hitting him. “MATT!”

“Yeah.” Wade swallowed hard. “He’s fucked. Maybe literally.”

Bucky stood up and started running back to where they had been. 

He saw Matt before he could hear him, back pressed up against a wall. Bucky could only see the back of Black Cat; she was crowding up against Matt. Typhoid was standing to the side, smiling. Bucky watched in horror as Matt’s hand drew up to Black Cat’s head, then trailed through her hair down to the small of her back.  _ I’m going to kill him,  _ Bucky thought.  _ First I’m going to kill them, and then I’m going to kill him…  _ Matt wrapped his hand around Black Cat’s waist and Bucky started moving faster, fists clenched. Typhoid’s smile dropped. Bucky saw flames flicker by her hands.

Matt moved fast. The hand around Black Cat’s waist pulled her sideways, spinning her into Typhoid Mary. The two women collided. Matt grabbed both of them by the backs of their heads, slamming their foreheads together. They women slumped to the ground just as Bucky stopped running, standing in front of them. 

“Oh.”

Matt cocked his head, listening. “They’re really out,” he said after a pause.

“I thought…”

“I know what you thought, James. Fucking hell could you have at least a little bit of faith in me?”

“She got in my brain.”

Matt shook his head. “Yeah, but that’s not what I mean and you know it.”

Bucky swallowed hard. “I’m sorry. I get jealous. He left me and I…”

“I’M NOT HIM!”

Bucky stared at Matt, his rage apparent in his dark, stubbled jaw, the rest of his face hidden by the devil’s mask. “I know you’re not,” he said quietly. 

“Yeah. You know I’m not. You know I’m not him for all the wrong reasons.” 

At their feet, Black Cat twitched slightly.

“We need to tie them up,” Matt said. Bucky patted his pockets, then pulled out a long spool of tripwire and handed it to Matt, who went to work tying up the two women. “You know I’m not him,” Matt grunted with exertion, “because I’m not as strong as he was or as fast as he was. You know I’m not him because I’m not as noble as he was. I’m not as good as he was.”

“Matt…”

Matt tied off the wire. “I get that I’m not Goddamned Steve Rogers, James. You don’t need to rub it in my face every time I’m not good enough for you.” He started to walk away.

“Matt!” Bucky ran after him. “What about them?” he asked, catching up with Matt easily. “You can’t just leave them.” 

“I called it into Mahoney. He’ll be by to pick them up any minute now.”

The two men walked in silence for several minutes.

“Matt…”

“Daredevil,” Matt interrupted.    
  
“What?”

“When I’m in the suit, you can fucking call me Daredevil.”

The two men continued to walk in silence, both blending into the shadows effortlessly, until they reached Matt’s apartment. They scaled a fire escape to the roof. 

“I’m going to stay here tonight,” Matt said quietly. “You should go home and check on Wade.”

Bucky shook his head. “Clint already texted me. He’s there. He’s fine. Matt…” Bucky flinched, realizing his mistake. “Daredevil…” He placed his vibranium hand on Matt’s chest. 

Matt’s knees trembled. “That’s cheating,” he said quietly.

“Yeah, I know. I’m sorry, baby. But you’re so right and I’m so wrong and I don’t know what else to do. I’m sorry.” Bucky kissed him, his forehead bumping up against Matt’s mask. “I’m sorry.” He trailed his hand down, cupping Matt through his suit.

“Get inside.” Matt kicked the skylight open.

Bucky scrambled in first and was waiting when Matt dropped down behind him. “I’m sorry,” he whispered again, kissing desperately into Matt’s mouth. “I’m sorry.” His hands found the hidden clasps and buckles and zippers of Matt’s suit, working them down. “I’m sorry.” He bit down gently on Matt’s lower lip, worrying it with his teeth. “I’m sorry.” He pushed the suit off of Matt’s broad shoulders, then down to the ground. “I’m sorry.” He ran his hands over Matt’s skin, feeling the man tremble, all sensitive nerves under his expert touch. “I’m sorry.” He dropped to his knees. “I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”

Matt cocked his head. He paused, relishing the scent of Bucky’s arousal, listening to the pounding of Bucky’s heart. He followed Bucky, dropping to his knees as well, pressing their lips together. “Always,” he whispered. 

***

“That’s too easy, Hawkeye. Find something harder. I’m not going to count that!”

“You don’t make the rules, Hawkeye!”

Frank walked into the apartment to find Clint and Kate standing in front of an open window, pointing down at the street below. Wade was flopped out on the couch, showing a lot more mutilated skin than Frank was comfortable with. Bucky was sitting across from him in a chair, reading some science fiction novel with a picture of a blue forest on the cover. Matt was sitting at the breakfast bar. His hands rested on something written in braille, but Frank had picked up on enough of the man’s mannerisms to tell by the cock of his head that he was studying the Hawkeyes carefully. Lucky was curled up patiently at Matt’s feet.

“Fine!” Clint exclaimed. He raised his loaded bow and pointed it out the window. Frank blinked. Something about the bow wasn’t quite right. But Clint moved too quickly, and before Frank could even react he had pulled back the string and sent the arrow flying at the street below. 

Frank gasped. “What are you doing?!?” 

Kate and Clint looked over at him. 

“Target practice?” Clint said, confused.

“Out the window? Onto the street? Since when am I the responsible one around here?!?!”

Kate held up her own bow and arrow. “It’s cool, man. See?” Frank looked at them harder, and felt himself getting hot when he realized why the arrows had seemed strange.

They were Nerf darts.

“Plus we’re paying some of the kids in the building twenty-five cents a pop to bring our arrows back,” Clint said. “So we’re being philanthropic.” 

Frank shook his head and walked over to the couch. He kicked Wade’s legs. Wade grunted violently, but shifted and gave Frank room to plop down next to him. “Just don’t hit somebody, ok?”

“What, like on accident?” Kate sounded disgusted.

“That’s mean, dude. Really. Even coming from you, that’s uncalled for.” Clint turned back to the window.

Matt stood. At his feet, Lucky whined. He reached down and patted her head, then walked towards the window. “Can I try?” he asked.

The Hawkeyes gaped at him. 

“You ever shoot an arrow before?” Clint asked.

“Nope.”

“Ok… yeah, sure man.” Clint handed Matt his bow.

Matt ran his hands carefully over the toy bow, then plucked at the string. He held it to his ear, then plucked again. He pulled back the string gingerly and released it, then repeated the action more firmly. He set the bow down and picked up a Nerf dart and inspected that as well, slowly running his fingers over it. 

Bucky raised his head from the book, watching Matt intensely. The entire apartment had gone completely silent except for the aggressive wagging of Lucky’s tail. 

Matt tossed the dart carefully into the air. Then he walked to the window and stuck his hand out. He nodded, then picked up the bow, set the dart into place, pulled the string back, and let it fly. 

It sailed through the air haphazardly, and bounced off the building across the street.

Clint snorted.

“Just give me a minute to get my bearings,” Matt said gently.

He repeated the process, running his fingers across the bow and dart, holding his hand out the window to feel the breeze. Bucky had set the book aside. Frank and Wade were both leaning forward on the couch, watching. 

The second dart went about the same as the first, clattering onto stairs leading up to a brownstone. The third landed not far from that. 

The fourth stuck to a lamp post. 

Bucky and Frank stood up and walked over to the window.

The fifth stuck directly below the fourth.

Matt smiled. 

Kate and Clint had been shooting at a no parking sign, their darts lined up along the red circle surrounding the P. Matt aimed, pulled back the bow, and stuck a dart perfectly in the center of their circle.

“Thanks,” he said with a shrug, handing the bow back to Clint.

Clint and Kate stared, speechless.

“Come on; lets go,” Bucky said, and he grabbed Matt around the waist and dragged him into the bedroom.

Clint quickly pulled out his hearing aids and threw them on the coffee table.

_ Oh god _ , Kate signed at him, her face reflecting absolute terror.  _ I’m so jealous of you right now. _

***   


“THIS CANNOT POSSIBLY BE A REAL VILLAIN!!!!!!” Wade screamed, as he was flung across the Hell’s Kitchen skyline. Above him, a 300 foot tall, metal, person-like form stalked across the skyline. Spider-Wade had tried to shoot it with his webs, but they had bounced right off. He landed on the ground with a loud  _ SPLAT. _

“I get why you might say that.” Matt held out a hand to Wade, helping him up off the ground. “Stilt-Man is… well he’s something else.”

“He’s a fucking dude in a robotic suit with giant metal stilts,” Frank said, lifting up a large automatic rifle. “How hard can he be to take down?”

“FRANK STOP!!!”

It was too late. Frank unloaded a barrage of bullets that ricocheted off Stilt-Man’s hydraulic legs and metal body, cracking nearby buildings and tearing through parked cars. 

“What the hell, Frank?” Matt shouted at him. “I said stop!”

“You’re always saying stop, Red.” Frank shouted back. “It’s like the word has lost all meaning coming from you. How was I s’posta know this time was the real deal?”

Matt rolled his eyes, a motion lost behind his mask. “His hydraulic suit is made of adamantium,” he explained. So bullets are going to bounce right off of it. Plus it’s got some sort of silicone coating, so webbing doesn’t stick.”

“I thought exposition was my job,” Wade whined.

“What?” Matt asked.

“Nothing. Please continue.”

“If we can’t shoot him, and we can’t web him,” Frank asked, “what are we supposed to do to him?”

Matt shrugged. “At the end of the day, he’s a guy on giant metal stilts. You just trip him.”

“But don’t let him fall on anyone!!!” Matt shouted as an afterthought, as the two men ran towards the giant, mechanical menace.

  
***

“Ok, but why is the tornado full of sharks?”

Matt was lying on the couch, his head resting in Bucky’s lap, his legs dangling over the armrest. Lucky lay on the floor beneath him, belly up. Kate was sitting on Bucky’s other side. Frank was sitting in an armchair, which he had adjusted to better see the tv. Wade was lying on the floor, and Clint was perched on the kitchen counter. 

“Because that’s what the movie is about, baby.” Bucky said soothingly. “It’s called  _ Sharknado  _ because it’s about a tornado full of sharks.”

“But how did the sharks get into the tornado?”

“I don’t know. The tornado flew over the ocean and sucked up some sharks or somethin’.” Bucky ran his hands through Matt’s hair. “That’s not really what the movie’s about.”

“It’s just a lot of yelling and screaming. It needs more dialogue.” 

“Well they’re running away from a tornado full of sharks,” Frank said. “It’s not like they’re going to stop and discuss the science of it all. Tara Reid just wants to save her daughter.”

“Tara Reid is April?” Matt asked.

“Yeah.” Bucky had moved his hand from Matt’s hair to Matt’s face, and he was stroking a finger across Matt’s jawline.

Matt sighed. “Her voice is annoying.”

“She’s hot though,” Frank said flippantly.

“No,” Clint answered.

“Nope,” Bucky agreed.

“Absolutely not,” Wade chimed in.

“Yeah, I can see that,” Kate concurred.

“What?” Bucky glared at her. “No, I’m sorry, you’re both wrong.”

“What do you even know?” Kate asked, gesturing at Matt.

“Listen, kid…”

“I’m not a kid!”

“Listen, kid! I may prefer the rugged type, but I know a knockout dame when I see one and Tara Reid is not that.”

Kate frowned. 

“Wait, what’s happening now?” Matt asked.

“They’re going to get the daughter,” Clint explained, “except the house is filling up with water and… oh shit. The sharks ate the boyfriend.”

“How is the water going into the house? Is this like a Noah’s Ark situation? The whole earth is flooded? Why is the water so deep? Were they in the basement? How did the sharks get inside? Did they leave the door open?”

“No,” Kate said. “The water is just filling up the inside of the house and the sharks are in the water.”

“That’s not how water works.”

“It’s not really meant to be analyzed, Matty,” Bucky said quietly.

“It doesn’t make any sense.”

“I know, baby. Maybe focus on something else instead?” Bucky traced his thumb over Matt’s lower lip, and Matt licked at it gently.

“You gonna distract me?”

Kate gave them the most aggressive side-eye she was capable of, then grabbed the remote and turned up the volume.

Bucky continued to gently run his fingers over Matt’s face, trying his best to duplicate what Matt had done to him once. He ran his palm over Matt’s forehead and down his cheek, then ran one finger up the side of Matt’s nose. He traced Matt’s eyebrows, then went back down the other side of Matt’s nose, bringing his finger to rest gently on Matt’s lips.

Matt parted his lips and sucked Bucky’s finger into his mouth, swirling his tongue around it before biting down gently.

“Alright,” Bucky said abruptly, sliding his finger out of Matt’s mouth. “Matt’s right. This movie is terrible. I’m going to bed.”

Clint stared at him incredulously. “It’s like 9 o’clock, dude.”

“What’s your point?” Bucky asked. “I’m an old man. I get tired easy. Plus it’s not my turn to take Spider-Pool out for his walk tonight, so I’m going to bed early.” He walked into the bedroom and shut the door.

The remaining five roommates sat silently for a moment. Finally, Matt sat up and stretched. “Well, I’m just going to…”

“Please stop, Red,” Frank interrupted. “I will pay you to stop. For the love of whatever god it is you believe in, do not finish that sentence. We’re all thinking about it too much already.”

Matt smiled and followed Bucky into the bedroom.

Kate cranked the volume on the TV up even further.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat! 
> 
> Please leave me lots and lots of comments and let me know what you think. When someone leaves a comment, I get an email and then I do a happy dance, and sometimes I'm in public and strangers see my happy dance and I think to myself "I'M HAPPY BECAUSE SOMEONE LIKED MY SMUTTY FANFIC!!!" but I don't tell the strangers that because that would be weird. 
> 
> This picture got me pregnant:  

> 
> Matt sleeps with a lot of people. I am not being mean. This is canon:


	4. An Intergalactic Kegger

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning!!  
This chapter contains spoilers for Jessica Jones Season 3
> 
> Also warning: Extreme drunkenness
> 
> Also, if you were like "Wow, she's right. Bucky sure is being mean. These guys aren't being nice to each other at all. I hope it gets better soon..." Ummm... no. Sorry!! (But it will I promise!!)

“We should have a party!”

Clint squinted at Kate. “Because there aren’t already enough people in this apartment?” he asked.

Kate scowled back at him. “Because parties are fun, jerk-face. Plus Wade’s two months are just about up. He’s done a great job. Everybody is distracted by this new Lady Thor and nobody cares about who Spider-Man is anymore. We should celebrate!”

“It’s not a terrible idea,” Bucky said lazily from across the room. “It’s starting to cool down. We could grill out on the roof. Sam just texted me; apparently the Milano just entered the solar system, so we could invite Rocket and Nebula over. Not sure if Thor is with them or not...”

“And Quill,” Clint added.

  
“Yeah, sure, whatever.”

Frank looked at Wade, who was grinning uncontrollably. “Fine. Party,” he grunted out.

“YAAAYYYY!!!!” Kate and Wade cheered, high-fiving each other.

Matt rolled his eyes.

Even after almost a year with Bucky, Matt was still impressed with how fast the Avengers assembled.

Despite seeming to be against a party at first, Clint was on his phone immediately sending a group text inviting everyone over, and then he was gone with orders to the rest of the apartment that there were grills in the basement and they needed to get them up on the roof. Matt suspected it was like watching the Avengers prepare for a battle; everyone knew where they were needed and did their part, recognizing their own strengths and supporting their teammates.

Banner and Strange showed up first, stepping through a portal, and brought with them more food than Matt imagined possible. All types of salads and vegetables and fruits and buns. “Don’t worry,” Banner said, noticing the way Frank was eyeing the spread. “Sam’s on his way with the meat.”

And he was. Cases of burgers and sausages and chicken arrived not much later, via helicopter that touched down on the roof. 

“How many people are coming?” Frank asked Kate, wide eyed. 

“Everyone, I’d guess,” Kate replied with a nod. “We need more chairs. There should have been a bunch of lawn furniture in the basement. Could you?” She gave Matt, Frank, and Wade a dismissive wave of her hand.

“What are you doing?” Frank asked.

Kate narrowed her eyes at him. “Not carrying chairs up from the basement, that’s for damned sure.”

When they got back up, chairs in tow, the party was already in full swing. Thor had arrived as promised, along with Rocket, Quill, Nebula, Groot, Drax, and another woman neither Matt nor Frank recognized. (“Gamora,” Wade informed them. “She’s a bit of trouble. I’d recommend staying away.” he said, before running up to her, jumping up, and wrapping his legs and arms around her in a monkey hug.) The Guardians had apparently been in charge of alcohol, and they were unpacking piles of beer and two kegs of something unlabeled. Wade walked over and assessed the excessive quantity of alcohol. “Looks like we ARE hosting an intergalactic kegger down here,” he said with a smile. 

Everyone stared at him blankly.

“What?” Wade asked, smile falling. “Men in Black? The original? The good one? Nobody? For real?” He patted Thor on the shoulder. “Guess that was before your time, buddy.” 

“Don’t drink what’s in the keg,” Matt said quietly to Frank as the two walked away. “I don’t know what it is, but I can smell it from here and it smells like napalm mixed with honey.”

Wanda showed up started the grills with her hands.

Scott showed up with a Karaoke machine, which he and Wade immediately set up inside the apartment. Matt made a mental note to stay on the roof.

Matt’s skin prickled and he recognized what was starting to become a familiar feeling of a portal opening nearby. He cocked his head, listening, and then smiled at the three petite frames that walked through. All three were unmistakable in their own way: The first by her vibranium collar, the second by his sinewy yet muscular frame and enhanced heartbeat, and the third… Matt would know that scent anywhere, soft and comforting. 

“Matty!” Shuri called out to him and he walked quickly over. “I have missed you. Why do you not come and visit anymore?”

“I’ve been busy baby-sitting,” Matt said, grasping her tightly in a hug. “And here I thought this guy was trouble.” He hugged Peter next. “It’s good to have you back, buddy. And you!” he turned to the third member of their party, holding out his hand for her to shake. “You smell happy.”

Claire pushed his hand aside and gave him a big hug. “Don’t give me that line, Murdock,” she said with a laugh. “How does someone smell happy?”

“I can’t explain it,” he said, allowing himself to rest his head on her shoulder for just a moment. “You just do. Relaxed. Content.” He pulled himself away and Claire gave him a once over.

“Well you look pretty good yourself, Matt. Although I suppose that’s par for the course. Where’s your boyfriend? He owes me $50.”

“Oh?” Matt asked. 

“Yeah. I told him last time he visited that little Amelie was pregnant again. He bet me that she wasn’t.”

“Doesn’t he realize you’re a medical professional?” Matt asked with a grin.

“Yeah,” Claire snorted. “It’s almost like he likes to lose! Anyway, she had her kids last week. Three of them. Cutest little baby goats I’ve ever seen. They’re frisky, too. One of them is almost flame red and he’s a terror. He just keeps running head first into anything he can find.” 

“The children have named him Mateyu,” Shuri said with a laugh. 

Matt blushed.

Clair smiled and patted Matt on the back, then grabbed a beer and headed off to find Bucky. Shuri spotted Carol and was off, leaving Pete and Matt standing alone. 

“I really have missed you,” Matt said, giving Pete another quick hug around the shoulder. “I’m sorry for everything that happened. You having to go away…”

“Was not your fault,” Pete interrupted.

“It kind of was,” Matt said with a sad smile. “If I would have let you come out patrolling with me…”

“What?” Pete said. “There’s no way to know how that sentence ends. “Maybe things would have been different. Maybe they would have been the same. Maybe I would have gotten hurt. Maybe you would have gotten dragged into the whole Mysterio thing and it would have been your face splashed up on that screen instead of mine. Maybe any number of things. Nobody here can see the future.”

“Excuse you,” muttered Strange, who just happened to be walking past. “Rude!”

Matt laughed. “Ok, fine. It’s still good to have you back.”

“It’s good to be back!” Pete said with a smile. “And it’s going to feel good to put the suit back on, too! Happy says I can?”

“That’s what I’ve heard,” Matt agreed. “Plan is to have Wade go out a few more times while you’re in school - like while you’re actually in a class, just to make sure there’s no doubt, but then it’s all you again, pal!”

“Hey there friends!” Wade walked over and clapped Matt and Pete on the back hard. “It’s been a real pleasure being you,” he said to Pete. “Feel like it’s made me a better person. Am I a better person now, Matty?”

“Nope,” Matt said, popping his p.

“Hmm…” Wade scrunched his nose and forehead. “Ok, that probably makes more sense. Anyway, it’s been a hell of a lot of fun. We should all hang out sometime. It could be a team-up. Everybody loves a good team-up.”

Pete eyed Wade suspiciously. “Yeah, sure. Ok,” he said after a moment’s pause. “Thank you. For helping me clear my name.” He held out his hand and Wade shook it. “I’m going to go find something to eat!” 

Pete walked towards the grill and Wade smiled after him. “I like that kid,” he said to Matt.

“He’s 16, Wade.” 

Wade held his hands up. “It’s nothing like that,” he said. “This ain’t that kind of story. I’ve read that story. It’s great. But this ain’t it! I’m just sayin’ he’s a good kid is all. I can see why you called me. I know that was hard for you. Hopefully I haven’t caused you too much trouble.”

Matt smiled. “It’s been good having you around, Wade.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. It’ll be good to have you gone too, though.”

Wade laughed and ruffled his hair. “On your way then, daddy. Last I saw, the God of Thunder was getting your Murder Kitten rip-roaring drunk. You might want to go rescue him before he falls down or something.”

Matt smoothed down his hair as best he could, and walked tentatively into the rooftop fray in an attempt to find Bucky. He didn’t even turn around and glare when Wade smacked his ass as he walked away.

“Matt!” 

Matt heard the familiar voice and he turned towards it. He could sense James in the roar of the crowd, but it was all too much and Matt couldn’t quite pinpoint him. James seemed fine, though. Every now and then Matt could hear a fragment of his conversation and he sounded clear and coherent. Wade must have exaggerated how much he’d been drinking. Matt knew it was almost impossible to get James drunk.

“Hey Karen,” he gave her a hug. “What are you doing here?”

“‘S with me, Red,” Frank slurred, wrapping an arm around Karen’s waist. Karen shifted slightly to face him, pressing her lips up into his. Frank held on tight, deepening the kiss. Matt stood by awkwardly until the two pulled apart. 

“Sorry,” Karen said breathlessly, and Matt couldn’t help but smile. She didn’t sound sorry. She sounded downright giddy, and Matt thought back to the previous day at work when she’d been complaining about never getting to go out with Frank. One of the hazards of dating a dead man who is also a wanted felon. “You should call Foggy if you haven’t already. Get him over here. He’d love this!” 

“You’re right; I’ll do that!” Matt said, and when Frank drew Karen in towards him again, Matt backed cautiously away.

He ducked into the stairwell and allowed the heavy metal door to close behind him. He stood there for a moment, thankful for the way the door muted the sounds coming from the roof. He could still hear the party, but at least in the small stairwell it wasn’t completely and utterly overwhelming. Matt pulled out his phone. “Call Foggy.”

“Hey, man, what’s up?” Foggy always sounded a little cautious when Matt called - a little worried. It made Matt sad, but he couldn’t blame Foggy. How many times had he called Foggy, after all, when he was bleeding out somewhere?

“There’s a party at Clint’s,” Matt answered quickly, not wanting to worry his best friend any more than he already did every single day of his life. “It came together pretty quickly, but basically all the Avengers are here. And Karen came with Frank. I didn’t know if you’d maybe want to join us?”

“Seriously, Matt? Would that be ok?”

“Of course!”

Foggy hesitated. “What about Marci?” he asked quietly.

Matt thought about it for a moment. Marci had met James, even if she hadn’t put together who he was. And she knew that Matt had been working with the Stark Industry lawyers on Pete’s case. It wasn’t totally outrageous that he might get invited to a party like this. Even if Marci had questions, they wouldn’t be so outrageous that Matt couldn’t come up with an explanation. “Yeah, Marci too,” he answered.

“You sure?”

“I’m sure.”

“Great!” Matt grinned. When Foggy was happy, his voice was like bells. Matt didn’t hear it like that as much as he used to. “We’ll be over as soon as we can.”

Matt clicked his phone off and put it back in his pocket. He stood for a moment longer, listening to the muffled sounds of the party on the roof. Then, he took a deep breath and headed back out.

“MATTY!!!!” The young girl’s arm was immediately around his neck, and Matt could smell the gin on her breath. She was swaying slightly.

“Kate… You shouldn’t be drinking, you’re not old enough.”

“Boo!” Kate leaned on him slightly. “Jessica, this is Matty. He’s basically my dad now. But, not like my actual dad because my actual dad is a supervillain. So, he’s way cooler than my actual dad even if he won’t let Clint and me throw water balloons out the window.”

Matt heard a familiar laugh. “Yeah, Kate. Matt and I have met,” Jessica said in her usual sarcastic tone. “How goes it, Devil Boy?” 

“Good to see you too, Jessica. You doing ok? I saw on the news, about your sister.”

“Not now,” she growled, taking a swing out of a bottle. Matt smelled cheap whiskey. “This is a party!”

“Jess brought me gin! She’s the best.” Kate swayed again, and Matt passed her over to Jessica Jones. 

“You did this to her; you can hold her up,” he said. “But really, when it’s not a party, come visit. Trish doesn’t deserve the raft. There are things that can be done.”

Jessica nodded, wrapping her arm around Kate’s waist protectively. Kate leaned into her, resting her head on Jessica’s shoulder. “Thanks, Matt.”

Matt turned and started to walk away.

“Hey!” Jessica called after him. “You looking for Bucky? Idiot says he wants to arm wrestle me. Want me to take you over there?”

“I’m okay,” Matt answered. 

“Sure, of course you are.” Jessica slid her arm under his. “But I’m your friend so just let me feel useful, ok?”

Matt nodded, thankful, and arm in arm the three walked across the crowded rooftop. “I’m surprised nobody’s filed a noise complaint yet,” Matt shouted to Jessica.

“Nah!” she said back. “Dr. Gryffindor threw up some sort of spell. Nobody can even tell we’re up here from the outside.” 

Matt thought about that for a second. “Pretty sure Strange is a Ravenclaw,” he answered back. 

“Nerd!” Jessica snorted at him. 

They found Bucky with Thor, Carol, and Wade, standing around the kegs that had been unloaded from the Milano. 

“Baby!” Bucky exclaimed as they approached. He wrapped his arms around Matt and pulled him in tight, pressing their lips together. Matt kissed back, letting his tongue dip into Bucky’s mouth. He dragged his teeth along Bucky’s lower lip as he pulled back. And, ok, yeah. If Matt was being honest, James was a little drunk, but it certainly wasn’t like Wade had made it sound. Matt tasted the napalm and honey on his breath, and wondered momentarily if he could get drunk just from kissing James.

“Alright, get a room!” Jessica called out from behind them. And Ugh.  _ Fuck Jessica, _ Matt thought, as he leaned in and kissed James one more time. 

“Ok, soldier boy. I heard you were talking trash.” Jessica continued. “Want to man up and put your money where your mouth is.”

Matt felt Bucky smile under his lips, and then they were pulling apart. Bucky kept one arm wrapped tightly around Matt’s waist as he turned to Jessica. “Whenever you’re ready, dollface,” he drawled. “I got nowhere to be and nothin’ to prove.”

Jessica rolled her eyes. “Whatever.” One of Thor’s kegs was set on a table and she walked over to it. 

“Please, let me,” Thor started, as Jessica moved to lift it off. She glared at him, lifting the large barrel off the table as if it weighed nothing. Thor grunted his approval. Two chairs were brought over, and soon Bucky found himself sitting at the table, staring into Jessica’s dark brown and heavily mascaraed eyes. 

“Right or left?” she asked with a smirk, holding out her hands. 

Bucky set his right arm up on the table and smiled at Jessica.

“Suit yourself,” she said with a shrug, taking a pull of whiskey from her bottle and then clasping his hand in hers. 

“My girlfriend is going to kick your boyfriend’s ass,” Kate whispered to Matt.

Matt didn’t respond. He was pretty sure Kate was right. 

“Alright, alright,” Carol walked over to the table and placed her hand atop Bucky and Jessica’s joined hands. “Elbows stay on the table. Keep it clean. “Three, two, one, go!”

Jessica slammed Bucky’s hand into the table as if he hadn’t even been trying. She smiled sweetly. “Wanna try the other arm?”

Bucky stared at her wide eyed. “Holy hell.” He placed his left elbow on the table and Jessica wrapped her hands around his vibranium fingers. 

Carol placed her hand over theirs again. “Three, two, one, go!”

There was a moment of struggle this time, but only a moment, before Jessica pinned Bucky again. 

“Sorry if I bruised your ego,” Jessica said, taking another drink of her whiskey.

“Not at all,” Bucky replied, looking slightly dazed. “That was amazing. How did you…”

“Evil scientists. You?”

“Same.”

“Nice!”

“Can I buy you a drink?”

“I’ve got one, thanks.” Jessica held up her bottle. 

“Yeah,” Bucky said with a wink. “But I’ve got something better.” He hoisted the keg of ale back up onto the table, poured out a glass, and handed it to Jessica. “Be careful with that,” he warned.

Jessica narrowed her eyes and threw it back. “Holy shit!” she coughed out. “What is that?” 

“Asgardian Ale,” Bucky said with a smile. “It’s about the only thing that works for me. Maybe it’ll do something for you, too?”

Jessica flashed a wicked smile and refilled her cup, filling a second for Bucky. “Cheers,” she said, handing it to him. They touched glasses, and both drained their cups. 

“My boyfriend is going to drink your girlfriend under the table,” Matt whispered to Kate. 

Kate didn’t respond. She was pretty sure Matt was right.

A few ales later, Bucky was the kind of drunk that Matt had expected him to be based on Wade’s warning. “Hey,” he said, taking the cups out of Bucky and Jessica’s hands. “Maybe you two should cool it for a bit.”

“Fuck you, Murdock!” Jessica exclaimed, snatching her cup back.

“Hey!” Bucky pointed his finger in Jessica’s face. It wobbled back and forth slightly, and Bucky watched it for a moment, smiling. He shook his head, as if to clear it, and pointed at Jessica again. “Don’t you talk to my Matty that way. You would be lucky,” Bucky spun on his heel and pointed at Matt, “to fuck him.”

Jessica snickered. 

Matt felt himself turning red. 

“Hey, buddy,” Foggy said quietly behind him. “Looks like Marci and I got here right in time. You want a hand with this?”

Matt shook his head no. 

“This is going to get awkward, isn’t it?” Marci asked.

“Yeah… let’s just go over here…” Foggy ushered Marci to where Karen was standing near the grills.

Most of the crowd had dispersed when Bucky and Jessica had switched from arm-wrestling to drinking, a large contingent of the party having moved into the apartment for Karaoke. On their side of the roof, it was Bucky and Matt, Jessica and Kate, Clint, Frank, Wade, Pete, Thor, and Sam. Across the way, Wanda had started a makeshift bonfire in a charcoal grill, and she, Carol, Shuri, Karen, Foggy, and Marci were making s’mores. 

“All of you,” Bucky lowered his voice conspiratorially, “would be lucky to fuck him. Because this man,” he pointed at Matt again, “is a fucking genius. Like… literally. He is a genius at fucking.”

“James…” Matt tried to interrupt him “James, there are children present!” He gestured wildly to Pete and Kate. 

“Aww… Bucky, no…” Clint groaned at the same time. 

“Shhh….” Bucky pushed a finger roughly up against Matt’s lips. “You hush sweetheart. This is important stuff. This man,” he pointed at Matt again, “has magic fingers. I need you all to just stop and think about that for a minute and what that actually means. The things that this man can do with his hands. Did you know that he can read a piece of paper by feeling the texture of the ink on it? What else do you think he can do with fingers that sensitive? Hmmm? Let me tell you what he can do!”

“James I am begging you to stop!” Matt hissed at him, glancing nervously at Marci across the rooftop. “Please.” 

“Yeah, man.” Frank said with a smile. “We all already hear it happening. We don’t want to hear you talk about it, too!”

“Good point, Matty,” Bucky continued, ignoring Frank. “Begging. The things that come out of this man’s mouth, I cannot even begin to describe. Like a fucking prayer.”

“I’m just going to go jump off the side of the building, thanks,” Matt said to nobody in particular. 

“He’s wearing himself out,” Sam said, throwing an arm around Matt’s shoulder. “Honestly, content not withstanding, it’s good to see him like this. Haven’t seen him get really excited ‘bout something in a long time. Clearly you’re good for him, man.” 

Matt shook his head in disbelief. Sam patted him on the back, and headed over to make himself a s’more.

“And while we’re talking about his mouth, can I just add that the enhanced sensitivity isn’t just limited to his fingers? The tongue on this man… People might think that the devil’s tongue is only a gift in the courtroom, but let me tell you that they would be wrong.” 

“Oh my God,” Matt buried his face in his hands. 

“And so responsive!” 

_ Wait.  _ Matt lifted his head quickly.  _ That wasn’t James. Oh shit… _

“Yes!” Bucky responded with a laugh. “You get it!” He grabbed onto Wade’s arm and pulled him into a hug. “So responsive.”

The two men were talking to each other now, and the rest of the crowd around them began to walk away. Matt, of course, could hear them clearly.

“Like a fucking angel when he falls apart,” Wade said. “All blubbering and crying, gaspin’ like he can’t breathe.”

“All I gotta do is touch him with this thing,” Bucky held up his vibranium hand, “and his knees give out. And when he’s on his knees… Well, we ain’t talking bout things a man of god should be doin’ on his knees, are we Wade?”

Wade raised his eyebrows and shook his head no, grinning. “Don’t gotta tell him what you like, neither.”

“He can hear your heart poundin’.” Bucky finished Wade’s thought.

“This is a nightmare.”

“Do not fret, friend Matthew!” Thor clapped Matt once on the back and Matt staggered forward under the force of it. “You are among friends here, and we are all glad that Sargent Barnes has found someone to fill the void that the Captain left in his life. Besides,” he lowered his voice, “I can guarantee that everyone here has wondered if what he is saying were true. ‘Tis good to have it confirmed. Mayhaps Barnes shall consider sharing in the future? If that were something you were interested in, of course.”

Matt opened his mouth and then shut it again.

Bucky pulled Wade in for a hug. “‘M sorry I was mean to you, man. You’re pretty swell.”

“You say that now,” Wade said with a smile. “Let’s see about when you sober up a little…”

“‘Mnotdrunk,” Bucky slurred. “And you! Where did Clint go?” He spotted the archer on the other side of the building and headed towards him, practically dragging Wade behind him. He grabbed Clint with one arm, the other still firmly around Wade’s shoulders, and hauled them both in for another hug. “You’re the best pal that a guy could ask for. Lettin’ me come live with you and bein’ all fuckin’ cute with your arrows and shit. You’re just a sweet little assassabird and I love you.”

“Thanks?” Clint responded, trying to pull away. 

“And Frank.” Bucky called out: “Frank! Where are you, Frank?!”

“Uh uh,” Frank said, backing away. “No thank you, I don’t need this.”

“Aww, come’er,” Bucky said, pulling Frank into the hug with Clint and Wade. Frank groaned and tried to pull away as Bucky smooshed all of them together in a painfully tight embrace. “Yer like my brother, man. Never thought I’d meet somebody as angry as me.”

Frank grumbled something unintelligible.

“I love you guys so much,” Bucky said pulling away, and ok, maybe his eyes were a little misty. 

“You are so drunk, man,” Clint laughed out. “But I love you too. Now go find your boy. He’s the one you should be hugging on. You chase him away with that nonsense?”

“I didn’t.” Bucky looked around He saw Matt sitting on the edge of the building. “See, ‘s right there.”

Matt sat on the ledge, feet dangling over the side of the building, listening to the streets below. He focused on what he could hear past the rooftop, past Strange’s barrier, past his own pulse pounding in his head. It was challenging. The barrier blocked out almost as much from the outside as it did from the inside. Matt relished the challenge, focusing on it, trying to drown out everything that was inside.

Matt felt her moving towards him when she was still on the other side of the rooftop. She was hotter than melted glass and her heart pounded almost as loudly as Thors. The air rippled around her as she walked, displaced by the energy that rolled off of her skin.

“May I sit?” Carol asked, gesturing to the ledge next to Matt. She handed him a beer, which he accepted gladly. He noticed that she did not have one of her own.

“Yeah, sure.”

Carol stared out into the night, and Matt wondered what it was that she could see. “That was a dick move,” she finally said after several minutes. “It doesn’t matter how drunk somebody is, you don’t deserve to be embarrassed like that.”

“Thanks,” Matt said quietly. Then his face got hot as he realized where Carol had been standing. “You could hear everything over there?”

She shook her head. “Pete gave me an overview. Said you were upset and he didn’t know how to handle it. He’s a good kid. You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” Matt said, taking a drink.

Carol nodded, and returned to looking out over Bed Stuy. “I was in this relationship,” she said after a long pause, not turning to face. “It wasn’t romantic. The guy was supposed to be my teacher. But he meant a lot to me, you know? I cared what he thought about me.”

Matt sat silently.

“The whole time I was with him, it felt like I was drowning, and eventually I realized it was because he didn’t see me for who I was. He didn’t want me to be who I was. Who I was intimidated him, so he blocked it out. Convinced me I was somebody else. Only somewhere deep down, I knew I wasn’t somebody else. I knew I wasn’t this person he kept telling me I was. And I couldn’t really be me until I stopped trying to be who he told me I was.”

Matt turned to face her slightly.

“Now, this guy was full on evil, and Bucky’s not that. I’m not trying to say he is. Bucky’s a good guy. He’s got some flaws, but overall he’s a good guy. But you’ve got to make him see you. Actual you, and not just the part that he wants to see. Otherwise you’re always going to feel like you’re less than yourself.”

Matt smiled. “Thanks,” he said quietly. 

“No problem,” Carol replied, swinging her feet back onto the rooftop. “He’s headed over. I could push him off the edge of the roof, if you wanted. He’s enhanced. He’d survive. Probably.” She smirked.

Matt couldn’t help but laugh. “Nah, I can handle it.”

“Alright. Don’t be a stranger.” And she was gone. Matt heard her walk back over into the crowd. She wrapped one arm around Kate and the other around Jessica, and gave both a kiss on the cheek.

“Hey babe,” Bucky said, sliding in next to Matt.

“Hey,” Matt said cooly.

“You cross with me sweetheart?”

“Don’t call me sweetheart,” Matt said, shifting slightly away from where Bucky’s side had been touching his. 

Bucky blinked, then leaned in again. Matt could feel him swaying slightly, still heavily under the influence of the Asgardian Ale. 

“I’m sorry,” Matt said after a moment, pulling away again. “I can’t do this right now. You’re drunk, and I’ve got court in the morning. I’m going to go home. I’ll see you tomorrow after work.” He kissed Bucky on the cheek, then swung his legs around and stood on the roof. 

“‘M’not drunk,” Bucky said, trying to follow Matt’s movement. He slipped and Matt reached out a hand to catch him, keeping him from falling off the ledge. “Okay, maybe I’m a little bit drunk,” he said as he struggled to stand. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow,” Matt repeated, and he turned and walked away, leaving Bucky admiring his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, thanks and love and worship and all the things to Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat. Please, please, PLEASE consider leaving me comments and/or Kudos. I NEED THEM TO SURVIVE!!!! Honest. I will wither up and die. Also it is science that these things make me write faster and also happier stories. So... yeah. 
> 
> Many notes:
> 
> 1\. Please laugh at my Men In Black joke. It brings me so much joy.
> 
> 2\. Yes, I also ship Kate Bishop and America Chavez, but I didn't feel like I could introduce yet another comic book character so Kate/Jessica will have to do. I love them all and I want to write about all of them!!!
> 
> 3\. This is all I want in life thank you very much:
> 
> 4: Enjoy this lovely comic exchange between Bucky and Clint:


	5. Everything Sucks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to HaniTrash, Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, and FajitaShowboat!

Bucky woke up slowly, painfully. His entire body hurt. His head was pounding, his muscles ached, and his skin felt raw and oversensitive.

It had been a long time since he’d been drunk. It had been even longer since he’d been hungover. He rolled onto his side slightly, shifting backwards and pressing himself into Matt, who was laying on the bed next to him.

Bucky winced. He squinted his eyes open, but the room was too bright and too blurry and it made his stomach do a backflip. He closed his eyes again and lay there, feeling the room sway slightly beneath him. He tried to remember the night before. There had been a party and Thor had brought Asgardian ale. Bucky could remember arm wrestling Jessica Jones. He could remember the way it felt when her tiny frame had slammed his hand into the cold metal table. He couldn’t even be mad; it was too impressive. Then the two of them had started drinking and… everything went blank after that. 

Still asleep, Matt shifted slightly and slung his arm over Bucky. It felt heavy, Bucky thought.  _ Heavier than it should…  _ It pinned his right arm to his side. Bucky sighed and snuggled in. Behind him, Matt made a low noise in his sleep.  _ Lower than normal.  _ Bucky’s nose itched, and he reached up with his left arm to scratch it. 

The scratch never came.

In the back of his befuddled brain, Bucky heard two voices shouting at him, both of them his own, as two realizations fought through the fog trying to make themselves known.

His left arm was gone.

And that wasn’t Matt behind him. 

The body behind him was big - bigger than Bucky - and it was putting out a lot of heat. Whoever it was shifted slightly, and they let out a noise somewhere between a snort and a snore. 

Bucky wanted to roll away but he couldn’t. The weight of the person behind him was more than Bucky’s old mattress was used to, and the mattress sagged under it. The heavy arm over him had him pinned down. Bucky was stuck like light stuck in the gravity of a black hole. He was a permanent little spoon. He felt hot breath on his neck and felt panic beginning to creep in. Shadows of memories flashed in his brain, his time with Hydra, waking up slightly, not knowing who he was or who he was with, his brain muddled and his senses screaming at him…

He took a deep breath and held it, counting to five, trying not to hyperventilate. This wasn’t that. He was among friends. He had to be…

Bucky fought the pain in his head as he peeled his eyes open again, blinking against the too bright sunlight streaming in through the window. He was in his own apartment. His own room. He pushed through a wave of nausea and focused on his own body. He was fully clothed, so that was something. The body behind him shifted and Bucky felt fabric rubbing on fabric, which implied that the person behind him was clothed as well. And he wasn’t sticky or anything. Nothing about his body felt like he’d had sex the night before, thank god.

Where was Matt? 

Where was his arm?

Who the hell was in bed with him?

The arm hanging over him was thick and tan and heavily muscled, with protruding veins and light brown hair. He’d seen it before, a thousand times. It was an arm he knew well. One he’d fought alongside. 

_ Thor. _

From where he was pinned down in his own bed, Bucky could see the floor of his room. Scott and Peter Quill were there, tangled together, a blanket pulled over them, each using several of Bucky’s shirts as pillows. In the corner of the room, Bucky could make out a small pile of brown fur, snuggling around something black and metallic. 

“Fuck,” Bucky whispered. Well, at least he knew where his arm was.

“It’s too early, man,” Quill groaned. “Fuck yourself.”

“Oh, god no. Please don’t do that,” Scott muttered, not moving. “Not here. Not now.”

Behind him, Thor snore-snorted again.

Bucky took a moment to consider his situation. His right arm was now fully trapped under the weight of Thor’s bulging bicep. His left arm was being aggressively snuggled by a fucking raccoon on the other side of the room. He kicked his feet off the side of the bed and hooked his heels against the edge of the mattress, gently pulling himself down and out of Thor’s embrace. When he was free, Bucky used his right hand to push himself up to sitting. 

Thor grunted and shifted slightly, hugging Bucky’s pillow tight to his chest. 

Bucky stood and took three steps towards the door, then stared at the corner. Rocket was gone. “Fuck.” 

From the floor, Quill flailed an ineffective hand at him. Bucky kicked at him, missing completely, and tripping over his own feet. He cursed again, braced himself to keep from falling, then slipped out the bedroom door. 

“Morning, buttercup,” Wade whispered from the kitchen before Bucky could say a word. He held a finger to his lips and pointed towards the couch where Frank and Karen were asleep, arms and legs intertwined. 

“Morning,” Bucky whispered back, walking quickly and silently over to him. “Where’s Rocket?”

Wade passed him a glass of water and a bottle of Tylenol. Bucky stared at it bleakly. “This ain’t gonna do shit for me,” he said, passing the bottle back. 

Wade shrugged. “It was all I could find. Clint must hide the good stuff.” He passed Bucky a steaming mug of coffee. Bucky glared at him, but took it anyway. 

“Where’s Rocket?” he asked again, taking a sip of the coffee and finding Wade had made it extra sweet. 

“You don’t get hungover?” Wade asked.

“I feel like shit,” Bucky growled at him. “But that fucking raccoon has my arm and I want it back.”

"Yeah… about that,” Wade put his hands on his hips. “Listen sweetlips, we need to talk about what happened last night, and as interested as I am in your metallic sex-toy of death, I have absolutely no interest in getting punched with it.”

“Where. Is. Rocket?” Bucky sat the coffee down on the counter and took two menacing steps towards Wade.

“He’s nearby. So is your arm. He’ll bring it back after we talk. Is that really who you should be asking about?”

Bucky blinked at him.

“Where’s Matt?” Wade asked.

“He… he went home.”

“Uh huh. Do you remember why?”

“He had court this morning. He needed to… oh…” realization dawned on Bucky’s face. “I… Oh shit.”

“Yeah. Oh shit is right,” Wade agreed 

“You.” Bucky wasn’t whispering anymore, and Frank and Karen stirred on the couch. “You were egging me on. The things you said…” He backed Wade into a corner.

“Uh-uh,” Wade held up both his hands. “None of that, now. I wasn’t egging you on. I was redirecting you, kitten. Which do you think Matt would have been more upset about, you saying all that to me, or you shouting it from the rooftops?”

Bucky made a face like he’d been punched. He took several steps back, gripping the edge of the kitchen counter. “I need to go to him. I need my fucking arm so I can go to him.”

“Sit down. Drink your coffee. It’s after 9:30 so he’s in court already. What are you gonna do, make another scene? Embarrass him even further?”

Bucky was moving towards him again, and he definitely would have hit Wade if Frank hadn’t called out from behind him.

“BARNES!”

Bucky stopped, turning on his heel to face Frank who had stood up. Frank was shirtless and his hair was mussed, but his eyes were clear and hard. Clint had come out of his bedroom and was standing bare shoulder to bare shoulder with Frank, arms crossed in front of him.

"Breathe, man,” Clint said gently. “Stop for a minute and think.” 

“Yeah, and as much as I don’t wanna agree with Douchepool, he’s right. You fucked up with Red. But he’s going to be even madder if you kick Wade's ass."

"Again!" Wade chimed in.

"Not helping right now, idiot."

Bucky glared at Frank and Clint.  His fist clenched and unclenched.

“Are you always this angry?” Wade asked. “Because if you fuck this angry, it’s no wonder Matty is in love with you.”

Bucky moved on instinct and, before he even had time to realize what he was doing, he had Wade pinned against the wall, feet dangling off the ground, with Bucky's hand around his throat. Wade’s eyes bugged out and he kicked at Bucky, his hands clawing at the fingers around his neck. Even with his own enhanced strength, Wade couldn’t break free of Bucky’s grasp. 

It wasn’t until Bucky felt Clint and Frank’s hands on his shoulders and arm, breaking his grip, pulling him away from Wade, that he even realized what he was doing.

“Fuck me,” Wade moaned. “Like, please. Literally. That was the hottest fucking thing ever.”

“Can you stop runnin’ your mouth for one goddamn minute?!?!” Frank shouted.

“Just tell him where his futzing arm is,” Clint added loudly.

“Rocket is hiding with it up on the roof.”

“On the roof?” Bucky asked him incredulously, the rage beginning to bristle up his spine again. “You mean where their fucking spaceship is cloaked?”

Wade blinked at him, realization dawning. “Ohh… but he wouldn’t, right? I mean, he told me he was just going to hold it to help me out so you couldn’t punch me with it.”

“HE HAS BEEN TRYING TO TAKE THAT ARM SINCE BEFORE THE BLIP!”

“Ok.” Wade held up one finger, and ducked under Bucky’s remaining arm. “I’m just gonna… hold that thought one minute.” He quickly clambered out the window and onto the fire escape, and climbed up to the roof. Bucky sat back down at the counter. He eyed the mug of coffee suspiciously.

“Why is there shouting?” Quill asked, groggily, emerging from Bucky’s room. He stared at Bucky. “Where’s your…”

“Don’t!” Frank and Clint cut him off in unison. 

Quill snapped his mouth shut.

Bucky sighed and muttered under his breath: “ Наталья, дай мне силы.”*

There was stillness for a moment, then Frank walked into the kitchen and poured two mugs of coffee. He walked back to the couch, carrying the mugs in one hand, and the now half full pot in the other. On his way past, before sitting on the couch next to Karen, Frank handed the pot to Clint, who drank directly from it.

“What the fuck, dude?” Quill exclaimed. 

Clint shrugged and took another gulp of coffee.

“Heyyyy there everybody,” Wade said with a huge grin, climbing back in through the window. He pointed at Quill.“That guy. Buddy. So good to see you again.” 

“It’s Star Lord,” Quill said back harshly. “Have we met?”

“Of course we have old buddy old pal. Hey. Hypothetically speaking. If your fancy spaceship were, I don’t know, let's say  _ gone,  _ could you maybe find it and bring it back? Again, just making conversation. No need to get concerned or anything.” Wade gave a nervous glance in Bucky’s direction. 

Bucky folded his arm on the kitchen counter, and laid his head on it.

“Because this is like a C story at best,” Wade continued nervously. “So if we could just like three star ourselves out of it and move on, that would be great.”

Everyone in the room stared at him.

Bucky sighed.

“Where’s my goddamn ship?!?” Quill shouted.

Before anyone could answer, Bucky’s bedroom door opened and Thor and Scott walked out. Thor stretched luxuriously. “Thank you for a magnificent rest, Sergeant. You are an excellent bedfellow." 

Bucky groaned and sank his head deeper into his arm.

“Friend Barnes,” Thor said, walking over to him. “Why dost thou look sad? Where is thine other arm?”

Bucky glared up at him. “Wade gave Rocket my arm while I was passed out, and he took off with it.”

“Hey now!” Wade interjected. “I did not give him your arm. He did that all by himself. I just… maybe encouraged him to take it a little bit is all.”

Thor chuckled. It was deep and rumbled through the apartment. “Give me your talking thing,” he said without turning, holding his hand back towards Quill.

“Excuse me?”

“Your talking thing. From your jacket. Give it to me.”

“I’m not giving you anything.”

Thor sighed and turned to face Quill. “Do you wish Rabbit to return with his ship?” he asked.

“It’s my ship!” Quill exclaimed, “and I can get it myself! I don’t need your help with that.”

Thor smiled. His eyes sparkled. “Yes, of course. Please,” he gestured with open palms, “dazzle us with your leadership skills.”

Quill narrowed his eyes, then ducked back into Bucky’s room and shut the door behind him.

Thor stifled a laugh, pressing his finger up against his lips. He leaned towards the door and listened.

“Rocket!” Quill’s voice was muffled from behind the door. “Goddamn it, turn my ship around and come back here right now… No! Rocket… I… Come on, man… Listen they are all out there and you need to… No… Fuck… Rocket I… Rocket!!!”

Quill exited the room, head lowered. He muttered something unintelligible while pressing the communicator into Thor’s hand.

Thor smiled. “Hello Rabbit,” he said into the communicator. “Please return the Sergeant’s arm to him immediately, or I will tell everyone what happened on Halfworld.”

“Hey Thor, buddy, friend.” Rocket’s voice came through the communicator. “I’m not even gone. I’m landing now. This was all just a misunderstanding. I’ll be there in a minute. Just keep your mouth shut, ok?!?” The line went dead.

Thor handed the communicator back to Quill with a smug grin.

“What… what happened on Halfworld?” Quill asked quietly.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Thor responded.

  
***

Bucky flexed and twisted his left arm in its socket as he walked through the East Village towards the Sanctum Sanctorum. It didn’t feel like Rocket had done anything to it, but he needed to be sure. Just the thought of somebody messing with his arm made Bucky feel twitchy. Clint walked next to him, under the pretense of needing to talk to T’Challa about some vibranium coated arrows (like that was ever going to happen!).

Clint hadn’t said a word the entire subway ride into Manhattan, which was perfectly fine by Bucky. He didn’t want to talk about it. Didn’t want to talk about anything. But there was something… deep in the back of his brain. Something Wade had said. Wade said a lot of shit, and Bucky didn’t pay any attention to most of it, but he just couldn’t seem to let this go… Wade had been running his mouth but...  _ I _ _ t’s no wonder Matty is in love with you.  _ That’s what he’d said. And Wade was Matt’s friend. Did he know something Bucky didn’t? They had never said it. Not like that. Not for real. Was Matt in love with him?

Was he in love with Matt?

Would Matt ever forgive him for the night before?

When they were a few blocks away from the Sanctum, Clint finally spoke. “It’s going to work out. You know it is. He’s not going to stay mad.”

Bucky grunted.

“I’m sure it’s going to be fine. Just tell him you’re sorry. Take him dancing or something. Buy him a nice present. It’ll be awesome.”

Bucky stopped walking and turned to face Clint, his face pinched. “What’s the last successful relationship you were in?” he asked.

Clint opened his mouth to talk.

“Romantic relationship,” Bucky clarified. “So Kate doesn’t count.”

“That’s low,” Clint said quietly.

“I’m in a low place,” Bucky replied. “I don’t need you of all people trying to cheer me up.”

They walked in silence for another block.

“Everything sucks,” Clint muttered as they were climbing the stairs to the Sanctum.

“Everything sucks,” Bucky agreed, holding the door open for Clint to walk through.

“But,” Clint said as they started up the stairs to the second floor, “Matt’s a better person than you are.” He noticed Bucky starting to bristle and quickly clarified. “He’s a better person than me, too. He’s better than all of us! He’s all about forgiveness, right?”

Bucky nodded glumly.

“So let him forgive you,” Clint said, resting a hand gently on Bucky’s shoulder as the two men walked through the portal and came out in Wakanda on the other side.

There was, in fact, something wrong with Bucky’s arm, Shuri informed him after a careful scanning. As far as she could tell, Rocket had been poking around in there with a small piece of metal, maybe the tip of a knife, probably trying to open it up and see how it worked. He’d managed to short out multiple secondary systems and knock several of the balancing mechanisms out of alignment. Nothing critical had been hurt, of course, but if Bucky wanted everything to be at top performance Shuri would need to replace three hubs and recalibrate the whole thing. Plus, while she was in there, she may as well add the feature to discharge excess energy that she’d been working on since she’d heard about the incident with the lightning storm and Deadpool. 

“If you find yourself in a similar situation in the future,” she explained to Bucky as she twisted his arm into its socket, “simply activate this protocol and the energy will safely disperse. Let me show you.”

“When am I going to get struck by lightning again…” Bucky began to ask, when he quickly shut his mouth and stared down at his arm in horror. “What is it doing?” he choked out, voice suddenly hoarse. 

“Ahh, yes, well there wasn’t actually any excess energy to discharge, now was there?” Shuri explained. “If your arm were overloaded with energy, it would be safely dispersing it in small bursts now. Since there’s nothing there to disperse, it’s just kind of…”

“Vibrating.” Bucky finished the sentence, staring at his arm. His arm, which was, at the moment, vibrating rather aggressively.

“Yes,” Shuri said with a sly smile. “I suppose it is. But do not worry. It is not doing it any harm to run like this. It could run like this for literally hours with no ill effect to you or the arm.”

Bucky looked up at her wide eyed. 

Shuri smiled harder, and then winked at him.

_ That little shit. _

When Bucky was done with Shuri - his arm scanned and repaired and apparently a vibrator now for some goddamned reason that Bucky wasn’t quite willing to think about in the presence of a princess - he headed out to find Clint. He found the archer, without much trouble, down near Bucky’s old hut, sitting on the ground surrounded by baby goats. 

“GOATS!” Clint exclaimed.

“I’m aware. Can we go now?”

“But Bucky. GOATS!”

“Clint.” Bucky sighed and scratched the head of a red goat that was aggressively headbutting his leg. “Clint I want to go home now. We’ve been here for almost six hours.”

Clint sighed. “Fine.” He stood up slowly, and gave one last longing look around at the goats surrounding him. “Goats, Bucky. Goats,” he said quietly.

Bucky shook his head. “Don’t you have a farm?”

He took off briskly back towards Shuri’s lab, with Clint nearly running behind him to keep up. “What the futz, man. Slow down,” Clint huffed. “He has court cases back-to-back all day today. He’s not supposed to be out for over an hour.”

“What if he gets out early? I want to be there when he...” Bucky braced him himself as they entered the portal. It didn’t matter how many times he walked through, it still made all the hair on his arm stand up, and sent shivers down his spine. “...gets out.”

They walked back down the stairs of the Sanctum. The moment they walked out the door, Bucky froze.

“Something’s wrong,” Clint said. 

Bucky nodded. There was a breeze coming from the south, and the air smelled spoiled and charred. Bucky took off at a sprint towards the courthouse.

“OK, MAN! I’LL JUST CATCH UP WITH YOU LATER!” Clint called after him. He shook his head. “Fucking super-soldiers,” he muttered under his breath. Then he took off at a moderate jog in the direction Bucky was headed. 

“What happened here?!?” Bucky asked, pushing up through a crowd of people clustered around the courthouse building and ducking under a yellow tape. 

“You can’t be in here,” a police detective replied, putting her hand on Bucky’s shoulder and attempting to push him back under the tape. Bucky didn’t move. “Excuse you!” the woman shouted, pushing harder. 

“I’m an Avenger,” Bucky hissed at her. “I’m here to help.” 

The detective blinked at him. “We don’t need an Avenger,” she said after a moment’s pause. “There’s nothing here to avenge. It’s under control.”

“How can you say it’s under control?” Bucky gestured wildly at the building. One of the exterior walls was half disintegrated, smoke pouring out from the gaping hole, firefighters and emergency responders frantically working to put out several smouldering fires as well as prop up the structure to prevent further collapse. “Who did this? Where are they? Are we under attack?” Bucky felt frantic.

The woman placed a hand firmly on Bucky’s shoulder. “You need to calm down,” she said quietly but firmly. “You’re scaring people, ok?” 

Bucky looked around wildly. The crowd he had pushed through was now focused intently on him. He saw Clint at the back of the crowd, trying to find his own way up to the front. 

“There was no attack,” the detective continued, voice calm and smooth. “A gas line burst. Nothing more. It’s terrible and a tragedy, but we gotta make sure nobody panics, ok?”

“Matt.” It was all Bucky could seem to get out.

The woman looked at him questioningly. 

“I know someone who was here today,” he finally said. “Were there any injuries? Any fatalities?”

The detective nodded. “They’re not releasing names yet. Not until they’ve contacted immediate family. Are you…”

Bucky shook his head no. He looked at the detective, actually seeing her for the first time. Her eyes were soft and brown, and her hair fell in tight curls around her face. He looked at her hand, still on his shoulder, then grabbed it by the wrist and wrenched it up to his face. It was black, similar to his, but different. 

“Hey!” the detective yelped, trying to pull away. “Let go of…”

“You’re Misty Knight,” Bucky interrupted.

“What’s it to you?” Misty asked, successfully pulling her hand away this time.

“You know Matt. Matthew Murdock.”

Misty stared at him. “Yeah…” she said after a pause. “I do. He’s your someone?”

Bucky nodded. “Have you seen him,” he asked.

Misty narrowed her eyes. “How do you know Matt?” she asked cautiously.

“Like I said,” Bucky lowered his voice. “I’m an Avenger.”

Misty pressed her lips together, thinking. She shook her head. “I haven’t seen him. Not… not either of them.” She looked up at Bucky, trying to gauge if he understood. “You sure he was here today?”

Bucky felt something inside of him collapse. “He was here. If he were ok…” Bucky whispered, fighting back tears, “If he was ok, he woulda been helping get people out.”

Misty grabbed Bucky’s hands. “I’ve seen him get out of worse,” she said roughly, pulling Bucky close to her. “I’ve seen him get out of worse.”

A sob was starting to form in Bucky’s throat when Clint finally broke through the crowd, ducking under the yellow tape. 

“Clint!” Misty shouted at him.

“Good to see you, Misty.”

“This your boy?” 

Clint nodded. 

“Get him out of here, ok?” Misty pushed a shaking Bucky into Clint’s arms.

_ Matt?  _ Clint mouthed at her.

Misty just shook her head,  _ no _ , then turned and started walking away. 

Clint’s eyes widened. “Ok, buddy. We gotta go. Now.” 

“We gotta find him!” Bucky said loudly, allowing himself to be led by Clint.

“Shhh,” Clint whispered. “Not here. Not around all these people. If he’s ok…”

Bucky made a choking noise.

“We’re assuming he’s ok, and that means you need to watch what you’re saying, ok? You make a scene here, start shouting stuff…” Clint trailed off. 

Bucky nodded, collecting himself and standing up straight. “We need to look for him. We need to help.”

Clint shook his head, looking at the crowd of people staring at them. “We need to go. This isn’t our place. We’re making it worse for these people. This was a tragedy, but a normal one. The Avengers on the scene make it look like another incident. Another battle of New York. And people don’t need that. They’ve been through enough. We gotta go.”

“Clint...”

“Bucky, the cops are doing their job. If he’s here, they’ll find him. But more likely he’s not and then we need to figure out where he went. If he’s hurt…”

“If he’s here and he’s hurt, they’ll take him to the hospital and see that he’s…”

“A blind man,” Clint cut him off, whispering. “Which is exactly what he is. Matt Murdock, the perfectly normal blind lawyer was at the courthouse today and can go to the hospital if he needs to. What were you about to say? Now do you understand why you need to get out of here?”

Bucky nodded bleakly.

“We will find him. But we can’t stay here.” 

Bucky stared at the smoking building, but allowed himself to be dragged away.

***

To say Matt’s ears were ringing would be an understatement. He had been on the other side of the building when the explosion happened, and still the sound of it had knocked him unconscious. When he’d come to, he’d been completely disoriented, radar fully offline, and deaf to boot. Fortunately Foggy had been the one to find him, and he’d pressed his face into Matt’s hands. “Home,” Matt had croaked out.

_ Hospital _ , Foggy had written into Matt’s palm with his finger after realizing Matt couldn’t hear him.

Matt shook his head no.

_ Claire?  _ he wrote the word again.

“Home.”

_ The worst,  _ Foggy wrote into his hand, and then Matt felt Foggy’s finger poke him square in the chest. 

Matt forced a smile. “I know,” he said gruffly. “I’m the worst.”

Foggy helped him to his feet, and together they walked out of the courthouse. Matt felt a wave of guilt roll over him. He could smell the gas, the burning, the fear. “We need to help,” he said meekly. “I need to help.” 

_ How?  _ Foggy continued to hold Matt’s hand with one of his own, and touched Matt’s ear with the other. 

“I don’t know,” Matt admitted. “But I need to do something.”

_ Misty.  _ Foggy touched Matt’s hand with his full palm, indicating a new word.  _ Luke. Danny. Colleen. Pete. _

“They’re all here?”

_ Yes. _

“Ok.” 

Foggy hailed a cab, and directed the driver to Matt’s address.

“James!” Matt said, after they were underway in the cab. “I need to tell James I’m ok.” He pulled out his phone and handed it to Foggy.

_ Broken.  _ Foggy drew Matt’s fingers over the fractured phone screen.

_ Damn,  _ Matt thought.  _ I must have fallen on it when I was knocked out.  _

_ Karen -> Frank -> Bucky?  _ Foggy pressed into his palm.

“Yeah. Yeah that will work.” Matt sat in silence and darkness, feeling Foggy make the phone call next to him. He took the opportunity to assess himself. He hadn’t been hurt at all - not physically anyway. His head hurt, but that was likely most likely a side effect of the volume of the explosion as it tore through him. He didn’t feel any bumps or bruises. 

_ No service,  _ Foggy wrote into his hand.

“Fuck,” Matt breathed out. “Well you’re taking me home, anyway. I’m sure that’s where he’d look first.”

Foggy squeezed his hand.

Matt tried to settle in at his apartment, waiting for James to get there. He could feel Foggy pacing. He could smell Foggy’s anxiety. Phone lines were still overwhelmed across the city, and Matt knew Foggy’s family would be worried. Marci would be worried. 

“Go,” Matt told him.

_ Can’t leave you. _

“My hearing is coming back already,” Matt said weakly. 

Matt could hear the vibrations of Foggy speaking, but he couldn’t quite make out the words.

_ Asshole.  _ Foggy wrote into his hand.  _ Liar. _

Matt shrugged. “I just need to rest. I’ll be fine.”

_ No DD. _

“Yes,” Matt agreed. “Absolutely not. I promise. I just need to rest. This should all clear up shortly. Plus James will be here soon, I’m sure.” Matt was surprised he wasn’t there yet. He’d figured James would come looking for him the moment the explosion happened.

_ Promise?  _

“Cross my heart,” Matt replied with a smile.

_ Rest.  _

“Got it.”

Foggy placed a hand on Matt’s shoulder, and then pulled away. Matt tried to listen to him as he left the room, but heard nothing above the ringing in his own ears. He felt the vibration of the air as the door opened and shut again, but he couldn’t hear the door close. Matt laid down on the couch and closed his eyes.

Judging by the chill in the air, Matt guessed that was about three hours ago. 

_ Three. Fucking. Hours.  _ Matt thought to himself.  _ Where the fuck is James? _

What had started as annoyance and anger at being apparently forgotten about quickly turned to anxiety. Sure, things hadn’t been great when he’d left the party, but he’d been mad at James not the other way around. And Matt figured James probably wouldn’t have remembered much of that anyway; he’d been so drunk the night before. Matt didn’t really care that James had been drunk. He’d gotten drunk and done stupid things enough times in his own life that being angry about something like that would be pretty hypocritical. It was the way James had talked about him… diminutive. Like he was a joke. Matt knew he wasn’t on the same level as the Avengers, but James always treated him like he was so fragile. He wasn’t fucking fragile. He wasn’t a fucking pet for James to keep around and dote on. 

And now, when he actually did need James here to help him, the bastard was nowhere to be found.

Except… it didn’t make any sense? Where was he? Why wouldn’t he be here? Matt had spent too long alone, in darkness and silence. He was starting to panic. Had something happened to James at the party after he’d left? Was James in trouble?

Had he gone to the courthouse to find Matt? To apologize? Had he been there when...

Matt tried to focus his senses, to listen for the arm, but the ringing in his head was still too loud and he gave up after less than a minute, clutching his head in his hands. He started to pace, head still pounding. He needed to do something. He had promised Foggy that he wouldn’t go out like this, but things were different now. Something was wrong. James wouldn’t stay away like this. 

He moved towards the coat closet.

***

“Three hours?!?” Bucky exclaimed.

“Looks like it,” Clint said, staring angrily down at his phone as they walked further away from the courthouse. “I can’t get this thing to update, though. Phone services must be down across the city.”

“Fuck! I knew we needed to get back. Clint. He could be anywhere. He could be buried in rubble. He could be bleeding out somewhere.”

“He could be at home at his apartment,” Clint interrupted. “We have no way to know. Let’s start there. If he’s not there, we’ll go to his office. We’ll try to track down Foggy or Karen.”

Bucky nodded bleakly. Then his eyes lit up and before Clint could say anything, he’d taken off running.

“Futz,” Clint muttered as he started walking towards the subway station. At least if Bucky was going to super-soldier-sprint there, Clint didn’t have to worry about trying to keep up. He was ready to sit down and let the blessed New York Public Transportation System take him where he needed to go.

He was about to head down into the Canal Street station when he heard the loud roar of a motorcycle engine pull up behind him. “Where the fuck are you going?” Bucky shouted.

Clint spun around. “What the hell, man? Where’d you get that?”

“Borrowed it. Get on. Now!” Bucky thrust a helmet into Clint’s hands.

“Bucky, you can’t just steal a motorcycle,” Clint said, throwing his leg over the back and buckling the helmet into place. He grabbed on to Bucky’s sides to steady himself. 

“Didn’t steal it,” Bucky answered. They were already moving. “Borrowed it!”

Clint buried his head into Bucky’s back and held on tight, and in no time they were pulling up at Matt’s building. Clint’s knees shook as he stepped off the motorcycle, and he tried hard not to think about how many sidewalks they had taken to get there. Bucky was already gone, sprinting up the stairs, and Clint followed slowly.

Bucky banged on Matt’s apartment door. There was no answer, but he could hear small movements inside. He slammed his left arm into the door, breaking it open. Matt was kneeling on the floor in front of his coat closet, opening the chest where Bucky knew the Daredevil suit was stored. Bucky rushed up behind him, dropped to his own knees, and wrapped his arms arms around Matt tightly.

Matt jumped.

That shouldn’t have been his first clue that something was wrong, but it was. Only then did Bucky realize that Matt hadn’t gotten up when Bucky had knocked. He hadn’t even turned when Bucky had knocked the door down. And now…

Matt was clawing at him in panicked desperation, trying to get out of his strong arms. 

Bucky grabbed Matt’s hands and held them to his face.

Matt slumped, gasping for air. “James. Jesus fuck James you scared the hell out of me.” His voice was a little too loud, a little too shrill.

“What’s happening?” Bucky asked. 

“I can’t hear anything,” Matt said at the same time. “There was an explosion. At the courthouse. It was so loud and now…” he gestured at his ears. “Nothing but ringing.”

“Oh baby,” Bucky murmured, and pulled Matt even closer. 

Clint cleared his throat behind them. “I’m just gonna go, ok?” Bucky flailed a dismissive hand at him, and he disappeared back into the hallway, closing the broken door as best he could. 

“How do I…?” Bucky started to ask, before realizing Matt couldn’t even hear him ask that. He pulled Matt’s hands back up to his face, then leaned in and kissed him. If they couldn’t talk… well, there were other ways he could show Matt how sorry he was. How happy he was that Matt was ok. How worried he’d been about him. He wrapped an arm around Matt’s waist and supported him, pulling them both up to standing. Matt sank into his arms and Bucky kissed him again, harder this time. “You scared me,” he whispered into Matt’s face, knowing full well that his words were falling on deaf ears and needing to say them anyway. “You scared me so fucking much.” He ran his hands through Matt’s hair, pushing it back away from his face, then dragged their lips together again. He scraped his teeth over Matt’s lower lip as he pulled away, and Matt groaned. 

“The phones are all down,” Matt gasped out between kisses. “I thought you would come here. When you didn’t, I thought something had happened.”

“And what? You thought you were going to go out and find me? Is that what you were doing when I came in?” Bucky said to the air. He tucked his fingers under the hem of Matt’s shirt and pulled it up over his head. “You were going to go out like this? With nothing but your sense of touch to guide you? Fuck you’re such an idiot.” He pulled away just enough to take off his own shirt, then pulled Matt back in close, lifting him up.

Matt wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist, and raked his fingers through Bucky’s hair. He ran his hands down Bucky’s neck and back and over his shoulders and arms, all the while kissing Bucky like his life depended on it, frantic and sloppy. “I can feel you talking,” his voice was practically a whimper. “I can feel the vibrations of it in your chest. Feel your breath on my skin. But I can’t hear you.”

Bucky kissed down the side of Matt’s jaw and neck, brushing his lips against Matt’s shoulder blade before biting down on it gently. “I got you, baby. I’m here,” he whispered.

“Fuck, James you feel so good. It’s like my sense of touch is working even harder, trying to make up for my ears. Everything feels so good. So much.” Matt’s voice was ragged, and he made a strangled noise when Bucky sucked a bruise into his collarbone. “Please,” he sobbed. “Please, please…”

Bucky growled, and Matt practically convulsed in his arms. 

“Oh my God do that again.”

Bucky chuckled, and then did his best to recreate the sound before laying Matt down gently on the couch and stepping back to admire him.

“No, please,” Matt cried out, tears springing to his eyes almost immediately. “Please don’t leave me alone.”

It was only then that Bucky realized what Matt was actually facing. He had nothing. No sight. No hearing. Bucky suddenly had a flash of memories: moments of consciousness while frozen, memories of being only aware of the fact that he wasn’t aware of anything, of being aware of profound and overpowering nothingness, of time becoming meaningless, of questioning his own existence. He quickly grabbed Matt’s hand, and pressed his lips to it. “I’m here,” he spoke, his lips brushing Matt’s fingertips. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.”

Matt was shaking, and he reached out with his free hand and grabbed Bucky by the back of his head, fingers clenching tightly in his hair. “Don’t leave.”

Bucky shook his head,  _ no _ , and Matt’s grip loosened. He kissed up Matt’s arm and down his chest, and Matt shouted when Bucky sucked a nipple into his mouth and bit down on it gently. Bucky draped himself over Matt’s body, then propped himself up on his elbows and stared down into his deep, brown, vacant eyes. “I love you. You know that, right?” he whispered. Matt’s eyebrows raised, questioning. “I love you so much. I never thought that I could. It was only ever Steve for me. I never stopped to imagine my life with somebody else. Never bothered to think what it could be like. You think you’re like him… think I’m replacing him with you. I’m not. You’re not.” Bucky laughed and Matt cocked his head to the side, questioning, hands running up and down Bucky’s back. “I mean, you’re both idiots who are constantly trying to get yourself killed. You’d probably jump out of a plane without a parachute, wouldn’t you?” 

He stared down at Matt, who stared back up at him blankly. “But Steve…” Bucky’s throat swelled and voice cracked. “He could never deal with it, you know? The anger inside of me. He wanted his friend back. Wanted me to be who I was. Who I’m not anymore. You…” he ran a finger along Matt’s lips, and Matt licked at it. “You see who I am, who I really am, and you want me anyway. You lean into the anger. The hurt. The pain. Because you feel it too, don’t you? You can’t see, and yet you see more of me than anyone else ever has. You see all the parts of me.” 

Matt frowned and bit at his lower lip.

“I’m so sorry,” Bucky continued, “for the things I said last night. The way it must have made you feel. I’m sorry for treating you like that. I won’t. I won’t ever again, if you forgive me. I’ve already asked that too many times, and I know it. I do. I haven’t been fair to you. I haven’t treated you with the respect that you deserve. You’re as good as all of us, baby. Better, even. You’re so brave and so strong and so good. You intimidate me. I know I can’t live up to you - to the faith you have in me. You fucking picked up that hammer and you still doubt yourself. I hate that I added to that. I hate that I made you feel like an outsider. Like you’re not good enough…”

Matt reached up with one hand and touched Bucky’s face. He wiped a tear away with his thumb. “James…” his voice was quiet. Unsure. “I don’t understand. I’m sorry.”

Bucky shook his head and grabbed Matt’s other hand, holding them both to his face. “Please don’t say you’re sorry. You’ve got nothing to be sorry for. I’m sorry. I love you so much. I’m so sorry.”

Matt opened his mouth, but before he could speak Bucky kissed him, soft and gentle at first, lips pressed together like a prayer. Then Matt licked hesitantly into his mouth and Bucky’s self control crumbled. He was devouring Matt, biting his lips and sucking his tongue into his mouth and crushing his body with his hands. Bucky ground into him, painfully hard, and thrilled at finding Matt just as hard beneath him. He was moving quickly now, urgently, stripping off Matt’s pants and then his own, always being careful to keep his right hand against Matt’s skin. He clambered off the couch, holding Matt’s hand, squeezing it tightly in his own. He dug his other hand under the couch, hopeful, grinning when he retrieved a bottle of lube that he had stashed there weeks earlier. 

Matt groaned. “God, James, yes,” he whispered, as Bucky pushed first one, and then two lubed vibranium fingers into him. 

“I love you,” Bucky whispered, as he worked him open on his fingers. “I love you. Let me take care of you.”

Matt groaned, lost to the sensation.

“Let me take care of you,” he repeated, fingers stroking against Matt’s prostate. “Let me show you how perfect and worthy and good enough you are.”

Matt gasped and shuddered, and Bucky pulled his fingers out, lining himself up and pushing into Matt’s waiting warmth. 

“Let me take care of you.” Bucky pushed into Matt in one smooth thrust, then paused, feeling him tight around his cock. He leaned down and kissed Matt, who whimpered, fingers digging into Bucky’s biceps. “God you’re so fucking good.” Bucky rolled his hips slowly, dragging his cock out of Matt until just the head was caught against Matt’s rim. He paused, breathing heavily. “I love you so much,” he whispered reverently. “I love you.” Then he snapped his hips and thrust back into Matt hard.

“FUCK,” Matt shouted. “Please, James. Yes! Please! Harder!”

Bucky did as he was asked, thrusting into Matt without holding back, focusing on his angle so he knew he was rubbing against Matt’s prostate as he dragged himself out, only to push back in hard again with the next breath. Matt was panting beneath him, sweat beading on his chest and forehead. Bucky knew they were both close. He rolled his hips again and reached down to stroke Matt’s cock, the stream of gentle praise and reverence falling from his lips standing in stark opposition to the force with which he was driving himself into Matt’s body. 

Matt shuddered and came with a shout, clenching down on Bucky who followed almost immediately behind him. It was only after the fact, when Bucky’s breath was starting to return to normal, that he looked at his vibranium hand and realized he had ripped a piece of Matt’s sofa right off.

“Oh shit,” Bucky said, looking at the ragged hunk of leather and foam in his hand.

Matt’s eyes got wide. “I heard that!” he exclaimed. “It’s still fuzzy, but I heard that.” 

“Thank god,” Bucky leaned down and kissed him gently. “Bad news? I kind of broke your couch.” He guided Matt’s hand to where there was now a hand sized gap in the back of his main piece of furniture. 

Matt ran his fingers over the gaping hole for a minute, then smiled. “Worth it,” he muttered. 

Bucky stared down at Matt smiling and felt warmth rush through him.  _ I’m in love with you,  _ he thought. “Bed?” he asked.

Matt nodded, then squeaked as Bucky scooped him up in his arms and carried him to the bedroom. He laid Matt gently down on the bed. “You ok?” he asked, brushing a strand of dark hair out of Matt’s eyes.

Matt nodded. “Never better,” he hummed.

Bucky held his hand tightly. “I want to go get something to clean us up,” he said after a moment’s pause. “Will you be ok?”

Matt thought about it for a moment, then nodded again. “Yeah.” He smiled. “I can hear your heart again.”

Bucky felt himself grow warm, and he pushed a kiss into Matt’s forehead. “I’ll be right back.” He walked quickly to the bathroom, wetting a towel, then filled a glass of water at the sink before returning to the bedroom and washing both of them gently. He pressed the water into Matt’s hands, and he drank it. “What do you want now?” Bucky asked. 

Matt shook his head. “Nothing,” he said after a moment’s pause.

Bucky kissed him again. “Please?”

Matt blinked at him from behind his dark eyelashes. “Hold me?” he asked tentatively.

“Of course.” Bucky slipped into bed next to him, pulling the covers tightly around them both. He wrapped his arms around Matt. “You ok?” he asked. “Comfortable?”

Matt snuggled deeper into his arms. “Mmhhmm…”

Bucky watched Matt’s eyes flutter shut. He focused on the rise and fall of Matt’s chest, watching it slow, as the man drifted gently off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Natalia give me strength
> 
> PRETTY PRETTY PRETTY PLEASE LEAVE ME COMMENTS AND KUDOS THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> I actually thought this story was starting to wrap up, and then a *thing* happened in the chapter I'm currently writing, and now it might be much, much longer. Oops. Comments and Kudos make me write faster <3


	6. But Then...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to HaniTrash, Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, and FajitaShowboat!

Bucky had always had nightmares, even when he was a kid. Those has been normal nightmares - the kind everyone had - monsters under the bed and not being able to speak and showing up for school in his underpants. Sometimes his mom would comfort him, but usually it was Becca. If he focused hard, he could almost remember how her cool hands felt on his face. 

Later, as he got older, he dreamt of different kinds of monsters: war and sickness and hunger. He would wake up drenched in sweat, clinging tighter to Stevie’s small frame than was probably safe. Steve had been his rock, whispering sweet words and running his delicate fingers through Bucky’s hair, soothing him as his heart tried to pound through his chest. 

When he was the Asset, the dreams had changed but they never disappeared. The monsters dissolved into unintelligible swirls of sound and noise surrounding him, overwhelming him, sinking in through his skin and freezing him to the bone until he couldn’t move. Nobody came to comfort him. 

After Steve had found him, his memories found their ways back to him in his dreams. He saw faces, bloody and broken, sometimes screaming at him, sometimes silent. Howard and Maria were there, presidents and dignitaries, nameless faces that he never even learned who they were. He would wake up screaming, fighting, with Steve’s unbelievably strong arms around him, holding him, keeping him safe from the new monster that haunted his dreams. The monster that wore his face. 

He had been afraid to sleep next to Matt. He’d avoided it at first, worried about what he might do to the man if a nightmare overtook him, choosing instead to sneak out of the room after Matt was asleep and lie down on the couch instead. Matt never asked; he never questioned him, but one night Bucky had been awoken by Matt’s perfect fingers gentle against his temples. 

“James. James wake up. I’m here. I’ve got you.”

He’d blinked his eyes open. He could feel that his heart rate was elevated. The dream had just started. He had known what was coming, was anticipating the memories he would re-live. 

And Matt had known. Matt had heard, in his sleep, from the other room, before the nightmare had even started. Matt had kept the monsters away. 

Bucky slept peacefully after that, his body pressed against Matt’s more nights than not. 

But tonight Matt’s hearing was muddled, his defenses were down, and the monsters were able to slip through. 

Bucky was cold. Every nerve in his body raw. It was pitch black, but he knew that somebody was there, just outside his sight. He could hear a low, scraping sound, like stone being pushed across stone, like a hole being dug, like a body being dragged across the ground. Bucky couldn’t move; his muscles were seemingly frozen as the form he couldn’t see crept closer. He could feel that it was there. It didn’t feel warm. He was sure of its presence. More sure of that than anything else. There was something in the darkness, it was evil, and it was coming for him. He struggled to move his arms and his legs, straining against invisible bonds that seemed to hold him all over. He gritted his teeth and with every ounce of strength he surged forward, breaking free of whatever was binding him, slamming the full weight of his body into the form in the darkness…

“JAMES!!”

Bucky opened his eyes and looked around frantically, eyes coming to rest on his own hand, wrapped around light skin flecked with dark hair. 

Matt used the moment of distraction to break free, forcing his hands up between Bucky’s arms, wrenching Bucky’s hand off of his throat. 

“Matt...” Bucky leapt off of him, panic rising. They were on the floor of Matt’s bedroom. Matt’s lip was swollen and cracked, and bruises were already forming at his temple and on his neck. “Oh my god. Matt. What did I… what happened?” Bucky backed away from him, scrambling over the bed to hide in the corner, eyes wide in horror, not wanting to make eye contact but unable to look away from the injuries Matt had sustained. 

The injuries he had inflicted. 

“It’s ok,” Matt said softly, moving towards Bucky slowly. He held one hand out in front of him as if approaching a frightened dog. “James. It’s ok. You’re ok. You were asleep. You didn’t mean…”

Bucky shook his head violently. “No. No please. I can’t! DON’T TOUCH ME!” He shouted as Matt got close to him. 

Matt pulled his hand back as if the frightened dog had tried to bite. “James, you need to calm down. You had a bad dream. That’s all. You’re safe now.”

“Me?!” Bucky choked back a laugh. It was harsh and unkind. “I’m safe? What about you?!? You’re the one with the bruises.”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine!”

Matt bit his lip and took a step closer to Bucky, stopping when Bucky flinched away from him. “I’m ok,” he repeated quietly. “It came on fast. You took me by surprise. But I was fighting you off when you woke up…”

“You shouldn’t have to fight me off in your sleep!”

“And you shouldn’t have to live with PTSD.” Matt’s voice was calm. He took another step forward, and this time Bucky didn’t flinch. “It’s ok,” Matt said, holding out his hand. “You didn’t hurt me.”

Bucky reached out and took Matt’s hand tentatively. Matt took a final step forward, removing the distance between them. He lifted Bucky’s hand to his mouth and brushed his lips across it. Bucky’s muscles tensed. 

Matt sighed. He cocked his head to the side, assessing the man in front of him. “Ok.” He gave Bucky’s hand a gentle squeeze and then released it. “Get dressed.”

“It’s not even 3 am.”

“Are you going back to sleep?” Matt asked. 

Bucky shook his head  _ no.  _

“Well, neither am I. And there’s something I’ve wanted to do for a long time now, so come on. Get dressed. Gym clothes.”

Bucky stood still for a moment longer, then started to pull on his clothes. 

Bucky knew where they were headed before they arrived. He recognized the Tribeca neighborhood, recognized the unassuming grey building. He’d never been inside, though. Even now, the shame of what he’d done before he and Matt had met washed over him. Bucky glanced up to the rooftop across the street. 

“I’m sure you remember...” Matt trailed off. 

Of course Bucky remembered. He’d followed Matt here plenty of times, although… “Oh!” Bucky gasped out loud.

Matt stopped and turned to face him, questioning. 

“You knew.” It wasn’t a question, but Matt nodded anyway. “Every time I was here, watching you, you knew.”

“I think so,” Matt replied quietly. “The last time… the night I was shot. You had removed your arm, and I didn’t know you were there until you spoke. So, if there were other times like that…”

Bucky shook his head. “It was a coincidence. I had no idea. I just… Shuri was doing upgrades so I left it in Wakanda. That was the only time.”

Matt started walking again, into the building. He held the door open for Bucky, who followed him in.

“So all of that...” Bucky continued, “everything I saw here was a show for my benefit?”

“I mean, yes and no,” Matt said, walking past the hanging bags and towards the lockers that lined the edges of the room. “I may have toned things down a bit.”

“Why haven’t you brought me here before?”

Matt paused for a moment, thinking. “I’ve thought about it a lot. I have. I’ve wanted to bring you here. This place… it means a lot to me, you know? My dad trained here. When I come here…” He shook his head.

“What?” Bucky asked after a moment, stepping forward and taking hold of Matt’s hand.

Matt smiled. “I come here a lot when I’m frustrated. It helps.” He opened one of the lockers and tossed Bucky a pair of gloves. “Here. These should fit.”

Bucky slipped them on. They fit perfectly, and he wondered how Matt had managed without him there to be measured or try them on. He started to lace the gloves up, but stopped when he noticed Matt doing the same with his own pair. “What exactly do you think is happening here?” he asked, as Matt walked over and stepped up into the ring. 

“You’re going to fight me.”

Bucky laughed. Then he stared at Matt, who was standing in the ring waiting for him, and he quickly grew serious. “No, I’m not.”

“James…”

“What? What, Matt?!?” Bucky could feel himself getting hot. “I’m upset that I hit you, so you bring me here to hit you some more?”

“I want you to see that I can defend myself. That it’s ok. That I’m not…”

“No!” Bucky interrupted him, quickly taking his gloves off and slamming them down on the bench. “Can’t you see this is the opposite of what I want? The opposite of what I need?!? Damn it, Matt, I could kill you.”

Matt stood there silently, backlit by the yellowish light that seeped in through the large tinted windows making up much of the front of the building. For just a moment, Bucky thought he looked like the devil he claimed was inside him. 

Bucky shook his head and quickly walked out of the building. 

***

Matt didn’t know where James went. All he knew was that, when he got back to his apartment, James wasn’t there. 

_ Fuck.  _

That did not go as planned. 

Matt could feel himself practically shaking, nervous energy building up inside of him. He needed to fight. He threw open the door to his coat closet and quickly dressed in his black suit, and headed up to his library. He paused briefly, noting the heartbeat on the roof, then smiled as he recognized the familiar sound. He pushed open the skylight. 

“Feel good to be back?” He asked Wade, who was leaning against the brick exterior of the building. 

“You are pretty amazing,” Wade said quietly, and Matt could feel him grinning under his mask. “How did you know?”

“I can hear those,” Matt gestured at the dual katanas crisscrossed on Deadpool’s back. “I can smell the gunpowder.” He pointed to the guns strapped to Deadpool’s thighs. “I can smell the spandex of your cheap suit.” He reached out and snapped the bottom edge of Deadpool’s face mask and then grinned at the reaction it earned him. “This is not Stark tech.”

“HEY! Hands off the merchandise, bub!” 

“Well that’s a first coming from you…” Matt walked towards the edge of the roof.

“Hey now,” Wade scrambled to follow. “You ok there? I thought you and Buckaroo made up, but then he went home in the middle of the night. What’s going on? Shouldn’t you be having wild angry make-up sex?”

“Are you spying on me?” Matt didn’t turn to face him.

“Absolutely not. I wouldn’t! I mean…” Wade paused. “Ok, you’re right I totally would, but I wasn’t this time. Clint came back to the apartment, said you two were probably going at it like rage-filled-bunnies and not to expect you around, and then Bucky came home and found me sleeping in his bed.”

“Why were you sleeping in James’s bed?”

“Because it’s better than sleeping on Clint’s floor?”

Matt paused. He had actually noticed that sometimes James’s bedroom smelled like Wade, but he hadn’t thought too much about it. It was a small apartment, and the whole place smelled like all of them. “But you can go home. Your contract is over. Why are you even still staying there?”

“I’m between places right now.”

“Wade…” Matt sighed and sat down on the edge of the rooftop, feet dangling. “You just made a ton of money from this Spider-Man gig. Did you blow it already?”

“What?” Wade smiled and sat down next to Matt. “No, muffin, it’s nothing like that. But you’re sweet for worrying. It’s just…”

Wade trailed off, and Matt listened to his heart rate rise slightly. Wade was anxious. “What’s up, pal?”

The two sat in silence for a moment.

“Come on,” Matt pushed. “I know you want to tell me. I’m not going to beg so you may as well just come out with it.”

“You always used to do that…” Wade said quietly. “How do you do that? How do you know exactly what people need to hear?”

Matt laughed. “I cheat,” he said with a grin. “I listen to your heartbeat and your breathing. People smell different based on what they’re feeling. They give off pheromones. A muscle twitching in a pinky finger can tell you so much.”

Wade picked up Matt’s hand and held it in his own. “You pay attention. And you care. You’re a good person.”

Matt allowed his hand to be held for a minute, before pulling it carefully away. “Tell me the thing. What’s going on with your apartment.”

“Oh. Well it seems in bad taste right now.”

“And that’s stopped you when?”

Wade snorted. “You got a point there, hornboy.” He took a deep breath, then continued. “It’s just that, Frank and Clint and I got to talkin’ one time, and we figured Buckybear would be moving in to your place sooner rather than later. And they thought maybe I wanted to stay on, take his room and all that. You know Clint. I’m sure he just wants to keep an eye on me. Keep me out of trouble and all that.”

“Oh. Well… I don’t know if that’s something James wants any time soon. Sorry.”

The two sat in silence for a few more minutes. Below, the city streets were quiet. The wind rustled through the trees. 

“Does Bucky appreciate you?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Matt answered after a moment’s pause.

“If you only think so, then he doesn’t appreciate you enough.” 

“That’s not fair. He…” Matt sighed. “He’s been through a lot. And I’m not what he’s used to. We’re figuring things out. Figuring each other out.”

“I never appreciated you.”

“Well that’s certainly true.”

Wade flinched. 

“I’m sorry, Wade. I shouldn’t have…”

“No, I deserved that.”

“We weren’t even really together. You didn’t owe me anything.”

“Still. I shouldn’t have used you like that.”

Matt frowned. “Was that all it was? I always wondered if…”

“If I was only using you to get to her?”

Matt nodded. 

“Absolutely not. Things… I get… I got confused. Sometimes my brain… I don’t want to make excuses, DD, but you can only get your head cut off so many times before it starts to mess with you, you know?”

Matt couldn’t help but laugh. “No, I don’t know. But I’ll believe you.”

“You were amazing. You were so good to me. It was too much. I couldn’t believe that I deserved something like that, and something in my brain just flipped. I had to destroy it. I couldn’t believe that it was real.”

“So you tried to sleep with Elektra.”

“So I tried to sleep with Elektra.”

“And she shot you down.”

“And she shot me down.”

“Because of course she would.”

Wade nodded.

“But then…”

“But then.”

“You had to tell me why. Because it wasn’t possible that she just didn’t want to sleep with you. There had to be a reason.”

“Please...” 

“And of course you had to tell me the reason.”

“Stop…”

“Because you knew it would hurt me most...”

“I’m sorry.”

“...to know that she was also with Frank.” 

Wade was silent.

“Because that’s what you wanted, right? To hurt me? To see how much I could take?”

Matt could taste the salt of the tear running down Wade’s cheek.

“I guess I failed your test. I can’t take as much as you can.” Matt stood up and started to walk away.

“Wait.” Wade lifted his head. “DD, wait. That’s not…” he stood up and walked quickly after Matt, grabbing his hand. “Is that what you think? That it was about testing you? About me thinking you weren’t good enough?”

“Well wasn’t it?”

“Jesus, babe,” Wade turned the blind man around to face him. “Of course not. Of course you can’t  _ take  _ as much as me. Nobody can. Why would you even think that? I’m an idiot and I’m cruel but I’m not…” He pulled off his mask and scratched his head. “I wasn’t good enough for you. I knew that. And I thought, maybe, if I could have her… someone you wanted… that would mean I wasn’t quite so far beneath you. And then when I found out that she was with him… It wasn’t good. It wasn’t right. But I thought maybe, just maybe, if I could bring you down a peg, maybe you’d want to stay with me.”

The two men stood in silence.

“Hey DD,” Wade said hesitantly.

“Yeah, man?”

“What’s the difference between your ex-boyfriend and a condom?”

Matt turned towards him. “What?” he asked, confused.

“Condoms have evolved. They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.”

Matt shook his head, unable to fully fight back the laugh he was trying desperately to restrain. 

“Damn it Wade,” he said smiling fondly. “What is wrong with you?”

“So many things. So, so, so many things. Come on,” he said, clapping the blind man on the back. “Let’s go find some baddy to beat on. That should cheer you up."

Matt grunted. 

“Oh and DD?” 

“Hmm?”

“I don’t like this.” He gestured at Matt’s all black suit. “Bring back the red. It makes me feel like we’re a team.”

Wade winked at the sky. 

  
  


***

_ Wade was right.  _ Matt hated to admit it, but Wade was usually right in his upsetting, vulgar way. They had thwarted a mugging in progress, and then stopped a gun shipment from being delivered to Turk (Matt made a mental note to talk to Misty about that one), and he was feeling a lot better. He still wished he knew how to talk to James about the party. He also wished he knew what James had been saying to him earlier that evening. But he couldn’t bring himself to be too upset about either of them. Now, as he felt the chill of the morning right before the sun began to peak above the horizon, his body exhausted, his knuckles bloody, his adrenaline spent, Matt felt calm. The man to his left was familiar and comforting. They had fought, backs pressed together, like a single unit, perfectly in sync. Matt knew everything about how this man felt. How he smelled. How he sounded...

Ok, maybe not how he sounded. Matt snapped out of his reverie. Right now, Wade was singing. Loudly.

“WHY MEN GREAT TIL THEY GOTTA BE GREAT?!?”

“Wade?”

“I JUST TOOK A DNA TEST TURNS OUT I’M 100% THAT BITCH…”

“Wade…”

“...EVEN WHEN I’M CRYING CRAZY.”

“Jesus, Wade, take it down a notch.”

“YEAH I GOT BOY PROBLEMS THAT’S THE HUMAN IN ME.”

“It’s gotta be, what? 6:30? Maybe later?”

“BLING BLING THEN I SOLVE THEM THAT’S THE GODDESS IN ME.”

“What I’m saying is, people are awake. Somebody is going to call the cops on you.”

“COULDA HAD A BAD BITCH, NON COMMITTAL!”

Matt heard the wire bounce against Wade’s chest. He reached out and stopped the man with his hand, then yanked on the wire, pulling the small buds out of Wade’s ears. 

“How long have you been wearing these?” he asked, holding the earbuds up in front of Wade.

“What?” Wade asked back. “I like to fight to a soundtrack.”

“They weren’t on. I would have heard them if they were on. They’re not…” Matt pulled gently until the entire wire was in his hands. “...even attached to anything,” he finished. 

“The soundtrack is in my head,” Wade said with a knowing smirk. “It saves so much money on buying the rights to things.”

“Then what are the headphones for?!?!”

“Style.”

Matt barked out a laugh, a smile splitting his face. “You are ridiculous.”

“You love it!” Wade teased. 

“You know I d…” Matt bit his lip hard, cutting himself off. “Come on.” He turned and headed down a narrow alley. It was early November and stayed dark late, but he knew the city was very much awake. They needed to get off the streets. 

The two men climbed a fire escape in silence. Finally, once they were safe on the rooftops, Wade spoke. His regular casual demeanor was forced; Matt’s near slip had not gone unnoticed. “What are you doing today?”

“I’ll probably try to take a nap, then maybe head in to work.”

“Work?!?” Wade exclaimed. “Dude! It’s Saturday.”

“Yeah, but I missed over half a day yesterday.”

“Because you almost got blown up.”

“That doesn’t mean my clients need any less help.”

Wade shook his head. “Always gotta be everyone’s savior…”

Matt shrugged. “What are you doing today.”

“Oh. I have big plans. Lots of deadly violence and murder with Clint and Frank.”

Matt stopped dead in his tracks.

“Video games,” Wade clarified. “You should come!” The two started walking again.

“Video games aren’t really my forte,” Matt said, waving a hand in front of his face.

“Yeah, but you could keep Grumpy Cat company.”

Matt sighed, and the two men jumped to Matt’s rooftop. 

“Now what?” Wade asked, as they approached Matt’s skylight.

“Now you go home and I try and get some rest.”

“You got it boss.” Matt felt him wink under his mask. ”Maximum Effort,” Wade muttered, and then backflipped off the roof of Matt’s building.

“Idiot.” Matt allowed himself to smile, then listened for a moment and determined there was nobody on the roof. There was, however, someone in his apartment. Matt’s smile dropped. He slipped down into his library, stripped out of his suit, then headed downstairs and straight to the fridge in his boxer briefs. “You want one?” he asked Bucky, pulling two beers out of the fridge.

“There’s no sneaking up on you, is there?” Bucky’s voice sounded fond and apologetic. He stood and walked over to Matt, taking the beers out of his hand and putting them back in the fridge. “Kinda early for that, isn’t it?”

“Depends on the kind of day you’re having,” Matt said with a shrug.

Bucky slowly ran his thumb over Matt’s temple, where a fresh bruise was starting to form. He let his hand drift down Matt’s neck, then trace back and forth across his collarbone before continuing down his side. Matt took a step closer as Bucky’s hand moved to his back, coming to rest on a bright red welt where, not 30 minutes earlier, Matt had been hit hard with a pair of brass knuckles. Bucky’s fingertips rested gently for a moment, then dug into the tender flesh. 

Matt groaned. 

“You wanted me to fight you. Why? Why do you want me to hurt you, baby?” Bucky’s fingers became soft again, tracing circles across Matt’s back.

Matt leaned into the sensation. “I don’t want you to hurt me…” he whimpered as Bucky’s fingers once again found the sensitive area and pressed down. 

“Tell me what you want, then.” Bucky’s voice was low and soft, gentle and menacing at the same time. “Because I know what it feels like you want.” He fisted his vibranium hand into Matt’s hair and pulled back roughly, exposing Matt’s neck. He licked a stripe from collarbone to ear, then bit down on Matt’s shoulder. 

“Ahh…”

“I can give you this, if this is what you need from me. Is this what you want?” Bucky pulled Matt’s head back even farther. 

“Yes!” Matt gasped, tears springing to his eyes. “I mean no. Damn it, James!” 

“Well which is it, baby? Tell me what you want me to do to you. Help me understand, so I can make you happy.”

_ I don’t want you to do anything to me,  _ Matt thought, his mouth apparently unable or unwilling to help him out of this particular situation.  _ I want to do it together. Want to be equal. Want to show you I can take whatever you have to give. I can give whatever you want to take. I want to prove I’m good enough for you. _

He didn’t say this, of course. He couldn’t. He knew he wasn’t good enough for James. The man was a super-soldier, for Christ's sake. Who was he? Just some blind guy dressing up and playing hero in the night. 

“Baby?”

“I just want to sleep,” Matt finally gasped out.

Bucky released him and took a step back, surprised. “Oh.”

“Yesterday was a long day.” Matt could feel the walls going up. “And then neither of us slept well.”

“And then you went out.”

Matt nodded. “Had to get some energy out. I just… I just think maybe we should sleep. Or, at least I should.”

Bucky nodded, eyes downcast. “Sure, yeah. Can I… can I come back later?”

Matt heard the hurt in his voice. How could he not? “Of course,” he said, ignoring it. “I just think we’ll both be able to talk about this better if we’ve had some sleep.”

“Ok. I’ll…” Bucky hesitated, turning towards the door. He looked back at Matt, then walked down the narrow hallway and exited Matt’s apartment.

Matt retrieved one of his beers from the fridge, then slumped down into his broken leather couch. 

Bucky walked down the stairs and out onto the street. The air was cold, the just-rising sun doing little to warm it. He stared up at Matt’s building, eyes focusing on the drab, multicolored windows that made up much of Matt’s living room wall.  _ How had things gone so wrong.  _

“You embarrassed him at the party,” the voice answered his thoughts. 

Bucky turned quickly, and saw Wade step out of the shadows between two buildings. He was wearing his Deadpool suit, but had removed the mask. Even after months of sharing an apartment, the man’s mutilated face was always a bit of a surprise to Bucky. Still, despite his red and pocked appearance, Bucky could tell by the strong jawline that this had once been an attractive man. “You spying on us?”

“Nope. Just happened to be in the neighborhood. But really it’s more than just embarrassment,” Wade continued. “That he could get over. Matty’s able to forgive just about anything.” 

Bucky shivered, both at the use of the nickname and at the memory of asking Matt to forgive him on more than one occasion. The response had been the same each time.  _ Always. _

“He’s going to give you the benefit of the doubt. He gives everyone the benefit of the doubt. Everyone is worth saving… except himself.” Wade paused. He looked around, seemingly considering his surroundings. “Come on. He’s probably not listening, but you never know. Let me buy you a coffee or something.” He began to walk, and Bucky followed.

“Umm… I’m sorry sir but you can’t bring those in here…” the young barista’s voice cracked as Wade walked pushed the Starbuck’s door open. A sign was taped to the door:  _ This is a place of peace. No weapons allowed on the premises.  _

“Ah, leave him alone, Greg,” a young woman said, walking out from the back room. “What’s he gonna do, leave his guns outside? Plus he always leaves a big tip. How’s it goin’ DP?” She walked around the front of the counter and stood on tiptoes to give Wade a hug, her head barely coming up to his shoulder. “You are going to leave a big tip, right?”

“Nice to see you too, Doreen,” Wade patted the short woman on her head. “I’m sure Buckybear will leave a great tip.”

“Hey!” Bucky snapped to attention, hearing his name. “You said you were buying!”

“That’s just an expression, pussycat. I don’t have any pockets in this thing.”

“What do you call those, then?” Bucky pointed at the brown belt, covered in small pouches, around Wade’s waist.

“Condom storage.”

Bucky glared at him, but ordered and paid for the drinks, and the two sat down at a table in the back. 

“You were out with him this morning,” Bucky spoke first.

Wade nodded. 

Bucky thought for a moment, then sighed. “I can’t even be mad. That feels like a thing I should be mad about, but I’m not. I’m just glad he has somebody to talk to.”

“Well we didn’t do much talking. Jesus, not like that!” Wade immediately felt Bucky stiffen across from him. “What I mean is, our boy needed a good fight. That’s all.”

“He took me to his boxing gym early this morning,” Bucky said, relaxing slightly. "We couldn't sleep."

“Oh wow.” Wade looked impressed as he took a sip of his coffee. “That’s a big deal. We were together… I mean, we were never really together. Not officially. But we were… well, we were something for almost three years and he never took me to meet his dad.”

“To meet his…? What?”

“Jeeze, I thought the other super-soldier was supposed to be the dumb one. What, does that serum kill brain cells?”

Bucky shook his head, lost.

“That place, it’s all Matt has left of his dad. It’s sacred to him, like a church. And you know how he feels about church. He goes there to talk to his dad. To be with him. It couldn’t have been easy letting you in there.”

“Oh god.” Realization washed over Bucky.

“Anyway, I’m surprised he still needed to fight, after going one-on-one with you.”

“We didn’t… I wouldn’t…”

This time, it was Wade who glared at Bucky. “You didn’t fight him?”

Bucky shook his head, no.

“Fuck. No wonder he was all worked up. What the hell, man? You tryin’ to hurt him? I thought… I really thought you cared about him. Jesus Christ and here I am trying to help…”

“What? No!” Bucky shouted, and the woman at the counter - Doreen, Wade had called her - turned to stare. Bucky lowered his voice. “I didn’t want to hurt him. Physically, I mean. I thought, if we fought... I was worried I might hurt him.”

Wade regarded him for a moment. “He thinks he’s not good enough for you.”

Bucky laughed unkindly, and once again his eyes caught Doreen’s. They were soft and brown and sad. Bucky wondered if he knew her from somewhere. “I’m not good enough for him,” he finally replied somberly. 

“Because the good Captain left you?”

Bucky bit the inside of his cheek.

“You ever wonder why Matt’s always comparing himself to Steve?”

Bucky’s shoulders sagged.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Wade stood up. “Figure out your shit, Barnes. Stay fluffy!” he shouted at Doreen. She grinned and waved at him in return as he exited the shop, leaving Bucky alone at the table.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO MUCH IS HAPPENING IN THIS CHAPTER!!!! Please leave me your kudos and comments. Are we all on the same page? 
> 
> First off, I guess I’m playing with timelines a bit here and it might not make sense if you think about it too hard. In the comics, Deadpool absolutely tries to sleep with Elektra, and she rejects him because 1. She’s way too fancy for that, and 2. She’s with the Punisher (because god forbid Elektra be given enough agency to just say no and not need any other reason). But if we’re fitting this into the Netflix timeline… Season 2 takes place almost immediately after the end of Season 1, with just enough time for new gangs to start fighting to figure out who should fill the void left by Fisk. Although it’s not made perfectly clear, I would guess that Season 1 takes place after The Avengers, but before Age of Ultron. (The battle of New York is referenced, but Foggy makes a joke to Karen about how she should be nicer to machines - specifically the fax machine - “before machines try to take over the world.” This would probably be in poor taste in a post-Ultron reality.) And in this story, Matt says he was with Wade before he even knew Bucky existed, so that tracks.
> 
> So… if Matt was with Wade at a time when Frank could be with Elektra, and 1. Matt would know who Frank was, and 2. Elektra would be alive, then that would mean that he was sleeping with Wade at the same point in Season 2 where he was dating Karen and also seeing Elektra. Yikes. I know you're a player, Matt. But take it down just a notch.
> 
> OR, to make things slightly less scandalous, let’s just say that Elektra came back to life after she died on that rooftop because The Hand.
> 
> Even better yet, just don’t think about it too hard. 
> 
> But also: SHOUT OUT TO DOREEN GREEN, AKA SQUIRREL GIRL!!!!!!!! Does she play a role in this story? Probably not. Do I love her? YES I DO! 
> 
> Me citing my sources:


	7. A Personal Connection

Matt was dreaming. In his dream, he was standing in a large, dome shaped room. It was open on one side, and must have been sitting on a cliff because, outside the opening, there was nothing - just a wide open space that seemed to go on forever. And yet, standing there, alone, Matt could hear everything. 

Everything.

Across the continents of Earth, he could hear people moving, living, going about their daily lives. He could hear them talking to each other, to themselves, offering up prayers in every language. Prayers he somehow knew would go unanswered. 

And there were other voices, too. Voices and sounds in places that he did not know. Places that were made of ice and fire and darkness. Matt wasn’t sure how he could hear the darkness, but he could. The darkness was louder than anything he had ever heard before.

He could hear stars going supernova, and sharks feeding, and a butterfly opening its wings for the first time. And screams. He could hear so many screams.

In his dream, and Matt knew he was dreaming, he held a sword. It was large - almost as tall as he was. He held it, point resting on the ground, rune engraved hilt in his hand. He was guarding his post. Despite the screams, he knew he must not leave the dome shaped room that opened to nothingness and everything at the same time. 

Behind it all, he heard the constant, steady thumping of Bucky’s enhanced heartbeat.

Matt sat up with a start. He was in his own apartment, on his own broken couch, hearing his own city around him. He took a deep breath, calming himself, then paused.

The heartbeat was still there.

And it wasn’t Bucky’s.

“You back with me?” 

“How did you get in here?”

“I have my ways. You’re not keeping up your end of the bargain.” Steve handed Matt a cup of coffee.

“What time is it?” Matt asked, taking a sip gratefully. It was a little sweeter than he preferred, but nowhere near as sweet as he knew James liked it. He wondered briefly if this was a super-soldier thing, or a having been born in the 20s thing. 

“Almost eleven. You seemed like you needed the rest.” Steve sat down across from Matt on one of the two chairs facing the sofa. “Want to tell me what’s happening, son?”

Matt slumped back into the sofa. He took another sip of the coffee, thankful to have something to do with his mouth other than admit his failures to Captain America.

“It’s not all your fault. I know that. Bucky, he…” Steve sighed. “I messed Buck up bad when I left. I regret it every day. Worst decision I’ve ever made. If I could go back and change things...”

Matt tensed at this revelation. _If he could go back and change things..._ _Couldn’t he? The Avengers had a time machine. James had told him as much. _

“But you need to let him in,” Steve continued. “Tell him what’s bothering you. Give him the chance to fix it, to do right by you.”

_ Would James even want to fix things, if he knew being back with Steve Rogers was an option? _

“I tried…” Matt said sullenly.   
  
“Try again.” 

His voice was hard and commanding, and Matt shivered. No wonder so many had followed this man into battle. “Yes, sir,” he said meekly. 

Matt felt Steve Rogers rise, then walk briskly out of the apartment. 

He didn’t go to work that day after all, and Matt was in his library engrossed in some documents when he heard Bucky’s knock. He paused momentarily. He’d never bothered getting dressed, and was still in his boxers from when he’d gotten home early that morning. When James had been there and had wanted to… When Matt had sent him away. Matt shook his head, clearing the memory. Quickly, he ran down the stairs and into his room, and threw on a t-shirt and sweatpants before opening the door.

“Am I bothering you?” Bucky asked quietly. He smelled like flowers.

“No. I was… I wasn’t dressed,” Matt admitted, Captain America’s voice still ringing in his head.  _ You need to let him in.  _ “Didn’t want you to think I’d spent the whole morning moping around in my underwear.”

Bucky couldn’t help but smile. “Did you?”

“Maybe a little.” Matt didn’t mention his visitor. “I was trying to work. Practicing my opening statements for next week.”

“In your underwear?”

Matt shrugged. He tried to sound casual. “That’s a thing, right? Imagine yourself in your underwear to stay calm during a speech?” 

“I think that’s backwards,” Bucky said with a laugh. “You’re supposed to imagine everyone else in their underwear.” 

“What difference could that possibly make to me?” Matt was laughing too. Just being around James lifted his spirits, even if he was still frustrated about what happened at the gym. 

“Here,” Bucky said. “Give me your hands.” 

Matt held them out, and Bucky handed him a bouquet of roses, jasmine, and lavender.

“The florist told me I was crazy. Said they wouldn’t look good together.”

“They smell amazing,” Matt breathed in deeply. He moved into the kitchen and found a jar, filling it with water and placing the flowers into it. 

“Matty, I’m so sorry” Bucky said softly.

“I’m sorry, James,” Matt said at the same time. 

The two smiled at each other, at Bucky held out his arms. Matt stepped between them, and Bucky embraced him tightly. “I’ve been thinking about how I could make it up to you,” Bucky said, nuzzling against Matt’s ear. 

“You don’t need to make anything up to me,” Matt replied, hands in Bucky’s hair, working it out of its loose bun. 

“I know.” Bucky nipped at Matt’s ear. “Will you let me anyway?”

Matt groaned and pressed himself into Bucky’s thigh, letting the other man feel how quickly his body was reacting to the attention. “Maybe I need to make it up to you. This morning, I turned you down. I don’t want you thinking…”

“I don’t think. Didn’t I make that clear this morning? I was just trying to… Doesn’t matter what I was trying to do, does it? I got it all wrong, regardless. Besides, everyone knows you’re the brains of this relationship, baby,” Bucky pressed himself back into Matt. “Although you might lose that title if you keep putting on clothes before letting me in.” He yanked Matt’s shirt off in one fluid motion. 

“Yeah, because you usually knock,” Matt’s hands were on Bucky’s pants, hands flicking over the buttons and pushing them down around his ankles. Bucky stepped out of them. “I should be thankful you didn’t break the door again. Gonna get me kicked out of here… Besides,” he paused for a moment, considering his words. “You didn’t get it wrong this morning. I… James, you know I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like that.” 

“Like what, babe? Tell me. Please. I need to understand. You’re so good at reading me, and I just want to give you what you want. What you need. Anything.”

“I…” he swallowed the fear. He tried to hear Captain America again. The command:  _ You need to let him in.  _ He tried to make it drown out the other voice. The one that was always there, telling him that he wasn’t good enough. The voice telling him that this was the devil in him talking. The voice telling him that this darkness was exactly what had scared away Karen. And Heather, and Samuel, and Kirsten, and Claire.  _ You need to let him in. “ _ The roughness,” he finally said. “I’ve always liked it that way. But with you...I feel like you’re holding back sometimes. And I want you to know that I’m not going to break. I like to feel it. Feel the pain. I want all of you. It…” Matt paused and licked his lips, afraid to continue.

“It reminds you that you’re alive, when you probably shouldn’t be?” Bucky asked, teeth digging into Matt’s neck. 

Matt gasped and pushed himself into Bucky. “Pain is what keeps us going,” he muttered under his breath.

Bucky pulled back slightly, eyeing Matt suspiciously. “We can deal with that little idiom later, but I get it. I do.” He peeled off his own shirt while Matt kicked off his pants. “Matty,” he whispered, while running a line of kisses and bites down Matt’s chest. 

“Mmm?” 

“Baby, I love you, but you stink.”

Matt choked out a cough as the words sunk in. Yeah, James had said as much before, but usually only after sex, and the casual way it just rolled off his tongue… 

“Have you even taken a shower since the courthouse?”

Matt shook his head. “I have not.”

“Ugh!” Bucky grunted his disapproval, and then scooped Matt up into his arms, ignoring his cries of protest, and walked with him into the bathroom. “What would you do without me here to take care of you, baby?”

“Stink, apparently.” Matt grinned into Bucky’s shoulder, and then bit down on it gently. 

Bucky plopped him down unceremoniously on the bathroom counter. “You need a bigger shower,” he said, not for the first time. He turned on the water. “Not sure we both fit.”

“I have confidence you’ll figure something out.” Matt slipped off his boxers and wiggled his ass provocatively as he walked past Bucky and stepped into the shower. 

Bucky grinned, then took off his own boxers and leaned back against the counter.

“You coming?”

“Nope,” Bucky said, watching the water pour over Matt’s muscled frame. “I’m figuring something out. Here’s what I’m figuring. You’re going to put on a show for me.”

“Oh, am I?”

“Yeah.” He began to stroke himself, absentmindedly. “You can say no anytime you want. Tell me to stop. But I’m beginning to think you like me telling you what to do. So first, you’re going to get yourself nice and clean, and then you’re going to show me how you want me to touch you.”

“Oh.” Matt felt himself blush, but he did as he was told. He scrubbed away at the layer of grime that covered him, until his skin began to feel warm under his own hands. He listened to Bucky’s breath and heartbeat, letting that guide him, spending more time on his abs and chest. When he reached up and tweaked one of his nipples, Bucky let out a small gasp. “Touch yourself, baby,” he whispered, and Matt could hear him begin to work himself more urgently. 

Matt complied, but carefully. He was already hard, and he didn’t want to come now. He wanted to save that for James. He wrapped a hand around his cock and began to stroke slowly. He felt the air ripple and reached out his other hand to catch the small bottle that Bucky had tossed at him. 

“Open yourself up for me,” Bucky commanded, his voice sounding wrecked. 

Matt shut off the water, which was getting cold, and rested his arm on the shower wall, his back turned to Bucky. He lubed up his fingers, then leaned forward, sinking two fingers deep into himself without warning. The stretch burned and tears leaked from Matt’s eyes.

“Fuck!”

Matt heard Bucky’s pulse spike, felt the man’s muscles tense, smelled the scent of him as he came. “James…” he pleaded, working his fingers into himself. 

Bucky was behind him in an instant, taking Matt’s hand and quickly drying him with a soft towel. “Get into the bedroom,” he growled, hand on Matt’s back, guiding him quickly through the apartment before pushing him face down onto the bed.

Matt groaned and squirmed against the bed, desperate to feel the friction against his cock. 

“Stop.” Bucky’s voice was demanding, and Matt froze. “Jesus, you’re so good. Why are you so good for me?” The praise came out as almost a threat. “Just feel what you do to me, baby. I just came and I’m already so hard for you.” Bucky wrapped an arm under Matt’s chest and lifted him up to his hands and knees. He pressed his hips up against Matt’s ass, and Matt pushed back, feeling Bucky hot and heavy against him. “You were supposed to go slow, get yourself ready for me.” Matt heard the bottle of lube open again; heard Bucky pour more of it out. He flinched in surprise as Bucky drizzled the lube over him, running messily down his back and ass. “Now I gotta do that myself, don’t I, baby. Or should I just take you like this? Tight and unprepared.”

Matt was breathing so hard he couldn’t speak. He felt Bucky line himself up, teasing his tight rim with his cock. Matt breathed out sharply and pushed himself back.

Bucky gasped as he felt Matt slide around him, the head of his cock disappearing into Matt’s hole. “Damn it, Matt. I didn’t mean… FUCK!” He thrust the rest of the way in in one motion.

Matt’s arms gave out and he collapsed face forward onto the bed, ass still in the air, Bucky’s arm around his waist holding him up. Bucky drove into him hard, chasing his own pleasure, as Matt squirmed to try to press back up onto his hands. 

“No,” Bucky growled. “Stay down.”

Matt went boneless beneath him. 

“Fuck,” Bucky muttered, and Matt heard his heart rate begin to pick up again. His thrusts became less rhythmic as he slid almost completely out of Matt, only to drive back into him again. “Is this what you want?” he grunted out. 

Matt whimpered in reply. 

“I need you to use your words, baby.” Bucky slammed into him again. “I need to hear you say it.”

“Mgff!” Matt’s reply was muffled by the mattress that his face was pressed into. 

“You’re gonna have to do better than that!” Bucky snapped his hips, punctuating his words. 

“Fuck, James. Yes!” Matt shouted, pushing himself up enough to speak, only to have Bucky push him back down again. 

Bucky wrapped a vibranium hand around Matt’s cock, and it only took three quick strokes before Matt was coming hard, crying into the mattress. Bucky picked up his speed, fucking angrily into Matt, fingers digging bruises into his hips, until he was coming too - hot and angry and filling the man in front of him. He pulled out quickly, and Matt collapsed without the support. Bucky could see the tears in his sightless eyes. 

“Can I be gentle with you now?” Bucky whispered. “Please.”

Matt nodded and whimpered. Bucky rolled him onto his side and, ignoring the mess, snuggled up behind him and pulled the covers up over both of them. “We’re still going to need to talk about this,” he said quietly. 

“Yeah,” Matt agreed, barely choking out the words. “But not right now, ok?”

“Mmmm,” Bucky agreed, nuzzling the back of Matt’s head with his chin. 

  
  


***

Bucky stared through the binoculars at the petite, dark haired woman in the building across from them. She was reclined on her couch, reading a book. “Ok… Break it down for me, Hawkeye. What am I looking at here?”

“That’s Madame Masque,” Kate answered. “She’s bad.”

“She’s reading a book?”

Kate nodded.

“Her room seems normal. She’s not doing anything right now. Is this a stake-out? What are we looking for.”

“Yeah, it’s a stake-out. She’s up to something.”

“Kate…” Bucky sighed and tried not to roll his eyes. He and Matt hadn’t had time to talk before Kate interrupted. Her text said it was an emergency. That he had to come now. Matt was waiting at his apartment so the two could go out for dinner. “I’m not really prepared for a stake-out, you know? You told me you wanted me to come look at something so I did, but I… Wasn’t Clint working with you on this?”

“Clint is The Worst on stake-outs.” Kate plopped down on the roof next to Bucky.

“Well you’re not wrong about that… Ok. Tell me what I need to know about Masque.”

“Well,” Kate took a deep breath, “She’s got lots of money - daughter of an actual real life count: Count Nefaria?”

Bucky nodded. “I’ve heard of him. She dated Tony for a while, right? I remember hearin’ something about that.”

“Dated isn’t really the right word. But she was interested, for sure. Gave up on him and started messing around with some SHIELD agent who wasn’t on the up-and-up. This was all before Captain Rogers found you, of course.”

Bucky settled onto his elbows, trying to get a better look into the hotel room across the street. Their rooftop vantage point wasn’t great. If he would have known what this was, he could have gotten them inside of this building. Why was Clint leaving Kate all alone on this? It didn’t make sense…

“Anyway, she’s real into cloning and Life-Model-Decoys. It’s all the rage with old white dudes on the West Coast. Get a new cloned body of yourself; stay young forever, blah blah blah. Self indulgent assholes.”

Bucky pulled away from the binoculars and shoot Kate a glance. “This personal for you?”

“Fuck yeah it is!” Kate wrinkled her nose at him. “She cloned my dad. Gave him some creepy-ass super-powers, too. Plus she stole my face one time. Walked around as me. Made out with a whole bunch of people I know. It was gross!”

He appraised Kate for a moment. A personal connection to the target wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it could cloud judgements. He’d need to watch her. Make sure she wasn’t taking unnecessary risks. He shook his head again. Clint should have briefed him on all of this. He returned to the binoculars.

Masque was gone. 

Bucky scanned the hotel room, or at least what he could see of it. Nothing.  _ Fuck. If they were inside the building instead of on the roof… _

He relaxed momentarily when Masque stepped back in front of the window, then his entire body stiffened. 

“Shit, Bucky!” Kate yelped.

Bucky looked at the crushed binoculars in his hand; he was moving before the words were even out of his mouth. “We gotta get in there.”

“Why? What happened? Bucky?!?”

He was already gone, moving much faster than Kate could keep up with, climbing down the fire escape and running across the street. A car horn blared out and Bucky slid over the hood, never slowing down. He didn’t pause when the doorman called out for him to stop, ran up the stairs, taking them three at a time. They’d been on the top floor. Bucky made a mental image of the hotel in his head. You’d need a code to access the floor. Or, someone else would have… He slammed his left shoulder into the metal door, and it flew open. Bucky burst into the penthouse. 

It was empty. 

_ Fuck. _

Bucky inspected the rooms. They had left quickly. Masque’s book was lying open on the sofa. She must have seen him coming. Which means they knew he knew. Which means he’d already blown the element of surprise.

_ Fuck! _

A personal connection to the target wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it could cloud judgements.

This was personal for Bucky.

He was already headed back down the stairs when his phone rang. “Yeah?” he answered.

“What the hell was that?” Kate demanded.

“The SHIELD Agent that Masque took off with. You ever catch his name?”

“Ummm… yeah. It was something dumb. Jenkins? Chester?”

“Jasper.” Bucky said flatly. “Jasper Sitwell.”

“Yeah! That’s it. Why? You know the guy?”

Bucky swallowed hard. “Yeah. I know him. I killed him.”

“Oh. So… what happened?”

“You said Masque makes clones?”

“Yeah?”

“Well it looks like she brought him back.”

***

Bucky slammed the door to the apartment open. “How much of this did you know?” He pointed an accusatory finger into Clint’s face. 

Clint looked at him wide eyed, a piece of pizza hanging from his mouth. He took a bite, chewed carefully, then spoke. “Ok, so I understand that I’m a world class spy and all, but let’s pretend for just a minute that I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Masque.”

“Oh.” Clint frowned. “Katie, I told you not to get him involved.”

“Don’t call me Katie!” Kate peaked out nervously from behind Bucky. “And I wouldn’t have had to if you’d been taking me seriously. She’s clearly up to something!”

“I was taking you seriously!” Clint sighed. “Bucky, they weren’t doing anything. We couldn’t have done more than we did. I’m keeping an eye on them…” He took another bite of pizza, and fed a slice to Lucky who was begging at his feet.

“Haven’t done anything?” Bucky was furious. “What do you mean they haven’t done anything? Bringing Sitwell back is something, Clint! As far as I’m aware, cloning is very much against the law!”

Clint froze, mid chew. “Sitwell?” he said with an open mouth. “I didn’t… we saw Masque with Rollins. They were having dinner. That’s all I…”

“I told you she was up to something, Clint!” Kate shouted at him.

Clint shoved the rest of his pizza into his mouth at once.

“Fuck!” Bucky shouted, then he dropped to sit on the couch next to Clint. He grabbed a piece of pizza and started to eat. “I fucked up. I lost my cool when I saw him and totally blew my cover. They saw me coming. They know I know. I’m no good anymore. We’ll have to figure some other way to find out what they’re up to.”

“I could look into it.”

Bucky’s head jerked up. He’d been so angry, he hadn’t even noticed Matt sitting at the kitchen counter, his fingers resting carefully on the book in front of him. He didn’t turn to face them when he spoke.

“No reason they’d know me. No reason to connect Daredevil with any of you.”

“It could work.”

“Absolutely not.”

Clint and Bucky spoke at the same time. 

“And why not?” Matt still faced away from them. His voice was smooth and sickly sweet.  _ Lawyer Voice,  _ Wade had called it. “I’m going to need you to break it down for me, James. Tell me exactly why this is a bad idea.”

“You don’t know these people, Matt.”

“And isn’t that exactly the point? I don’t know them. They don’t know me.”

“You don’t know what they’re capable of.” Bucky tried to keep the panic out of his voice.

“I think I do, though.” Matt finally turned on his stool, bringing his face to meet the rest of the room. His expression was perfectly neutral. “Which particular thing that they’re capable of concerns you most, James? Is it that, Jasper Sitwell, under the direction of Alexander Pierce, and STRIKE force, of which Jack Rollins was a member, successfully stole an Asgardian artifact containing an infinity stone right out from under the noses of the Avengers? Or, is it the fact that the same team, who were in fact Agents of Hydra, was integral in the near completion of Project Insight? Is it the fact that, when he was discovered as an Agent of Hydra, that same team turned on Sitwell, using their most deadly weapon to assassinate him? Is it a particular crime that they committed that you’re concerned with? Treason? Espionage? Murder? Rape? I’m not an idiot, James. There’s a lot you can get from court documents, even if they’re heavily redacted.”

Clint and Kate gaped at him. A wounded noise escaped Bucky’s lips.

“I’m not trying to be cruel. I’m trying to make a point. You underestimate me. So will they.” 

“There’s more to it than court documents can show…” Bucky said quietly. 

“Then explain it to me. Clint, Kate,” Matt turned to face them, “would you excuse us?”

“I mean it’s our apartment but whatever,” Clint muttered under his breath.

“Shut up, idiot,” Kate replied, slapping him in the back of his head and pushing him out the door.

The two men sat without speaking. Matt listened to Bucky’s heartbeat, gauging how long it would be until he broke the silence.  _ Not long… _

“Court documents don’t tell you everything.”

Matt walked over and sat next to him on the couch. “I get that. But you said yourself, you can’t go after them. You’re compromised. Right?”

“Yeah.”

“And Clint? Is he compromised as well?”

“Probably. He’s an idiot.”

Matt sighed. “So if Masque and Sitwell know that two of the Avengers are on to them, then they’re probably keeping an eye on all of them, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Probably.”

“So based on that, wouldn’t it make sense to send someone outside of the team for reconnaissance? Someone who isn’t on their radar?”

Bucky hunched his shoulders.

“And if you had someone like that readily available, someone who knows how to fight, who knows what they’re up against, wouldn’t the only logical conclusion be to send them in?”

“Don’t.” Bucky’s voice was cold and hard. He breathed heavily. “Don’t you fucking do that.”

“Do what?”

“Don’t you fucking lawyer me.”

Matt sighed and settled back into the couch. 

“If you knew… if you had even the slightest idea what they did to me. What they TOOK from me. You would never ask me this.” Bucky spoke through gritted teeth. “This is personal for me.”

“And you think it isn’t personal for me?” Matt was standing again. Pacing. “I know what they did and I fucking want to kill them for it, James. And that’s not hyperbole. I want them dead. I lo…” He bit the words back. “You are my person. I want to punish them for what they did to you. But that’s not what this is about. You need information. I am perfectly positioned to get said information. Is it me that you have a problem with? You think someone else could do a better job? Should we call in Jessica? Danny? I need to know. Are you such a martyr that you think only you can do this, or is it me personally - my skill - that you doubt?”

“You could get hurt.”

“We both put ourselves in a position to get hurt every night. You run off to chase aliens and I don’t say a damned thing. It’s part of the deal.”

Bucky shook his head. His voice grew quiet. “This isn’t the same as that. They… if they found out about you - about us. If they knew you meant something to me, they would go out of their way to destroy you because of it. They’ve taken so much from me. I can’t… if they took you, too…”

Matt sighed and dropped back down onto the couch. “Ok. I’ll call up Jessica and Danny. Jessica can track them down at least.”

“Thank you,” Bucky said, taking Matt’s hands in his own. “I don’t doubt you. I don’t doubt any part of you. But I can’t risk them getting close to you.”

Matt nodded, and allowed himself to be pulled down into Bucky’s arms. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Matt is dreaming about the War of the Realms, in which DD subs in for Heimdall and becomes The God Without Fear
> 
> I didn't get a lot of feedback on the last chapter. Can you drop me a line and let me know if you're still out there? I'm feeling sad and lonely...
> 
> Citing my sources:


	8. What he Deserved

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is actually the very first chapter I wrote of this fic, and the chapter from which it gets its name. I'm so glad we're finally getting there. When you're all done reading, please consider leaving comments and suggestions and any ideas for nonsense you would like to see these silly, silly boys get into. This is actually wrapping up! I would guess we have four or so chapters left after this one.

“James…” Matt’s voice was quiet, questioning. 

“Shh… baby. Let me focus, ok?”

A beat of silence.

“James, I don’t think this works…” A little louder.

“Shush. You’re distracting me!”

Matt flinched and turned his head away. He took a deep breath. Could he just let it happen and say nothing?

“James!” Apparently not. His voice was more forceful than he intended, and he made an effort to soften it. He felt himself turning red. “James, I’m sorry, but there’s no way it’s going to fit.”

“Baby, no offense, but you’re blind. I’ve done this before. It will fit. It does fit. It fits because I say it fits. I just need to figure out...” he trailed off. Matt felt the assassin getting hot, straining himself with the exertion. 

Matt bit his lip hard, tasting blood, willing himself to stay silent. He just couldn’t do it.

“James, you’ve got to stop. It doesn’t fit and it’s my ass on the line, ok? You’re going to wreck something!”

“Jesus hell, Red.” Frank interjected. “Could you just keep your goddamn mouth shut? We’re trying to be nice to you here!” 

“First off, please don’t call me that in public, Frank,” Matt hissed. “And second, I appreciate it. I do. I’m not saying I don’t. But can we just stop for a minute and come up with a new plan? I love that you got me a new sofa, James, but it’s not going to matter if you destroy it trying to get it up the stairs! Or worse, if you break a wall! I had a lawyer read over my rental contract, and if we break anything I’m going to have to pay for it.”

The two men stopped, glaring at him. Bucky set his end of the oversized leather couch down on the narrow landing of the staircase leading up to Matt’s apartment. “Nobody laughs at your lawyer jokes, baby.” Bucky said. He stared at their predicament for a moment, the couch wedged in the stairwell. “I don’t think these stairs are to code. Is that something your lawyer friend could help with?”

“So it’s funny when you do it, but not me?” Matt snorted

“Yup. I’m fucking hilarious.”

From above on the staircase, Frank groaned. “Listen, are you two going to make out or help? Because I can leave…”

“What do you want me to do, Frank?” Matt asked, waving a hand in front of his eyes.

“I don’t know.” Frank was tired, exasperated. “You could see that it didn’t fit…”

“I could HEAR that it didn’t fit, Frank, because I could HEAR it scraping against the wall. Just… Hold on.” Matt paused for a second, cocking his head to the left. “Hey Foggy, we’re down here,” he called out.

There was movement at the top of the staircase, and then Foggy appeared, walking down the stairs. “Hi Matt, I… Oh.” He stopped, looking first at Frank Castle and then at the couch wedged in the stairwell. “Mr. Castle,” he said, practically glaring. “I have to say, as your lawyer on record, I’m a little bit uncomfortable running into you like this. Especially because, you know, officially you’re dead. Secret rooftop parties are one thing, but this...”

“Fine,” Frank said. “Great. I’ll leave and you three can figure this out yourself. Maybe ask Marci down here to do some heavy lifting.”

“Frank, come on,” Bucky chided. “Don’t let ‘em get to you like that.”

“Hey...” Foggy said tentatively from above. “Yeah, I don’t mean to be that guy and it seems like you’re all doing a fine job here and all, but… I mean, is there a reason you’re not taking the legs off?”

Matt snorted again.

“The legs come off?” Bucky asked quietly.

"Well, generally yeah.” Foggy walked the rest of the way down the stairs. “See, you just…” he unscrewed one of the legs and popped it off the couch. The entire couch shifted slightly, freed from one of the pressure points wedging it in place.

Matt grinned up at Foggy. “Thanks, buddy!”

“No problem, pal!” Foggy called down, and Matt could feel him grinning back.

***

“Foggybear?” Marci’s eyes were wide, focused intently on Matt’s now closed (and fixed) apartment door. 

Foggy sighed. “Yeah Marci?”

“Why was Frank Castle in Matt’s apartment?”

Foggy dragged his fingers through his hair and tried to nervously tuck it behind his ear. A leftover habit from when it had been long.

Matt rubbed his forehead. 

The two men turned towards Bucky, who sighed. “He’s my roommate?”

Marci turned her wide, open mouthed stare towards Bucky. “Your… your roommate? But he’s… Bucks he’s a killer. Like, a bad one.”

Bucky smiled at her gently. “Sweetheart, you know who I am, right?”

She scrunched her nose. “I’ve been trying not to think about it too hard.”

Bucky pushed a lock of perfectly curled blonde hair gently out of Marci’s face, and gave her a gentle smile. 

Marci sighed and turned towards Matt, confusion quickly turning to annoyance bordering on anger.. “This is somehow all your fault, isn’t it?”

“I…”

“I don’t like you, Murdock. I don’t trust you, You’re no good for my Foggybear. You’re always up to something. You hide behind those glasses looking all innocent, but you’re anything but and I’m sick of it. What’s your deal? Tell me your deal or I’m going to find out.” Her voice was deadly cold. “You know I’ll find out.”

Matt was suddenly very thankful he’d never had to face her in court. He bit his lower lip. “Yeah, yeah ok.”

“What?” Bucky and Foggy both gasped in unison.

“You ok with this, Foggy?” Matt asked.

“I… It’s your call, pal.”

“How about you?” Matt turned back to Marci. “You sure you want this?” Matt was walking towards his coat closet. “Because you’re not going to like it. And then you’re not going to be able to do anything about it, or say anything to anyone, without risking Foggy getting into a hell of a lot of trouble.”

Matt could feel Marci’s perfectly sculpted veneer cracking as he opened the closet door and knelt down in front of the trunk. He opened it, removed his mask, stood, and walked back to Marci.

She stared down at it. 

“Take it,” he said quietly.

“I don’t… I don’t understand.” Marci lifted the black mask out of Matt’s hands.

“Yeah, you do.”

“But how…?”

Bucky walked over to a bowl of fruit sitting on the kitchen counter. He picked up an apple, and threw it at Matt’s head. 

Matt’s hand whipped out and caught it.

Marci gasped. “So… the whole blind thing is…”

“Absolutely true,” Matt interrupted her. “I can’t see a thing.”

“Then how…?”

“Everything else,” Foggy chimed in. ‘Hearing, smell, touch, taste. All of it. It’s creepy as hell.”

“Oh, Foggybear,” Marci said, realization finally hitting her. “If anyone found out… all the cases… if he…” she held up the mask. “If HE had anything to do with it…”

“Mistrial.” Matt offered up.

“You could be disbarred.” Marci picked up Foggy’s hands and held them gently. She turned towards Matt, anger in her eyes. “How could you do this to him?!?”

“No!” Foggy said harshly, surprising everyone including himself. “No, Marci. He didn’t do this to me. I’m glad to be a part of Matt’s life, and I’m thankful he trusted me enough to tell me.”

“I mean, I didn’t so much tell you as you found me half dead on the floor…” Matt muttered with a smile.

“Don’t prove her right, Matt,” Foggy said with a grin. “I’m trying to stand up for you.”

Marci stood silently for a minute. “Ok, so just to be clear,” she finally said. “You’re Daredevil.” Matt nodded. “And you are the Winter Soldier.” Bucky nodded. “And you?” She turned to Foggy. “Foggybear?”

“I’m nobody, Marce. Just me.”

“Ok. Let’s keep it that way.”

Foggy smiled at her fondly. 

“Anything else I should know?” 

“You know that kid that works for them?” Bucky said with a shit-eating grin. “Peter Parker? He actually is Spider-Man.”

“What the Fuck?!?” 

***

Matt snuggled deeper into Bucky. He loved the feel the rough cotton of Bucky’s shirt under his cheek and the firmness of Bucky’s chest under that. Recent arguments aside, Matt was amazed at how easily James has embedded himself into his life. If you had told him eighteen months ago that James Buchanan Barnes - the Winter Soldier, Avenger, and Best Friend of Captain America - was not only gay but might also be interested in Matt and - even more unbelievably - willing to spend his Friday evenings hanging out with Matt’s friends, Matt would have probably punched you. Or, at least he would have hit you with his cane and tried to make it look like an accident. But not only was James very interested in Matt, he was also apparently quickly becoming best friends with Marci Stahl. Marci clearly liked James more than she liked Matt, although that wasn’t very hard considering Marci liked Chicago style pizza more than she liked Matt. Regardless, apparently - Matt learned with shock and a bit of anxiety - the two had been getting together to grab coffee without him in the morning (“My new firm is in Brooklyn,” Marci had said with a smile. “But, like, the nice part.”), and that Marci had been helping James pick out the new wardrobe Matt’s fingers had recently been admiring (“Retro is good, and you pull it off so well, but you’ve got to diversify just a little Bucky-boo”). And this evening, after dinner, while Matt and Foggy had washed the dishes, James and Marci had sat on Matt’s new couch and James had honest to God braided her hair. It was very fancy, too, or at least that’s what Foggy told him. Matt had no way to know, of course. He had asked Marci if he could touch it, and she had pointedly informed him that he was creepy and should use his “weird bat senses.” 

After Foggy and Marci left, Matt and Bucky laid together on Matt’s new couch, listening to music and sipping a shared glass of whiskey. The leather of the couch was smooth and warm against Matt’s skin. His free hand pressed against Bucky’s chest, feeling the strong heartbeat that also echoed through his ears. He breathed in deeply. “Smells good,” he said breathily.

“That new leather smell?” Bucky asked quietly, stroking Matt’s hair.

“Yeah. But also you.”

The music switched to a new song. Matt closed his eyes. 

_Give me to the road, upon the heart that I had sold._   
_ Warm my heavy hands, my heavy hands for you to hold._   
_ There's a devil at your door,_   
_ and he grows, he grows,_   
_ So I've been told he had a heart of gold  
And it grows, it grows like a storm._

Bucky kissed the top of Matt’s head. “You going out tonight?” he asked. 

Matt shrugged. He shifted, turning over so his back was against Bucky’s chest. Bucky snaked an arm around him gently. “Don’t know. Maybe. Seems like maybe Luke’s falling back into bad habits. I should check up on him but…”

_Now the low lakes have frozen._   
_ Away from home I'll go_   
_ When the first snow has fallen._   
_ Away I'll go.  
Oooh Oooh…_

“You’ve had a long week,” Bucky suggested, running his hand up and down Matt’s arm. “Been in and out of court all day for the last three days. Maybe you deserve a break? Let Danny handle it again? Or Jessica?”

“They’re looking into Masque tonight.” Matt kept his voice as emotionless as possible. James didn’t have quite his skills at reading people, but he was still very good at it. 

“Ok, not them.” Bucky took the glass of whiskey out of Matt’s hand and placed it gently on the table in front of them. Then his hand was back, rubbing across Matt’s chest, dipping a finger below the neck of Matt’s t-shirt and stroking over Matt’s collar bone. Matt closed his eyes reflexively as Bucky carefully removed his glasses. Bucky brought his lips to Matt’s neck, kissing and licking and nipping at the sensitive skin, and Matt trembled. “Maybe Misty then? You’re so busy taking care of everybody all the time,” Bucky continued, voice low and filled with his Brooklyn accent. He scraped his teeth over Matt’s earlobe and Matt couldn’t help the groan that escaped his lips. 

_Now the low lakes have frozen._   
_ Away from home I'll go_   
_ When the first snow has fallen._   
_ Away I'll go.  
Oooh Oooh…_

Bucky’s hand slid down from Matt’s neck, across his chest and abs, and came to rest on Matt’s hip crease, thumb tucked into the waistband of Matt’s pants. “Maybe it’s time to let somebody take care of you.” He rolled gently off the couch, guiding Matt’s head down so he was reclined back onto the sofa, head resting on a pillow, Bucky kneeling on the ground by his side. “Can I do that, baby? Can I take care of you?”

“Jesus, James. Please.” 

_Give me to the ground; I followed fires to walk the sun._   
_ Cold upon the mountain to which I'm bound, to which I'm_   
_ bound._   
_ I'll meet you by the mill,_   
_ Your heart winds still._   
_ Sparrow swung down and he took shape and form  
And it grows, grows like a storm._

Bucky leaned in to kiss Matt and Matt tangled his fingers into Bucky’s hair, drawing their mouths together harshly. Impatiently. Bucky pulled back slightly, softening the kiss, making Matt whimper at the loss of contact. Bucky climbed back up onto the couch, which he had specifically picked out because it was big enough to hold both of them, and again Matt grabbed him firmly, this time by the hips, roughly pulling Bucky down. Matt pushed up into Bucky, forcing their bodies together. Again, Bucky pulled back, softening. “Not tonight, baby. Not like that. Later, I promise. Tonight, let me be gentle with you. Let me take care of you.” 

_Now the low lakes have frozen._   
_ Away from home I'll go_   
_ When the first snow has fallen._   
_ Away I'll go.  
Oooh Oooh…_

Matt gripped firmly onto the arm rest above his head, his knuckles whitening, as Bucky slowly peeled off his shirt. Bucky ran his flesh hand across Matt’s chest and abs, tracing his finger across Matt’s scars, then kissing a line across each one, trailing his lips tenderly down Matt’s stomach. “Thank you, baby,” Bucky whispered. “Thank you for being here with me. Thank you for not going after them. For letting someone else take care of it for once. For letting me take care of you.” Matt forced himself to relax, to surrender, as he felt the warmth of Bucky’s mouth surround him.

_Now the low lakes have frozen._  
_ Away from home I'll go_  
_ When the first snow has fallen._  
_ Away I'll go._  
_ Oooh Oooh…_  


***

Matt lay awake, listening to the cold wind blowing through the trees in central park. Any leaves still managing to hold on this long would be on the ground by morning. He felt the barometric pressure falling slightly and wondered if it would snow soon. He hoped not. It was mid-November, and he knew the winter ahead was going to be hard. 

He listened to a couple kissing on the sidewalk below, a baby crying three buildings over, two men arguing in a bar near the docks. 

Last winter had been good. It had been better than Matt could have imagined or hoped for. People had been so happy to have the world back. They worked together, supported each other. They had been kind. But that could only last so long before human nature reared its ugly head. People were tired of helping, of fighting, of struggling. They wanted things to be back to normal, and the truth was they weren’t yet. There wasn’t enough housing or employment or food. There wouldn’t be for a long time. And people were starting to take what they needed, regardless of who it belonged to. Masque reminded him of Fisk; someone who truly believed that they deserved more than everyone else, that by building themselves up they could build up society around them. Matt knew that wasn’t how it worked. 

_ It’s cold, _Matt thought, shivering.

He turned his attention to James, who was sleeping soundly. The man’s eyelids fluttered but his heart remained calm and steady. No bad dreams tonight, thankfully. James was the best thing to ever happen to him, and Matt knew it. That evening, James had been so careful with him. So gentle. Reverent. Worshiping. Matt knew he didn’t deserve it. He didn’t deserve James’s love and he didn’t deserve James’s kindness. He certainly didn’t deserve the worshiping touch that made him want to cry out every time, that burned him with both pleasure and the knowledge that it was based on a lie. Matt didn’t deserve to be worshiped, not when he could feel the devil inside him, so close to the surface, demanding to be let out. 

Telling Marci that night… Matt had thought it would feel good. Despite what she thought of him, Matt truly liked Marci. Foggy loved her, and he loved Foggy, and that was enough for Matt. It felt good to trust her, to let her into his life, and Matt hadn’t expected her to start liking him because of it. He wasn’t surprised by her reaction…

But it didn’t feel good. It was yet another reminder of how different he and James were. What James had that he would never have. Matt knew he would never have the ability - the right - to be open about who he was. Not like James and the others did. Jessica, Danny, Luke… they didn’t hide their faces. Everyone knew, and that was ok. But not Matt. Matt had to hide - would always have to hide.

Matt slipped from the bed and silently padded barefoot into the main room of his apartment, closing the door noiselessly behind him. He walked, reminding himself to avoid the new, larger sofa, to the coat closet and opened it. He dropped to his knees, once again lifting open the lid of the large chest on the closet floor to reveal a rosary and his father’s bible. He gave the sign of the cross once, bowed his head, and apologized to God and James and his mother and Karen and Foggy and Marci and Electra and everyone he had ever hurt - everyone he had ever allowed to be hurt - for who he is. What he needs. What he is. What he was about to do.

He lifted the top compartment out of the chest, revealing his suit underneath. Silently he stepped into it, climbed the steps to the second floor of his apartment, and slid out the skylight and into the night.

The cold air bit at Matt’s lower jaw as he jumped off the rooftop, waiting until his feet left the ground to throw the billy-club in his hand, listening to the wire streaming behind it. It wrapped itself around a metal outcropping and locked into place as he swung across the street. He knew where he was going without thinking about it, his feet guiding him more than his senses as he parkoured across the rooftops. Matt paused for a moment only, perched on the steeple of Clinton church, taking in the familiar surroundings. Listening. Sister Maggie was asleep inside. He wanted to go to her, to wake her, to let her help him pray for forgiveness, but he knew he wouldn’t. Not tonight. He didn’t deserve forgiveness tonight. Not from the church. Not from his mother. Not from anyone. 

Noiselessly, Matt was off again, moving less on instinct as he left the familiar confines of Hell’s Kitchen. It wasn’t that he never went to the Upper East Side, but it didn’t happen all that often and he allowed himself the time to process his surroundings as he made his way to the roof of the hotel that Jessica had identified as Masque’s new base of operations. They were in the penthouse again, which worked out well for Matt. It was late. Matt knew he was grasping at straws - that they would likely all be asleep - but he focused his senses down anyway. 

“Does Bucky know you’re here?”

Matt jumped. He had been so focused on what was going on below that he didn’t notice the two approaching until they were almost on top of him. He shook his head. _ Bad form, man. _“Danny, Jessica,” he said, turning to them with a well practiced smile. “I didn’t expect you to be here.”

“That’s because you’re an idiot,” Jessica said, giving him a gentle shove on his shoulder. It still knocked him off balance. She took a swig from a flask pulled from her coat pocket. “We knew you’d be here.”

“There’s one more in there than last time,” Matt said, ignoring Danny’s question and Jessica’s insult. “Another man.” 

Jessica nodded, pulling a folder out of the inside of her coat. “Yeah, Masque has six guys in there with her now. Sitwell, and five more. I took some pictures of the new guy today.” She handed the folder to Danny, who looked the pictures over. “New guy is a real Tall-Dark-And-Handsome, Matt. You’d like him. Seems like your type for sure.”

“Would you look at that,” Danny agreed. “He is definitely Matt’s type.”

“Shut up,” Matt shook his head. “I don’t even have a type.”

“Oh, man. Yeah, you totally do,” Danny said with a grin.

“I… how is that even possible? I can’t see!”

“Still,” Jessica teased. “You like ‘em pretty. And this guy is certainly pretty.”

“If I had a type, which I don’t, have we forgotten that these guys are likely ex-Hydra?”

“Which is kind of also your type…” 

Matt turned to Jessica, fists up, ready to fight. 

“Ok, ok,” she held up her hands and took a step back. “I’m just sayin’…” She took another drink.

“Could you find anything on them?” he asked.

She shook her head, no. “Nothing. I ran those pictures I took through the best facial recognition software there is, and they returned absolutely nothing. For all of them. Which… well that’s just unheard of. These people are ghosts. They’re worse than ghosts.”

“At least ghosts were people once,” Danny finished her thought.

“Exactly. I mean, supposedly all the Hydra files were released, but these guys weren’t in there. If they were Hydra…”

“They were,” Matt interrupted. “James knew them.”

“Ok.” Matt could feel Jessica rolling her eyes at him. “I’m not saying they weren't, but if they were, then their files should have been in there. Which means someone deleted them after the fact.”

“That shouldn’t even be possible,” Danny said quietly.

“No, it shouldn’t,” Jessica agreed.

“What else do we know?” Matt desperately wished he could get here earlier, while they were still awake. He had never once hoped the Avengers would get called across the globe on a dangerous mission. He didn’t hope that. But it would certainly make things easier.

“Masque never leaves the hotel room,” Jessica continued. “So I can’t get in and look at what they’re actually doing. But it’s a lot of paperwork. Lawyers in and out at all hours. I did some digging into Masque and she has several aliases. One of them, Whitney Frost, just formed a non-profit. ‘Food for the People” or some garbage like that. They’re looking into ways to increase crop production.”

“That makes a lot of sense,” Danny agreed. “The food shortages are getting worse. If you can control the food, you’d have real power. Rand Enterprises has been looking into the same thing… to help of course! There’s just not enough food for everyone. If we can figure out a way to increase production - feed more people now, without having to wait for all the infrastructure to be rebuilt… So much was destroyed in the Blip. Farmer’s just can’t keep up.”

“You guys having any success?”

“Um… yeah, actually, we are. There’s some new tech that should help seeds germinate and grow faster.”

“Enough to celebrate?” Matt asked cautiously.

“I… What? Why? That’s not really the Rand way.”

“No,” Matt agreed. “But it could be. Throw a party to celebrate your technological advancements. Maybe have a few of them on site to show off…”

“You want to use Rand Enterprises as bait?”

“That could work,” Jessica chimed in, taking another pull from her flask. “If she left the room, she’d bring her goons with her. I could get in and take a look around.”

“And I could try to talk to her at the party,” Matt added. “Or Tall-Dark-And-Handsome?” he smirked at Jessica. 

Danny sighed. “Ward is going to hate this plan.”

Jessica settled back against the wall behind her. “They’re going to know it’s a trap. These guys are just too good.” 

Matt and Danny scoffed in unison.

“I don’t mean that we’re not good too,” Jessica continued. “I just don’t think they’re going to slip up. Following them around is not enough; if it was, the Hawkeyes would have gotten something on them. I think the party plan is a good one, but we need to be prepared for them to suspect something. They’re going to know it’s a trap.”

“You coming then?” Danny asked her with a smile. “For security?”

“Will there be an open bar?”

“On second thought, you’re uninvited. Even I don’t have that much money.”

Jessica toasted him silently, and took another drink.

“Alright,” Danny said with a nod. “I’ll get on it. If it’s a small, intimate dinner party. Just me and say, my closest hundred friends or so, I should be able to pull that together in a few weeks. We’ll just have to keep them on their toes about exactly what kind of trap it is.”

“Thanks, Danny.” Matt was focusing down into the hotel again. Someone was stirring - one of the men. He was getting dressed. Matt listened to him as he exited the penthouse and made his way down the elevator. Matt felt the elevator stop on a middle floor, but there was too much interference. He tried to focus...

“...You’re off balance. Whatever you have going on with Bucky right now, it’s affecting you here too. I’m worried about you.”

“What?” Matt asked. He had missed the first part of whatever Danny was saying. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know you can,” Danny said gently. “I don’t doubt that for a moment. But that doesn’t mean you need to be taking unnecessary risks. I just… Just be careful, ok? Take some time to center your chi.”

Jessica rolled her eyes again. “Yeah, that’s my cue to leave.”

“It’s not nothing, Jessica,” Danny called after her already retreating form. He turned back and put a hand on Matt’s shoulder. “You promise you’ll call if you need something? I already lost Luke. I couldn’t stand to lose you too.”

Matt nodded. “You know that’s not going to happen. Not like Luke…”

“You’re right. Not like Luke. You’ll fall apart in your own way.”

Matt pressed his lips together.

“Alright, man. Take care of yourself. Call when you need something.” Danny started to walk way, then turned back. “Oh! And you are coming to the party. I need my legal counsel there.”

“I wouldn’t miss it!” Matt replied back with a forced smile. He followed Danny’s footsteps as he left, then turned his attention back to the hotel, trying again to find the man who had left the penthouse. He was gone. 

Matt was contemplating heading back to his apartment when he heard a scream in the distance. He turned towards it on instinct, brushing aside the thought of James, warm and soft in his bed. He didn’t deserve it. This was who he was, and right now violence was what he deserved.

***

Bucky was still asleep when Matt slid back into the apartment. He quietly took off his suit, washed the blood off his knuckles, and dressed his wounds. Then, he tucked himself into bed next to Bucky and closed his eyes, focusing inwardly on himself to help accelerate the healing process. Next to him, Bucky sighed once, contentedly. Outside, the sun began to peak over the horizon.

Matt was anything but content. His mind was racing. The fight should have calmed it; should have provided some relief from the constant pacing of the devil inside his head. He felt Bucky shift in his sleep and Matt leaned into it, using Bucky’s moment of restlessness to settle himself deeper into Bucky’s arms. He smelled Bucky’s familiar scent and something inside of him started to crack. Matt pushed back into Bucky’s solid frame and the man shifted again, waking slightly. Matt nuzzled his chin, rough and unshaven, against Bucky’s arm, feeling the strong muscles underneath. They felt like hardened lumber wrapped in warm flesh. Matt wanted to lose himself in them.

“Mmmm,” Bucky sighed. “Can’t sleep, baby?”

Matt whimpered. 

Bucky was half asleep, moving gently and fluidly as he rolled Matt over to face him. He cupped Matt’s face in his hand and rubbed his thumb across Matt’s jawline. His voice was low and slurred, sleep creeping into it. “You know you can always wake me up, baby. Right? If you need me, you wake me right up.” Bucky’s hand combed through Matt’s hair before trailing down his neck and spine and coming to rest in the small of his back. “Tell me what you need,” Bucky whispered. 

Matt nipped at Bucky’s lower lip. “Hurt me,” he whispered.

Bucky pulled back and regarded Matt. “Baby...”

“Please, James,” Matt begged. “Please. I need it. I…”

Bucky cut him off with a kiss, pushing Matt onto his back. Bucky climbed on top of him, pinning his hands above his head. Matt suddenly remembered the cuts on his knuckles and tried to pull away, to hide his hands, but Bucky held him there tightly. “No,” he growled out. “You asked for this.” Still holding Matt’s hands securely, Bucky bent down and began to kiss Matt’s neck, making sure his rough stubble scraped across as much of Matt’s sensitive skin as possible. “You want me to stop, you just say stop, ok?” he murmured quietly. 

Matt nodded.

“Keep your hands there,” Bucky said, releasing Matt and sitting up. “You move them and I’ll have to tie you up.”

Matt’s hands twitched reflexively at the thought of James tying him up. 

“Don’t,” Bucky growled at him. “I can make it even better if you’re good for me. You know you want to be good for me.”

Matt wasn’t sure he did.

“You try so hard to be good, don’t you? Try to do what I tell you?” 

Bucky was kissing down his throat and across his chest. There was something wrong, Matt realized. Something different in his voice. In the way he held himself. The way his muscles were tensed. 

“You try but it’s too hard sometimes. I get that.”

Bucky had his vibranium hand on Matt’s chest. Matt could feel him staring. His breath was off. He wasn’t smiling.

“Sometimes you need me to help you, is that it? To remind you that you’re my good boy? To help you remember how to follow directions.”

“Stop!”

Matt felt Bucky regard him for a long time, before sighing and rolling lazily away. 

“I’m sorry.” Matt grabbed the sheets and pulled them up around himself. “I’m sorry, James. I thought I wanted…”  
  
“It’s fine,” Bucky interrupted. “It’s time for you to get ready for work anyway. You don’t want to keep Foggy waiting.”

***

Five nights passed before Bucky called him out on it directly.

“Did you think that I’m an idiot? That I wouldn’t notice?”

Matt froze. James had been asleep. His breath, his heartbeat, everything had told Matt that James was sound asleep. 

“I’m the world’s greatest assassin,” Bucky continued, as if reading Matt’s mind. “You think I can’t control those things? Make you hear what you need to hear? Five nights. Five nights in a row you’ve climbed out of this bed and snuck out the skylight like a fucking teenager. Five nights you’ve slid back in next to me and said nothing, like I’m not going to know. Like I don’t see the bruises. Like I don’t know your body and how you act when it’s sore. And for what? Are you going after them? Are you doing the one thing that I asked you - that I begged you not to do? Is that where you were tonight?”

Matt shook his head, no. It wasn’t exactly a lie. He hadn’t gone to Masque’s hotel that night.

Bucky was silent for a long time. His next words were quiet and cold. “I’m going to believe you. I’m going to believe you because I can’t take what it would mean if I didn’t. But I need you to tell me why? Why are you sneaking around like you can’t trust me?Like you can’t stand me caring about you?”

Matt bit his lower lip.

“The great lawyer is speechless. Got nothing for me, counselor? No defense? No closing arguments?” Bucky stared at him. Matt could feel the anger radiating off of him - hot and raw and pulsing. “Fine.” Bucky threw back the covers and climbed out of bed, dressing quickly. “I’m going home. You know where to find me when you’re ready to talk. I thought we were past this, Matt. I really did!”

Matt listened to Bucky walk out of the bedroom He heard Bucky pause briefly at the door to the apartment, his hand hovering above the doorknob. He was giving Matt a chance. Matt wanted to run to him, to drop to his knees in front of this man who offered him everything. Gave him more than Matt knew how to take. Matt wanted to beg for forgiveness, not to God but to James. James was the only one who could absolve him now. 

He didn’t move.

Matt heard the door open. Bucky stepped through, and then it shut again.

Matt stood, frozen, listening as Bucky walked down the stairs and out the front door, slamming it hard enough to make Matt flinch. Matt followed Bucky’s footsteps out onto the cold streets and eventually down the stairs into the 50th street subway station. 

Only then did he allow himself to sit on the edge of the bed. He took a deep, shaky breath and then, Matt Murdock, the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen, dropped his head into his hands and cried.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat! Extra special thanks to Treetop_Nymph who came up with the opening scene. Honestly, people. If you leave me a comment and say "I want to see the big burly superheroes move furniture," I will write it for you. And I will even try to make it sound like sex!
> 
> The song is “I Followed Fires” by Matthew and the Atlas. Side note, Charlie Cox has starred in two Matthew and the Atlas music videos. I am a huge fan of this one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=woxJj7ONWWY
> 
> Plot wise, I have no good reason to out Matt to Marci. I don’t think that’s going to play a role in this story at all (but who knows, right?). I just feel like she’s not an idiot. She would figure it out on her own. And I am sick of comics (and especially Daredevil comics) treating women like idiots. So here you go, Marci. Have some agency. Make well informed decisions. Live your best life.
> 
> I have no sources to cite today, so please enjoy this gif of Matt kneeling down to pray before putting on the DD suit. 


	9. Fucking Amateurs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat!

Matt got himself out of bed and dragged his ass into work because that is what you do when you’re an adult. You don’t sit in bed and wallow in misery because your boyfriend left you for being an idiot. You’re not 16. You go to work and do professional things and…

“Jesus, Matt. You look terrible.” Foggy’s voice broke Matt out of his thoughts. “Are you ok? What happened?” Foggy lowered his voice. “Were you out fighting last night?”

“No,” Matt ran his fingers through his hair, trying to remember if he even tried to comb it that morning. “I mean, yes. But that’s not… I’m fine. Everything is fine.” He walked through the office and sat down at his desk, massaging his temple. 

“We have three clients coming in today,” Karen said softly, putting the files down on his desk. “Two can even pay. I was at Frank's last night - this morning - when Bucky got back there. Do you want to talk about it? We shouldn’t cancel, but maybe talking would help?”

“I don’t - ” Matt caught himself. His voice was harsher than he meant it to be. He bit his lower lip and took a deep breath. “I don’t want to talk about it. Thank you. I’ll be fine.”

“Ok.” Matt could feel Karen smile as she smoothed out his hair. “Look at me.”

Matt turned his face towards Karen, not bothering to correct her, and Karen straightened his tie. He smiled weakly up at her. 

“It was just a fight, Matt. Ok? Couples fight. Talk to him.”

Matt turned away and picked up the files Karen had set down, opening them and running his fingers over the top page. “I should review these,” he said quietly. 

She nodded. “First appointment is in an hour.”

The day went smoothly, which was a blessing. The three scheduled clients arrived on time, plus two walk-ins, one of whom also seemed like they would be able to pay. Matt standing publicly alongside Pete and Spider-Man against Quinten Beck and the Daily Bugle had created some odd shifts for the firm. Neither Pete nor Spider-Man had ever actually pressed charges, nor had charges been brought against either of them, but suddenly Nelson & Murdock was seen both as the public face defending enhanced people and the public face defending a high school kid against enhanced people. It was a win for them either way you looked at it, and it had made Nelson & Murdock a household name. Which meant they were finally making some money. Which, while not the most important goal, was good for everyone. 

Foggy stuck his head into Matt’s office. “I’m headed out for the night. You want to go get a drink or something?”

“Nah, thanks pal.” Matt tried to smile at him. He knew it looked forced. “I’m tired. I’m gonna look over a few more things home, and then head home and sleep.”

“Really sleep?”

“Yeah,” Matt smiled for real. “Really sleep.”

“Well, ok then.” He paused. “But tomorrow, Matt? Talk to him, ok?”

“Ok.”

Foggy lingered, as if he wanted to say something, then turned and walked towards the door.

Matt heard it open. 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

He didn’t recognize the voice. It was smooth and confident, and didn’t sound at all sorry. Matt could also sense that the man had a gun strapped to the small of his back. That was worrisome, but not totally unheard of. If he was in some sort of trouble...

“We’re actually closing up for the night,” Foggy said to the stranger. “Could you come back tomorrow?”

“Oh, well…”

“It’s ok, Foggy,” Matt called out. “Send him back.”

“Your lucky day, I guess,” Foggy said to the man, and he left the office, closing the door behind him. 

Matt stood, closing up the files he was working on and slipping his glasses onto his face. He grabbed his cane and walked towards his office door, meeting the man just outside it. “How can I help you, Mr…?”

“You’re blind?” the man said, surprised.

“That I am.”

“I’m… oh, god. I’m so sorry. How extremely rude of me. I didn’t mean…”

Matt waved him off with his free hand, then held it out to shake the man’s. “Matt Murdock.”

“Joshua Fragg,” the man said, clasping Matt’s hand firmly. His heart skipped a beat.

_ Well fuck, _Matt thought. The fake name and the gun together were definitely a concern. He was thankful Foggy had left.

But the man didn’t seem nervous. He didn’t have the kind of energy of someone about to snap and shoot up a small law firm. He seemed confident. Really confident, if Matt was being honest. A person held themselves differently when they knew they looked good; it was one of the things that he found most attractive about James. This man held himself like he knew he was gorgeous, and Matt suspected that he was. He was clearly strong - heavily muscled especially through his arms and chest. He smelled good, too. Matt could tell he had worked out earlier that day and then showered after. He smelled like high quality hair product with just a trace of gunpowder. All of which was to say, this guy was totally doing it for him. There was, however, something wrong about him that Matt couldn’t quite place. Everything about him sounded just a little… off. Not enhanced. Not like James or Steve… but it was almost as if the man vibrated at a slightly different frequency than everyone else. Matt focused.

“How can I help you, Mr. Fragg.”

“Are you sure you have time?” Joshua gestured to the door. His pulse increased. “If you were just leaving… I don’t want to impose.”

“Of course not,” Matt stepped back into his office, indicating the desk. He took a seat behind it, and Joshua sat down across from him. “Please. Start at the beginning.”

Joshua paused for a moment before speaking. “Ok. Ok, yeah. There was this guy. We were… well we were together for a long time. Years. And things ended badly, as they do. So I left New York. I’ve been gone for a while. But now I’ve had to come back for work, and I’m worried. This man… he has really powerful friends. I know I look like I can take care of myself but…” He stumbled, realizing. “Oh god. I’m so sorry.”

Matt’s smile was genuine. “It’s truly ok. But I want to stop you before you continue. Are you safe? Are you worried that this guy is going to hurt you?”

Joshua thought for a moment, then continued, shaking his head. “Yeah. I mean, no. Yes I think I’m safe. No, I don’t think he’s going to hurt me. Not right now, anyway. But he would, if he could. Anyway, I don’t know what kind of rights I have. Not sure if anything can be done. I’m just…” he trailed off.

“Worried,” Matt completed the sentence for him after a pause.

Joshua nodded.

Matt thought for a moment about the story. It wasn’t untrue, as far as he could tell. Joshua wasn’t telling him the whole story, that was obvious, but it also wasn’t a lie. And if the man really was as afraid as he claimed to be, that would explain a lot about him - the gun, the fake name... No doubt something about this guy was off, but Matt supposed it could all be stemming from fear. “Has this man - your ex - has he tried to reach out to you at all?”

“No.”

“Maybe he doesn’t know you’re in the city?”

“He knows.” 

Matt cocked his head, listening to Joshua’s breathing. There was something there... He just couldn’t place it.

“His friends have been watching me. I’ve seen them,” Joshua continued.

“Watching you? Like stalking you?”

“Yeah.”

Matt leaned forward. “Just his friends, or him too?”

“Just his friends,” Joshua responded. “There are five of them that I’ve seen.”

Matt sighed. “That’s going to make it harder. If it was him, we could probably get a restraining order. If he was hiring people to watch you, that’s something we could fight too. Can you start keeping track of when you see these friends of his? Where you are, what you’re doing, that sort of thing. If there is a pattern, or if we can show it’s excessive, we can use that to prove that it’s harassment and that he’s behind it, and that’s something we can work with. Do you know who they are? The friends?”

“Most of them,” Joshua said. “There’s one guy… I’m not sure. I have some ideas, though.”

Matt nodded. “Keep notes. If you decide to move forward with this, I’m going to need you to give me the names of the friends, ok? I have a private investigator I work with; we can have her look into them.”

Joshua smiled. “Thank you, Mr. Murdock. Just talking to you has made me feel so much better. I just… I just want to take some control back from this guy, you know?”

It was the first totally honest thing that Joshua had said. 

“Please, call me Matt. And let me know immediately if things escalate, okay? If you feel unsafe in anyway.”

“I will do that. Thank you, Matt. I really appreciate it.”

Both men stood, and Matt shook Joshua’s hand again. His handshake was solid and strong. The man held the handshake a little longer than was absolutely necessary, and Matt let him. He felt Joshua’s heart rate rise, just slightly. Then Matt walked him to the door, locking it behind him. 

Matt waited until the man was gone before heading home himself. The streets were quiet. He reached out, focusing, searching for Bucky’s vibranium arm, but it was pointless. Brooklyn was too far away. 

  
***

Matt moved through the motions for the next week. He helped his clients during the day, and at night went out looking for a fight. There was always one to be found.

It shouldn’t have been a big deal. There were five Russians and some gunfire. _ Maybe it’s a drug deal gone wrong _, Matt thought. They were only shooting at each other, and a part of Matt wondered if he should even get involved. Maybe, just this once, he could let them take care of each other.

But he couldn’t. He knew he couldn’t. If one of them died on his watch… or worse, if a stray bullet ended up hitting someone innocent... He knew he wouldn’t be able to forgive himself.

So he jumped in. He threw a billy club, ricocheting it against a brick wall and taking two of the five out before they even knew he was there. There were three more, but it wasn’t that bad. He could still handle it. He was handling it just fine. It felt good to be in a decent fight again. Matt’s knuckles were pleasantly sore, and his lip was bleeding slightly, and he snarled and felt alive as one of the Russians came up behind him. He flipped the man over his shoulder and onto the ground and knocked him unconscious with a single blow.

Which meant there should only be two left, except suddenly there were six. Wait, no, eight. Damn it, where did they come from? And Matt was fighting but there were too many of them. One grabbed Matt around the waist and pushed him back, and Matt’s head banged against something hard and metal and he saw stars. The man let up for just a moment, and Matt lashed out. He punched and then scrambled up the side of the dumpster behind him to gain the high ground, except it was open, and he fell in. 

“Fuck,” he muttered to himself, struggling to get up on his feet, fists at the ready, expecting them to come at him again any second.

But they didn’t. 

It was silent. 

Matt sat for a moment, trying not to breathe in the stench around him. Outside the dumpster, in the alley, everything was still. Then, Matt heard a man drop down from somewhere above. There was a faint, familiar, whirring noise.

“You good in there, asshole?”

Matt sighed. “Yeah, Clint. I’m fine. Thanks for asking.” He clambered out. 

“What the fuck are you doing here, anyway? Except ruining my night for a second time?” Clint was clearly angry.

“Ruining your… what?”

“I had these guys right where I wanted them, and then you came in and fucked the whole thing up.”

“Right where you wanted them?” Matt’s head was throbbing. “Maybe don’t plan a sting operation in Hell’s Kitchen without warning me. I heard gunfire; I followed it. Not sure what you expected to happen. And what do you mean for the second time?”

“Oh. Well…” Clint’s mood shifted. Matt heard his heart skip a beat. “It’s nothing. Never mind.” Clint turned to walk away. “Just call him, ok?” Clint said over his shoulder. 

Matt followed his feet once again until they lead him back to his church, the place that had been his home twice in his life now when he had nowhere else to go. He heard Sister Maggie moving through the crypt, where he had recovered after nearly dying at Midland Circle, organizing some clothes and canned food that must have been recently donated. He heard her pause, lighting a match. He wondered if she was saying a prayer for him, and then shook the thought away. So many more important people to pray for tonight. She had lived through the blip, and that seemed to have aged her more than the five years she was here and he was gone.

Matt paused for a moment, wondering. She had so many other people to worry about. He didn’t deserve...

He dropped noiselessly to the ground in the church courtyard. He could feel the warmth streaming out of the open front door so he avoided it and instead turned to walk away from the building. 

“Mathew Michael Murdock!” The words were whispered, but Matt could hear them clear as day. He froze, unable to walk away from that voice when it’s calling him, but unwilling to acknowledge that the name was his. “Oh, get over yourself,” Sister Maggie continued. “There’s nobody here but us.”

Matt listened. She was right. She was always right. He wondered if that was because she was a nun, or because she was his mother. 

He turned and walked towards her, and she was already moving back into the church, leading him down stone stairs into the crypt. It was cool and familiar. He took off his mask and ran his hands through his hair. 

Sister Maggie grabbed his chin, holding it roughly between her thumb and forefinger. It wasn’t comforting. It wasn’t meant to be. She assessed him, moving his face side to side. “You hurt?” she asked. 

Matt shook his head, no.

“I thought not,” she said, releasing him. “Not physically, anyway. What did you do?”

“How could you possibly…?” Matt started to ask.

“I know that face. It’s the official ‘I’m a Murdock and I’ve done something stupid’ face. I saw it on your father more times than I can count.”

Matt flinched. “Oh.”

“So what did you do?” Sister Maggie walked to a shelf and pulled a bottle of whiskey out from behind several large hymnals. “You piss off that adorable boyfriend of yours?” She poured a glass of the whiskey and handed it to Matt, then poured another for herself.

Matt nodded and took a drink. It burned, but it was good.

“And it was your fault, of course?”

Matt nodded again.

“So why are you here talking to me and not out there finding him and apologizing to him?”

Matt shrugged.

Maggie shook her head. “You’re lucky you’re pretty, Matthew. Because you’re a damned idiot.”

Matt laughed and finished his drink. “Yeah. Yeah, I know. Thanks.”

“Go and find him. Talk to him.”

“Ok. Ok I will.” Matt felt her glaring at him. “I will! Tomorrow.”

“Why not tonight?”

“Because it’s late. Tomorrow will be better.”

Sister Maggie sighed. “He’s an Avenger, Matthew. It’s not like he keeps normal business hours.”

“No, but I do. I’ve got cases and…”

“Sounds like you’ve got excuses to me,” Maggie interrupted him. “Alright, talk to him tomorrow then.” She ushered Matt out as he put his mask back on. One they were back in the courtyard she took his hand and held it for just a moment. “Please take care of yourself, Matthew. You deserve good things too.”

Matt swallowed hard, then nodded. There was nothing left to say, and Sister Maggie turned back to walk into the church, and Matt headed back to his apartment. 

*** 

Only he didn’t talk to Bucky the next day. He couldn’t. Because the next day was Danny’s party and he knew James wouldn’t like it if he went. He didn’t want to have to lie to James. 

_ After _ , he told himself. _ After, he could tell James everything they’d learned, and what he’d been doing, and James would see that he’d done a good job. That he was good at what he did. After the party, things would be better. _

_ It’s the best option, _Matt repeated himself for the hundredth time as he stepped out of the back of the cab and snapped open his cane. He tried to straighten his bow tie as best he could, and then walked up the stairs into the Rand building where he could hear the party already underway. 

Matt still wasn’t convinced that having the party here was the best idea. There was just too much to keep track of. He was reminded of the party he and Elektra had attended at Roxxon; how easy it had been to get their ledger. But Danny had convinced him that it was the only way. It was the way it had to be done - the way it would be done, if it wasn’t a trap. Anything else would look suspicious. 

And that’s why Matt was there, anyway. All the higher floors had been totally cleared. Any movement above meant they had Masque and Sitwell. 

It was a solid plan. 

Matt schooled his features into a pleasantly neutral expression, then stepped into the fray. He made his way carefully to the bar and ordered a whiskey. No sooner was it in his hand than Danny was by his side.

“Masque is at the very end of the bar,” he said under his breath. “She’s wearing multiple strings of pearls.”

Matt focused then replied, keeping his face pointed away from Danny. “I hear them.” There was something else, too. The faint noise of technology whirring, slightly mechanical. Matt focused on it, trying to identify what it could be.

“Good. All of her men are here too. Seven of them total. I’m sure they’re armed. Be careful.” And he was gone. 

Matt sipped at his whiskey, listening to Masque as she placed her order at the bar. The bartender handed her the drinks - a white wine and a scotch - and Matt followed her footsteps as she walked with them across the crowded room. She handed the scotch to a man that Matt identified as Sitwell from his bald head. Sitwell gave off the same whir of technology as Masque. It almost reminded Matt of Clint’s hearing aid, but it wasn’t coming from any specific place on their bodies and Matt knew he would feel vibrations of metal if they were wearing wires. He focused on their conversation, but it was nothing - casual banter about the weather and what other people at the party were wearing. They were curious about what Rand Enterprises would be unveiling that night. Wondered if any representatives from Stark Industries would be there. They’d heard the two companies were feuding less since Tony Stark’s untimely passing. 

He kept an ear on them, but allowed his focus to wander, assessing the rest of the crowd. He identified three men with concealed handguns, who he had to assume were with Masque. That was fine. They’d expected that. The band started to play, and Matt drifted casually towards Masque and Sitwell in order to better hear their conversation.

“Excuse me, Mr. Murdock?” 

Matt felt an arm on his elbow. “Joshua! What a pleasant surprise.” He turned towards the man with a smile. Behind him, he felt Danny move towards Masque and strike up a conversation. _ Good, _ Matt thought, directing his attention to Joshua. 

“How could you possibly know it was me?” Joshua asked, and Matt could tell he was smiling, pleased by Matt recognizing him.

“You have a very distinctive voice.” And… oh, Joshua clearly liked that. Matt continued. “I was starting to get worried. I hadn’t heard back from you.”

“Really?” And Joshua liked that too, his heart rate kicking up another notch. “I… I felt so foolish after I left. You were so kind to me and here I was with some dumb sob story about an ex-boyfriend…”

“I take threats of domestic violence very seriously, Joshua. I never think someone who comes to me is being foolish.”

Matt felt Joshua smile. His pulse sped up. “Mr. Murdock…”

“Matt.”

“Matt,” Joshua reached out and took his half empty glass, placing it on the tray of a waiter walking by, “I hope I’m not being too forward, but would you dance with me?”

Matt paused. “I don’t make a habit of dancing with clients,” he said quietly.

“I’m not technically a client though, am I?” Joshua took Matt’s hand in his own and ran his thumb over the top of it. “I mean, I haven’t hired you. That was just a consultation.”

“True.”

“And it’s just one dance.” Joshua stepped forward, into Matt’s space. He let his hand travel up Matt’s arm until it rested on his elbow. 

“I suppose one dance couldn’t hurt anything,” Matt agreed. He was trying to blend in, after all. He didn’t want it to look like he was the only one not enjoying the party. He could still sense that there was no movement in the upper levels of the building, and Danny was still talking to Masque. This was as good a time as any to cement his cover - just in case anyone was watching. “You’ll have to lead, though,” Matt said with a grin. 

“That’s how I prefer it anyway,” Joshua said. His voice was low, and Matt shivered slightly. Did Joshua catch it? The skip in his heartbeat was probably coincidental. Matt brushed it aside and allowed Joshua to lead him confidently out onto the dance floor. Joshua wrapped a strong arm around his waist, hand coming firmly to the small of his back. “Has anyone told you recently how pretty you are?” 

Matt laughed, allowing himself to lean back into Joshua’s strong hand.

“It’s not a joke, Matt. I’m curious. When is the last time someone told you that you were beautiful?”

“It’s been a while.”

“That’s a real pity.” Joshua pulled him closer, swaying to the music. “Idiot never could recognize a good thing when he saw one.” He cupped a hand under Matt’s chin.

“What?” Matt asked, pulling back slightly. Joshua held him firmly.

“Oh, I know all about you, Matt.” Joshua leaned closer. “You’re Bucky’s boy.” 

Matt felt a small prick in his arm, and his ears began to fill with static

***

“We gotta go. Get dressed.” Clint slammed the door open to the apartment. 

Bucky looked up from where he was sitting on the couch. He was wearing frayed Black Widow pajama pants, and an extremely tight purple hoodie. The hood was pulled up over his head. A half gallon of spumoni ice cream was in his lap. He had eaten the chocolate layer, and was working his way through the cherry.

“Frank’s going to kill you in your sleep,” Clint informed him, eyeing the ice cream.

Bucky shrugged. “Let him try.”

“Come on. Get changed. We need to go. Masque is on the move.”

Bucky narrowed his eyes. “Where are they headed?”

“There’s a party at Rand Enterprises tonight. Whitney Frost is on the guest list. Bucky, you need to get moving. Now.”

“I’m moving, I’m moving.” Bucky stood up slowly. Kate’s hoodie was oversized on her, but on Bucky it was skin tight and rode up like a crop-top. 

“Bucky…” Clint paused. “Listen, I need to tell you something. I… It’s not my business, right? You’re my friend, and Matt is a grown-ass adult, and you didn’t ever ask. I wanted to give you two space to work this out on your own.”

Bucky put the ice cream back in the freezer. “Spit it out, man.”

“When I was following Masque, I saw... I should have told you.”

“Fuck, Clint. You’re the one who said we needed to move.” Bucky walked into his room and started to change into his tactical gear.

“Matt’s been following her too.”

Bucky froze.

“He’s going to be there tonight - at whatever event the Rand kid has set up. They’re in it together.”

“No.”

“Bucky, it’s worse than that.”

Bucky was now moving at full speed, tucking knives into his suit.

“She…” Clint shook his head and ran his fingers through his hair, making it stand on end. “She’s cloned all of them, man. She brought them all back.”

“Who?” Bucky’s voice was deadly cold.

“STRIKE. All of them.”

Clint watched as every muscle in Bucky’s body tensed and, for a moment, he worried that Bucky was about to turn on him. He readied himself for the attack.

Bucky took a deep breath, and relaxed slightly. “Where’s Frank?” he asked.

“He’s going to meet us there.”

“Good.” Bucky stuck two more knives into pockets Clint couldn’t even see and slung Deloris over his shoulder. “Lead the way.” 

They met Frank in a van parked in a loading dock at the back of the Rand building. Pete was there too, along with a heavyset kid that Bucky knew he’d met before but couldn’t quite place. The two of them were typing frantically on a keyboard that was attached to multiple screens. 

“What are they…?” Bucky started to ask, gesturing at the two boys, when the screens jumped to life displaying video of the inside of the building. Most of them were shots of empty floors. Bucky wondered for a moment why there wasn’t a single security guard in sight, until he realized it was probably a trap. This way, if Matt felt anyone on a higher floor, he would know they weren’t supposed to be there. It was a good plan, Bucky thought for a moment, before remembering that it was a terrible plan that put Matt needlessly in danger and he hated it. 

He looked up, realizing it was silent in the van. Everyone was staring at him expectantly.

“Bucky?” Clint prompted.

“Yeah? What?”

Frank sighed. “I asked what you wanted to do here. These idiots obviously have a plan in place. Do we rush in and stop it? Eliminate Masque and the others?”

Bucky shook his head. The party was just getting started, but it was already crowded. Rushing in now, the way he wanted to, risked a lot of collateral damage. “No,” he sighed. “Let’s see how it plays out.”

They watched the screens for a while. Peter and the other kid chatted nervously, and Bucky wished he could tell them to just shut the fuck up. Or leave. Frank sat in a corner cleaning and checking his guns one at a time. Clint was pacing nervously in the confined space. Bucky was staring at the screen. Finally:

“There,” Clint saw her first, which was obnoxious to Bucky since he’d been the one watching the video feed. He pointed at a blonde woman in a floor-length burgundy gown. She had carefully curled blonde hair and movie star good looks. She reminded Bucky of Sally Gray. She didn’t look anything like the woman Kate had shown him before. Clint must have seen the confusion in his face: “Clones,” he reminded Bucky. “This one is a known persona: Whitney Frost.”

Bucky nodded, studying the screen. Frost was working the crowd. They couldn’t hear anything, but it was clear from the way she moved and the responses of those around her that she was charming. An expert manipulator. And then… Bucky gripped the chair in front of him so hard it cracked. The heavy set boy squeaked and looked like he might try to run away.

Whitney Frost had moved to the side of the room, and was now talking to Sitwell and Rollins…

The fuckers hadn’t even tried to disguise themselves. 

“Mr. Murdock is here,” Pete said, pointing at a different screen. He expanded the image.

“Shit.” Even through security footage, the sight of Matt hit Bucky right in the chest. God, that man looked so good. He was wearing his tux, impeccably tailored and tight across his broad chest. His bowtie was just slightly askew, and Bucky wanted to grab him and adjust it… and then get him all disheveled again. 

They watched through the video feed as Matt made his way to the bar, turning several heads as he went - and god Bucky wanted to break the necks of everyone looking at him like that. Didn’t they know Matt was his? Matt ordered a drink, and then the Rand kid made his way next to him and ordered one of his own. Rand never looked at Matt, and Bucky could tell by the two mens’ body language that they were exchanging information. They probably thought they were being very discreet. Bucky shook his head. _ Fucking amateurs. _

Then Frost was at the bar too, and Bucky watched Matt cock his head. He wondered how Rand had identified her. Rand walked away, and Matt was leaning against the bar, sipping his whiskey and looking so gorgeously casual. 

Frost walked back to Sitwell. There were several minutes where nothing happened, then Matt began to move, picking his way carefully through the crowd, working his way closer to Frost. A band had started playing, and a few couples were moving to the dance floor. 

Bucky watched a man in a blue suit approach Matt, and flinched when the man touched Matt’s elbow. Matt smiled, and it was clear he knew this man. Bucky felt jealousy boiling up inside of him. The party had gotten crowded, especially so close to the dance floor. The man had his back to the camera, but Bucky could tell he had wide shoulders and thick biceps. “Can we get a better shot on that?” Bucky growled.

“Unfortunately not,” the kid replied. “We’re limited to the cameras that Rand has set up.”

“Fuck.” Bucky watched the man take Matt’s drink out of his hand, and place it on the tray of a passing waiter. The man stepped closer to Matt, invading his space. He lifted Matt’s hand and whispered something in his ear. Bucky couldn’t breath. He couldn’t look away as the man slid his hand up Matt’s arm until it rested on his elbow. Matt smiled. Bucky felt like his heart was trying to climb up and exit his body through his throat. 

The man lead Matt gently out onto the dance floor. Bucky couldn’t move. The man, face still hidden, pulled Matt close to him and began to sway. The van was deadly silent. Even Frank had stopped moving, and was transfixed watching Bucky stare at the screen. 

Matt laughed, and Bucky bristled. The man was whispering in his ear again, and Bucky got a glimpse of his profile - strong jawline, dark stubbly beard… it looked familiar, and not in a comforting way. Bucky watched in horror as the man pulled back again, cupping Matt’s chin. Everything seemed to be moving in slow motion as the man… and… oh god. Bucky could see his face now. Could see it clearly. How could he have missed it before. The shape of his shoulders. The cut of his hair. The way he carried himself. It was all the same. Bucky could hear himself talking - giving orders. They needed to move. They needed to get in there now. He couldn’t tear himself away from the screen. The man’s hand came up Matt’s arm and Bucky thought he saw the glint of metal. A needle. Matt went limp just as the man pressed their lips together. 

The man looked straight into the camera, and an evil grin filled his face. His face that was smooth and unscarred. He winked, then draped Matt’s arm around his shoulder and pulled him off the dance floor.

How had Bucky let this happen?

And now Matt was being dragged away. 

By Brock Rumlow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...I have no work to cite today...
> 
> Please yell at me in the comments.


	10. No Fucking Sense of Self Preservation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter took a bit longer to post than usual. I definitely pushed myself outside of my comfort zone, but this is something I've been wanting to do since I started this series and I'm very happy with how it came out. If you like it (and I think you'll know what I'm getting at when you read it!!) please consider taking a moment to say something in the comments. It would very much make my day!

Bucky was out of the van and through the doors of the Rand Enterprises building before he realized it. It was only when he heard the screams of Danny’s guests - the regular ones, not the evil Hydra clones - that he realized what they must look like. The Winter Soldier - a machine gun in his hands and an automatic pistol strapped to each thigh plus one more between his shoulder blades. On one side of him, The Punisher - officially deceased but clearly not hiding with the well recognized skull emblazoned on his chest, an automatic rifle casually resting against his shoulder and a pump-action shotgun slung across his back. On the other side, Hawkeye - dressed in all black, hood over his head, bow loaded with what Bucky recognized as an exploding arrow, even if the civilians wouldn’t, and a sword strapped alongside his quiver full of arrows. Also, when had Clint started using a fucking sword? 

“Everyone, I need you to calm down and be quiet,” Bucky heard Clint yell. The band had stopped playing abruptly and his voice carried well through the space. “Official Avengers’ business.”

Bucky looked and saw Danny standing at the edge of the room, fist glowing. Masque and Sitwell were pressed up against a wall in front of him. “Stay with them,” Bucky barked at him. “Which way did the others go.”

Danny gestured with his head, wide eyed. “Wait!!” he shouted after them. 

Bucky didn’t hear. He was already running in the direction given, Clint and Frank close at his heels, down a darkened hallway and out a side exit onto the street. 

An empty street.

“Fuck!” Bucky shouted. He pressed a finger to his ear. “Pete can you hear me?”

“Yeah, Mr. Barnes,” came the voice from the other end.

“Get traffic cam footage up right now. Find out where they went.”

“We’re on it, sir.”

“Now, Pete!”

The line was silent for a moment. Then, “I’m sorry, Mr. Winter Soldier sir.” It was the other kid.  _ Ned _ , his brain finally supplied. “Please don’t kill me, but it looks like all the traffic cams have been disabled in the area. We’ve got nothing.”

“Fuck! All right then, plan B.” Bucky turned on his heel, slid Deloris over his shoulder, pulled a knife out of his suit, and headed back into the building. He walked over to where Danny was still holding Masque and Sitwell at bay. Most of the other guests were gone, but a few were still hovering around, staring.  _ No fucking sense of self preservation.  _ “Get them out of here,” he said to Danny, gesturing back at the gawking civilians. “I’ve got these two.” He casually flipped the knife in his hand, then stepped forward to place his metal hand on the wall to the left of Masque’s head, pinning her between Sitwell and his arm. His eyes narrowed in on Sitwell, as he moved the knife in his right hand towards him.

“How does this work? I know you’re a clone. Do you remember me?” Bucky asked. He pressed the knife so tightly against Sitwell’s throat that it scraped the man’s Adam’s apple when he swallowed, and a small trickle of blood ran down the front of his neck. “Do you have all of his memories? Do you remember what it felt like when I pulled you out of that car? What it felt like to die?”

Sitwell nodded his head once, a small motion in the affirmative. 

“Good,” Bucky said with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Because I’m gonna torture both of you until you tell me where Matt is. And I know the Sitwell I killed would understand what that means. Do you?”

Sitwell nodded again.

“But she doesn’t.” Bucky continued, jerking his head at Masque. “So before I start, I want you to tell your girlfriend how much it’s going to hurt. Tell her that this is exactly what you trained me for. That it’s my specialty. Tell her how you rewarded me for doing a good job. Tell her about my speed, my accuracy. Tell her how my specialty is having it hurt just enough, but not so much that you pass out. Tell her that everybody tells me what I want to know eventually, that nobody dies until I’m ready for them to, and that they all wish they had. Tell her how good I am at everything you taught me how to do.”

“Everything he said is true.” Sitwell seemed to push himself deeper into the wall behind him.

“And you?” Bucky turned to Masque, making a ‘tsk noise with his tongue. “You’re not her, either. Not the real her. Just a clone. Another pretty face that she hides behind. Which means I don’t even have to feel bad about killing you. Not that I would. Bet she didn’t think to clone you so you couldn’t feel pain. Pity for you. Good for me.”

Masque stood up taller, jutting her chin out at Bucky in defiance. 

“So my question,” Bucky said, scratching his chin gently with his knife, “is which one of you I should start with. I’m thinking you.” He turned back to Sitwell. “Want me to tell you why? I’ve got a few reasons. First off, I know you’re no fucking gentleman. You’d let me cut your girlfriend’s pretty face right up; wouldn’t say a thing to help her. Isn’t that right?”

Sitwell was still. 

“Tell her,” Bucky growled at him. “Tell her that you wouldn’t lift a fucking finger to save her. Wouldn’t even tell me what you had for breakfast to keep her safe. Say it!”

“I wouldn’t.” Sitwell admitted, eyes fixed on Bucky’s. “I won’t.”

“Second, I’ve seen you crack under pressure before. “Only when it’s your own ass on the line, of course, but all it takes is someone throwing you off a building and you get real chatty. Maybe we could try that one again. Sam’s kinda busy though. He wouldn’t want to be bothered. We could see how it goes without him?” He paused, staring at Sitwell who shivered. “Third,” Bucky looked to Masque, holding her eyes with his own. “She’s already lost you once to me. I bet that had to hurt, huh? Watching him go like that. Did you see it on the news? I remember seeing a clip of it on tv. It really was too graphic for that, but everyone today is so desensitized to violence on the television and local channels need to keep their ratings up somehow.” Bucky sighed, as if remembering the good old days when things were simpler. He turned back to Sitwell. “Oh, and finally, fourth.” He dropped his voice, whispering, “I just really want to make it last. Last time was too short. I want to make it good for both of us.” 

The room went silent except for the sound of Sitwell’s labored breathing. Behind him, Bucky felt Clint shift slightly. He had forgotten the other two were even there. 

Madame Masque’s laugh cut through the silence. “Oh, darling,” she said with a grin. “You don’t understand what’s going on here at all, do you?”

Bucky stared at her.

She smiled at him, and it was warm and nurturing. Motherly, even. “You poor dear. You’re not going to get anything out of either of us. We’re not who you think we are. You think they’d risk resources on this? A trap this obvious? It wasn’t even worth wasting a clone.”

Bucky clenched his teeth, set his jaw, and narrowed his eyes. The knife moved swiftly from Sitwell’s throat and embedded itself into Masque’s upper arm. 

Masque smiled politely as a stream of sparks spilled out from the wound. She lifted up a hand to inspect her perfectly manicured nails, blew on them, and then rubbed them gently on the front of her dress. “Ah. Well, you see I can feel pain. But I also have access to that subroutine, so I can turn it on and off as needed.”

Next to her, Sitwell yawned, all signs of panic gone from his face and body. “That was certainly long enough, wouldn’t you say?”

She turned to him. “Yes, of course sweetheart. They’re long gone.” She turned back to Bucky, who couldn’t hide the look of shock on his face. Masque smiled again, friendly, and then both she and Sitwell went perfectly still.

“What the fuck?” Frank cursed behind them.   
  
“LMDs,” Clint answered. “Life Model Decoys. They’re like really fancy robots.”

Bucky took a step back. He unholstered the pistol from his side and pointed it at Sitwell.

“Bucky…” 

Clint wasn’t even able to get the word out before Bucky fired, the bullet striking the Sitwell LMD directly between the eyes. Bucky fired again, and again, and again, until the LMD was full of perfectly placed holes and Bucky’s gun was empty of bullets. He let the gun drop to the floor, then reached for its partner holstered on his opposite thigh.

“Stop.” Danny’s voice was relaxed. He reached out a hand and placed it on Bucky’s arm.

Bucky jumped at the touch, turning to face Danny, a mix of anger and grief playing across his face.

“I think you’ve put enough holes in my building,” Danny said with a smile. “They’re gone.” He held out his hand. “Danny Rand, the Immortal Iron Fist. Very nice to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot…”

“Matt’s gone, too,” Bucky growled, taking a step towards Danny.

Danny raised his hands and took a step backwards. “Yeah, I know, man. But it’s ok. Just take a breath.”

“Ok. Ok?!” Bucky laughed and it was a terrifying noise. “Your childish plan got him taken by Hydra and you’re saying it’s ok? What about this made you think it would be successful? They said it themselves; it was an obvious trap.” He gestured back at the two ex-LMDs standing against the wall. Sitwell was leaking some sort of clear fluid from the bullet holes. Masque’s knife wound let out an occasional weak spray of sparks. “And now what? They’re useless and Rumlow and the others are gone and we don’t fucking know where Matt went.”

Danny blinked at him, obviously trying not to look offended and failing miserably. “The plan worked,” he said after a moment. “Sure, it all happened a little faster than expected, but outside of that it went exactly like Matt thought it would. Who’s Rumblow? Is that the name of the guy who drugged Matt?”

Bucky couldn’t speak. He clenched his fists and ground his teeth. 

“Are you telling me,” Frank broke the silence behind them, “That Red meant to get himself taken?”

“Yeah,” Danny answered as if it were the most obvious thing. “I mean, it would have been great if Masque had revealed something here, but we certainly weren’t expecting that to happen. She’s too smart. But then Jessica saw that the new guy - he called himself Fragg, the one who took Matt - he had pictures of you and Matt together in a folder.” He gestured at Bucky. “We knew that these guys had it in for you, so Matt figured that they were probably going to try to come after you through him. Jessica followed Fragg and when he showed up at Matt’s work… well, it was pretty obvious that the guy was going to try to seduce him. And this party gave him a great opportunity. Matt’s wearing a tracker; all we need to do is follow it and it will take us to wherever Masque took him.”

“So follow it! What are we waiting for?”

Danny’s smile was quickly wiped from his face when he realized Bucky wasn’t joking. “It… it doesn’t work like that. It’s not on.”

“What do you mean it’s not on?” Clint asked.

“Well, I mean… we know where all their bases are. That’s not the point of the mission. If the tracker was active, they’d notice it for sure. I’m sure they’ve already scanned him for any technology. It had to be completely dormant.”

“What is the point of the mission?”

Danny’s fist began to glow instinctively at the threat in Bucky’s voice. “To get information. He’s got a special USB key fob that I had Rand design for him. He just needs to plug it into their system and then it will allow us to access everything they have.”

“They’ll see it.”

“Doesn’t matter. It’s a virus that downloads almost instantly. It only needs to be plugged in for six seconds to be effective.”

“Six seconds is a long fucking time…”

Danny looked Bucky up and down as if seeing him for the first time. “Damn, I always thought Matt was exaggerating. You really don’t trust him, do you? You know he can take care of himself, right?”

Danny was fast, but Bucky was faster. And, while he’d been aiming for Danny’s face, the force of the blow that Bucky landed on his shoulder made Danny stagger backwards. He crouched down slightly and centered himself, hands in front of his chest, moving only to block the blows that Bucky was raining down on him. Another got past, striking Danny in the chest and knocking the wind out of him. 

“Don’t you fucking talk about him,” Bucky spat out. “You let him get taken!” 

“He let himself get taken,” Danny countered. He fought back, dropping down and kicking Bucky’s feet out from underneath him. Bucky dropped and rolled to his knees, springing back up to his feet in one fluid motion. He reached forward, picking Danny up by his white collar and throwing him back against a table. Wine glasses were knocked to the floor, shattering. 

“Bucky, stop!” Clint shouted from the sidelines, but Bucky didn’t hear him. He was moving quickly towards Danny, building up momentum, and he pulled back his fist to strike just as Danny did the same. 

Vibranium met mystical iron, and a golden shockwave tore through the building knocking both men backwards, flipping over furniture, and shattering windows. The bar that had been set up for the evening’s festivities exploded into shards of glass, alcohol flying everywhere. Across the room, Frank and Clint were knocked unconscious. 

“Holy shit what the fuck was that?” Bucky asked, sitting up and rubbing the back of his head. He had landed on the ground about 15 feet from Danny. “How did you do that?”

“I’m the Immortal Iron Fist,” Danny responded, as if that were an answer. He rotated his shoulder, trying to pop it back into its socket. “What is your arm made out of?” 

“Vibranium.” Bucky stood up and walked over to Danny, who was still sitting on the ground looking up at him warily. His hair and tux were disheveled. Bucky reached out his hand, which Danny took, and then hoisted him up to his feet. Bucky stared at the kid for a moment. “Now what?”

“Now we wait.”

“I can’t…” Bucky took a deep breath and lowered his voice. “We can’t wait. I appreciate what you were trying to do. I do. But these people… They will kill him without a moment’s hesitation.”

“No, they won't,” Danny answered. He walked over to check on Frank and Clint, who were still unconscious.

“You don’t know them.”

Danny sighed. “No, maybe we don’t.” He picked up Clint’s hand and rubbed it in his own. “And I agree that it would have been a lot better had Matt talked to you about the whole thing. I asked him to many times.” Danny paused as Clint started to wake up. “You’re ok, man. Sorry about that. I’m Danny.”

Clint sat up, pushing Danny away from him with a look of disgust. “Clint,” he finally muttered back.

Danny smiled and nodded, then moved to Frank while continuing to talk to Bucky. “But they’re not going to kill him. They want him alive. They don’t realize who he is… the other part of him. They think he’s just your blind lawyer boyfriend.” Frank woke up with a jerk, and Danny ducked easily under his fist as he lashed out. “Hey Frank. Good to see you again, too.” Back to Bucky: “They want to use him to get to you, so they need him alive. He’s bait.”

***

Matt woke up slowly, a low dull ache running through his entire body. He was tied to a chair. It was too hard under him. The ropes around his ankles were too rough. The cuffs around his wrists were wide and metal, connected by a heavy chain. Some idiot had taken his glasses and blindfolded him, and wasn’t that a fucking insult. The blindfold was rough and it smelled bad. Matt stayed perfectly still, assessing the room around him. He didn’t want them to know he was awake yet. The room itself was totally empty except for the chair he was tied to and a camera attached to the ceiling. The camera was large and boxy, clearly old, and it wasn’t making any noise or giving off any heat which told Matt it wasn’t on.

_ Good. Helpful.  _

Dust and cobwebs pooled in the corners of the room, and along the wall behind him. The air smelled stale. There wasn’t any scent of blood or sweat. There was a drain in the middle of the floor, but it was completely dry. Clearly nobody but him had been in this cell for quite some time.  _ Years, likely. _ The floors and walls and ceiling were all concrete. He pushed his senses past the concrete structure and found only dirt. They were clearly underground.  _ A bunker of some sort.  _

There was air coming down from the ceiling and Matt focused on it. The vent was too small to be useful, connected to a pipe not much bigger than his forearm. The only way out was through the door directly in front of him, which lead into a narrow hallway. Matt could hear the two guards outside his door. One of them was distracted, tapping away on his phone. The other was chewing gum loudly. Both had their weapons holstered. 

They didn’t consider him a threat.

_ Good. _

The door itself was metal, and thick. The square block of warmth at doorknob level told Matt that there was an electronic locking system. He knew he couldn’t break through either the door or the lock. He’d have to wait for someone to open it from the outside.

Matt focused on the space outside his cell, on the other side of the door, listening to the air move through the empty spaces, creating a map in his head. He was on one end of an underground compound. 

The door in front of him led into a narrow hallway not much bigger than the door itself. The two guards stood side by side in said hallway, and occupied almost the full width. They had the same tone in their breathing as Fragg had, just a little wrong, a tone that Matt now used to identify them as clones. He pushed past them with his senses. The hallway went straight forward for about thirty feet, then ended where it met a perpendicular hallway which stretched about fifty feet in either direction. That hallway made up one side of a rectangle, about 100 feet by 200 feet, and each side had a hallway branching off it leading to a room like his own - none of which seemed to be occupied. In the center of the rectangle of hallways was the control room.

Matt could sense 30 people in the compound. The majority of them had the same soft whirring noise as Masque and Sitwell, which Matt knew meant they were LMDs. That was good, Matt decided. It meant he didn’t have to hold back. He didn’t have to worry about killing them. Ten of them appeared to be clones and that gave Matt pause. Did a clone have a soul? A robot was programed - a thing. But a clone, Matt decided, deserved a chance at redemption. He’d need to pay attention. To be careful. 

Matt heard footsteps approaching his room. He focused. It was a man. A clone.  _ Damn.  _ He breathed in deeply, recognized the scent.

The door opened.

“Hey baby.” His voice was overconfident and sickly smooth. “You miss me? Sorry we had to cut our dance short.”

“Joshua.”

“Oh sweetheart,” he stepped closer to Matt and dragged his fingers through Matt’s hair. “I’m ready for you to call me by my real name, ok? It’s Brock. Can you say that for me? Want to hear you say it.”

Matt set his jaw and did his best to glare out from under the blindfold. “Brock,” he said coldly. He knew the name. He didn’t know anything about this man, but he’d heard James call his name out in terror in his sleep. 

Brock smiled lazily, fisting his hand in Matt’s hair. “Baby, I know you can do better than that. I thought we had something. Say it like you mean it.”

Matt ground his teeth and jutted out his chin, reconsidering his stance on killing clones. 

“I’ve watched you,” Brock continued. “I’ve seen how he treats you. God, it’s so clear to anyone what you want. What you need. I can give that to you. He’ll never be able to. You wanna know why? Want to know how I know that?” Brock leaned forward, brushing Matt’s ear with his lips. They were rough and Matt fought the urge to turn his head and bite a chunk out of this man’s face. “Because what you want, he wants too. Wants it bad. I gave it to him for years. I can give it to you, too. Do you want that, baby?” 

Matt felt the cuffs connecting his wrists strain as he pulled against them subconsciously, the metal digging into his skin. It hurt. Matt wanted it to keep hurting, as his body reacted with the overwhelming desire to punch Brock in the face until the man stopped speaking. Or breathing. “Yeah,” he managed to growl out. “Untie me and let me show you how much I want that.” 

Brock laughed. “Well you’re a little spitfire, aren’t you? No wonder Bucky likes you. I’ll be back later. Maybe you’ll be more likely to take me seriously after thinking about it for a while.”

Matt listened to Brock’s steps as he exited, the heavy door closing behind him with a loud thud that sent shockwaves through the small room. 

“Fuck,” Matt muttered under his breath. He hadn’t even remembered to ask Joshua…  _ Brock,  _ he corrected himself, to take the fucking blindfold off of him. It itched his face and wasn’t doing anything anyway. 

He breathed deeply, trying to center himself. Carefully, he drew all of his attention to the rope binding his right ankle. He felt it, listened to it, smelled it. He flexed and released the muscles in his foot, testing it. He switched to his left ankle, repeating the tests. He smiled. There was a tiny flaw… He wiggled his foot, adjusting the rope around his ankle, positioning it just right, then pulled the weakest point across the corner of the chair leg it was tied to. The rope didn’t snap, but it stretched enough. Matt wedged his heel up against the chair leg and slid out of his shoe, then slowly slid his foot up and out of the rope. 

Matt sat still for a while after that, his ankle throbbing from the exertion and contortion. Nobody came in to check on him, further confirming his theory that the camera pointed at him wasn’t turned on.

He had one leg free. It wasn’t much, but it was something. He tested the cuffs again, but they didn’t budge.

_ Patience. _

Matt worked for a while at slipping his foot back into his shoe, then returned his focus to the compound itself. In addition to the four interrogation rooms and the control room in the center of the complex, there were four more rooms - one off each corner. Two appeared to be sleeping quarters, lined with bunks. The third appeared to be a gym, and the fourth a mess hall of some sort. Most of the LMDs were in the control room, with a few walking the hallways. Specifically, the hallway on the other end of the rectangle from Matt was heavily guarded, and when he focused his attention there he found the door to the control room. It had a lock like the one on his own room, rectangular and warm. Inside the control room itself, Matt could sense a large rectangular shaft stretching up to the surface. An elevator shaft.

_ Bingo. _

He sat back into the hard metal chair and allowed himself to relax. The chair was bolted to the ground, he realized. His head was pounding. He tried to rub his forehead and flinched, remembering the cuffs around his wrists. He sighed, then allowed himself to retreat into his own mind, gathering strength for what was coming next.

Matt suspected several hours had passed when he finally heard someone new approaching his cell. He was headed from the mess hall, a bowl of something that was probably supposed to pass as stew in his hands. Matt listened closely. It was an LMD.  _ Good. _ The man had a gun and a knife holstered on his left thigh. Matt schooled his features into one of innocence and fear, and made sure his left foot was pressed tightly against the chair leg. He listened to the man approach the door. He’d been too distracted by recognition when Brock had approached to pay attention when he’d entered, but Matt needed to know how the door locks worked if he was going to make it into the control room. He listened to the man push his hand up against the panel next to the door.  _ Some sort of scanner. Perfect. _

The door opened and the man entered. “You’re supposed to eat,” he said gruffly. 

“Please, why am I here?” Matt asked, allowing himself to sound just a little panicked. “I’m a lawyer. You can’t detain me like this. I know my rights…”

The man scoffed. “This ain’t the police. You don’t have any rights here. Eat.”

“How can I…” Matt yanked weakly at his cuffs and they rattled. “Please. Take these off. And the blindfold, too. It’s not doing anything, you know. I’m blind. I can’t see without it anyway. And, yeah, I’m scared. I’m no threat to you. Please just tell me what’s happening.”

The man took a moment to assess him. His pulse sped up slightly.  _ Why do LMD’s have a pulse, _ Matt thought.  _ And is he having an emotional reaction? Fuck.  _ He didn’t have the luxury of thinking about that. He couldn’t. Not if he wanted to get out of there. The man walked behind him and unlocked the cuffs. Matt moved slowly, arms sore, and rubbed his wrists.

“You really blind?” the man asked.

“Yeah,” Matt answered, pulling off the blindfold. You got a flashlight or something? You can shine it in my eyes and see for yourself. They won’t react at all.”

“Nah,” the guard responded. “I can see enough from here. Your eyes are all freaky and dead anyway.”

_ Fucking rude,  _ Matt thought to himself, trying not to react with his face. 

“Hold out your hands,” the guard said.

Matt did, and the bowl of stew was placed into them. Steam rose up from it, filling Matt’s mouth and nose. He could taste that it was laced with drugs.

“Can you feed yourself ok?”

This time Matt knew he reacted with his face. “Yeah,” he answered.  _ Fucking ableist bastard.  _ He took a small bite of the stew. It tasted terrible and was far too hot. “What’s your name,” he asked the guard.

“None of your fucking business.”

“Ok, sorry.” Matt took another bite, trying not to flinch. “Listen, I’m just trying to figure out what’s going on. One minute I’m at a client’s party, the next I’m here, I don’t understand what’s…” he threw the bowl of scalding hot stew into the man’s face, then quickly dropped to untie the rope around his right ankle while the man screamed. There wasn’t enough time. The two guards rushed in and Matt lashed out at them, kicking the first with his free leg and knocking him into the second. The LMD who had brought him the stew was coming back towards Matt, and Matt grabbed him by his fist, twisting it behind his back. With his other hand Matt pulled the knife and the gun out of the man’s holster. The guards were on their feet again, lifting their own weapons, and Matt dropped down to the ground, quickly cutting his right leg free. He rolled, taking out both guards with a swoop of his legs. Matt disarmed all three men, then he bolted out the door. He turned left without thinking. The sleeping quarters were in that direction, and they had been empty most of the time. He was just about to turn down the longer corridor when he heard the men radio to the control room about his escape.

Matt paused briefly, catching a whiff of putrid air. It was coming from a small vent to his right. A garbage chute.  _ Perfect _ . He dropped the three guns down it, and started to move down the long hallway, more slowly this time. The three men from his cell were coming up behind him. Six guards were approaching him from the front. They could only fit two by two in the narrow hallway. All of them were LMDs, not that Matt was sure it mattered anymore. The first two raised their weapons. Matt raised his hands and slowed further, continuing to walk towards them. “Don’t shoot,” he said. “I’m just trying to figure out why I’m…”

“Shut the fuck up,” one of the six shouted at him. “Get down on your knees!”

Matt paused, unmoving.

“I said get down on your knees.”

Matt waited.

“Do what I fucking…!”

Matt started to run towards the six. The two men at the front of the line fired a barrage of bullets. Matt dropped to the ground, and the bullets struck the three men from his cell who were just rounding the corner.  _ Not my fault!  _ Matt thought, as he slid into the two guards who had fired, latching his arms around their kneecaps and bending them backwards. The two men collapsed to the ground and Matt punched their faces with all of his strength before standing and attacking the two men behind them in the same way. Those two dropped as well. The final two men were on him immediately, and Matt ducked to avoid the first man’s blow, taking it in the shoulder instead. He grabbed the man’s wrist and held on tight as he flipped himself off the wall next to him, twisting the man’s shoulder out of his socket. The man wailed and Matt grabbed him by the back of his head and forcefully shoved his face into the face of the second still standing guard. Both men went still and dropped to the ground. 

Matt panted, tasting blood at the corner of his mouth. He felt blood trickling down the side of his face. He wasn’t even sure when he’d been hit. He continued forward, staggering slightly but not slowing. When he turned the next corner again, he was moving full speed and ran, shoulders first into the three guards protecting the door to the control room. Alarms were blaring now, and Matt let out a guttural scream, throwing himself into the fight. He got ahold of a hand belonging to one of the guards, and pressed it into the control panel. He fell backwards, being pushed through the door, with two guards falling on top of him. One managed to place a solid hit on Matt’s jaw and he heard it crack, felt the bone splinter. He threw the men off of him, flipping to his feet and throwing, in rapid succession, the three knives he had taken from the original three guards into three clones raising weapons across the room. Each struck precisely in the hand, forcing the clones to drop their weapons. Matt cocked his head and cracked his shoulders, taking out the two LMDs behind him with a kick to the chest and a fist to the jaw. He dove for the nearest computer, pulling the flash drive out of a hidden pocket, and struggled to find the port to plug it in. Finally, he heard the soft beep that Danny set to tell him the virus was working and the tracking device had been activated. Matt stood, slowly, fists at the ready. All he had to do now was guard this computer for six seconds, and then survive until backup arrived. He spat on the floor and grinned, knowing his teeth were coated in blood. 

_ Childsplay.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, it wouldn't be Daredevil without a hallway fight, right? Hopefully I did it some level of justice? Please let me know what you thought! If you haven't done so already, please also consider leaving Kudos. That little email in the morning always makes me grin like a crazy person!! 
> 
> Thanks and love as always go to Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat!


	11. Kind Of An Idiot

Bucky was pacing. He looked at his phone for the twenty-seventh time. It had been two hours.  _ Two fucking hours. Didn’t anyone understand the things that Brock Rumlow could do with Matt over the course of two fucking hours?!?! _

“Rand!”

Danny looked up at him from where he was crouched over the ground. He had changed into jeans and a green t-shirt, and was now picking up shards of glass and placing them into a cloth napkin. “Please just call me Danny?” he asked again.

“What the fuck is the plan here?”

Danny sighed. “I told you, we’re waiting for Matt’s signal.”

“We’ve been waiting for two hours. And aren’t you fabulously wealthy? Don’t you have people to do that shit for you?” Bucky gestured at the glass that Danny was slowly cleaning.

“I do, but it gives me something to do with my hands. It helps me focus, which calms me. Would you like to help?”

“I fucking would not.” Bucky went back to pacing. 

“Look, we expected this. It was never going to be fast. We mapped out a few places they might take him - all were well outside of the city.” Danny stood and deposited the napkin’s contents into a garbage can. He brushed his hands on his pants and looked at the three men sitting in his building. Bucky looked like a caged animal - hair and eyes wild, hands and feet moving constantly. Frank was sitting at a table, cleaning his guns, and Danny wondered if it was possible for a gun to be too clean. Clint had managed to find his way up onto a high window ledge and was staring out the window onto the lower Manhattan street below. Danny sighed. “So you guys are coming with when we go to pick him up then?”

“Kid’s a fucking genius,” Frank muttered, not looking up from his gun. “They teach you that in monk school?” 

Clint snorted, never turning away from the window.

“Alright.” Danny scratched his forehead. “I’m going to go meet up with Colleen. You can stay here if you want, or leave. The others are supposed to get here in an hour. I’ll be back with food then.”

“The others?” Bucky asked. 

Yeah.” Danny sighed again. “Listen, I know you think I just abandoned Matt, but that’s not the case at all. He… We had to fight for this much. He wanted to do the whole thing on his own. He wanted to just let himself get taken and fight whoever he woke up to. When he realized they were after you… that they were trying to use him to get to you… He snapped. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. But the only way we convinced him to include us at all was by reminding him that they’d probably take him somewhere outside of the city and he’d need a way to get back home. So, yeah. Jessica, Colleen, and Luke will be here later, and we’ve got a chopper waiting on the roof.”

Bucky sat down at a table and dropped his head into his hands.

“I know it’s different for you, but you do not have a monopoly on anxiety here. You’re not the only one upset. Do you realize we all already watched him die once?” Danny continued, not looking up, emotion finally creeping into his voice. “I watched a building fall on him. An entire building. Do you have any idea what that felt like? He let a building fall on him because it was the only way to save our lives. To save MY life. And he doesn’t even like me that much! He’s an idiot and a martyr and he loves you. So don’t tell me that I should have done more. I wish I could have. I really do. I have no desire to be responsible for him dying twice.” Danny paused and looked over the three of them. He tossed Frank a stack of key cards then walked out the front door, talking back to them over his shoulder as he left: “Those will open the front door and get you onto the elevator if you if you decide to leave and come back. Meet us on the roof at midnight.” 

The room was silent for a long time, except for the sound of Frank cleaning his guns. Clint was staring out the window. Bucky was thinking about the things Matt had told him about how much he hated flying. He could feel every bump of turbulence. The inside of the cabin was too echoey, filled with too many voices. The scent of dirty, recycled air being pumped through the overhead fans overwhelmed him. Bucky wondered if a helicopter would be better or worse. There would be fewer people, but it was a rougher ride and the spinning blades were loud. He was considering the pros and cons of commandeering a Quinjet for the evening when Frank’s voice broke into his thoughts. 

“Red’s gonna be ok.”

Bucky looked up at him, blinking back tears. “You don’t know that.”

“Of course not. We never do. Nobody does.” Frank was staring intently at his gun. “But I’m always going to bet on Matt, regardless of the fight. He’s an idiot. He’s pompus and he’s obnoxious and he’s arrogant as fuck. He’s got a superiority complex a mile long, and he doesn’t know when to stop moralizing, and…”

“Frank,” Clint said softly.

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. My point is, he can back it all up. He doesn’t know how to stay down.” Frank let out a short laugh. “Hell, bastard will probably have the entire place cleaned up by the time we get there. Jess is gonna be so mad at him; she’s always gunnin’ for a good fight.” 

Bucky opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by Clint who was once again staring out the window. 

“Speaking of Jessica, she’s here.” Clint groaned, “and Kate is with her.” 

“No. Absolutely not! It’s completely out of the question.” Jessica was shouting as she burst through the front doors. “He wanted to keep you out of this. That’s why he didn’t say anything. He wanted to keep all of you sa…” she trailed off, seeing Bucky sitting, staring up at her wide eyed. “Oh, god dammit.”

“Bucky, tell her I can come with,” Kate whined. 

“She can’t come with,” Jessica told him. 

“You are not in charge of me!” Kate shot back.

“Maybe I should be, if you’re going to make terrible choices.”

“I’m not making terrible choices! We should be working together not excluding people!!”

“She’s right about that.”

Bucky jerked his head over to the new voice. Wade was standing in the middle of the room, staring at him. Or, at least Bucky assumed he was staring. His mask was on which made it a little hard to tell where the man was looking. “How did you get in here?”

Wade shrugged. “Doesn’t matter. It was dramatic. Anyway, you should have told us. We deserve to be a part of this.”

Bucky shook his head. “I didn’t know either. It all happened so fast. And now… The Rand kid says we’re taking a chopper to go pick him up. We can’t all fit on a chopper.”

“As long as nobody else unexpected shows up, I think we’re still ok,” Danny answered, walking back in with Colleen Wing on one side of him and Luke Cage on the other. Luke was carrying four overstuffed plastic bags full of take-out cartons, and Danny had three more. 

Danny swiped his keycard and pushed a button, and somewhere high in the building Bucky heard an elevator come to life and move quickly toward them. “There’s a heated gazebo on the roof,” Danny said. “We can eat up there.”

The mismatched team moved onto the elevator when t he doors opened, and as they c losed Bucky took a moment to assess them all together. They were a fucking mess. Danny had put on a brown duster jacket and, Bucky noted, had two pistols tucked into a holster around his waist… which was unexpected but helpful. Luke was in jeans and a black hoodie - no weapons. Colleen was in a white tracksuit ( _ stealthy,  _ Bucky thought sarcastically) and a puffy coat with a fur collar. She had a katana across her back. Jessica was wearing jeans, a black leather jacket, and a gray scarf. Kate was wearing a purple jumpsuit, but at least it looked warmer than the one Bucky was used to - the one with the ridiculous hip cut-outs. Her bow and arrows were slung casually over her shoulder.

_ Why the fuck don’t any of these people have proper tac gear?  _ Bucky wondered to himself, making a mental note to look into that later. He’d get to it, he thought, after he got Matt back. After he got Matt back, fucked him senseless, and locked him away somewhere that he could never pull shit like this again, THEN he would get them all proper gear for fighting in. And some weapons. 

They rode in silence, the elevator moving quickly to its destination.

“What the fuck is this?” Bucky asked as the doors opened, revealing an enormous white helicopter with a black Rand logo on the side. “Is this an extraction or a sightseeing tour?”

Danny sighed. “It’s what we have, ok? It shouldn’t matter anyway. If everything has gone to plan, they’ll know we’re coming. We’re not counting on the element of surprise.”

_ When do things ever go to plan?  _ Bucky thought, but he kept it to himself. 

“Plus it will fit all of us,” Danny said cheerily, setting the food down. There was an enclosed gazebo on the roof with tables inside, and they stepped in. It was heated inside, almost hot compared to the cold wind whipping across the roof, and Danny started pushing the tables together to create one big one. “That thing seats nine, including the pilot and copilot who are on their way. There are eight of us, plus Matt will make nine.”

“There are nine of us,” Colleen said gently. “Matt will make ten.”

“Oh…” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Bucky interrupted. “I’m flying,” 

Danny looked like he wanted to argue, then decided against it. “Ok, sure man. Whatever you want. You still need a copilot or…?”

“I can handle it,” Clint said. “I can take over as pilot if needed, too. On the way back.”

Bucky glared at him, but said nothing. Of course it was good to have a backup, but he didn’t like the implication that he might not be able to do his job.

“Dibs on the extra seat,” Luke added. 

Jessica scoffed.

“What? Airline seats were not made with these hips in mind.”

The two smiled fondly at each other, and Danny shook his head and punched Luke playfully on the shoulder. For a moment, Bucky stopped walking, watching them. He had made a point of getting to know Matt’s friends. He spent time with Foggy and Marci and Karen… But these were Matt’s friends too, and he hardly knew them. Sure, they’d spent some time with Jessica, but that was mostly through Kate not Matt. And they’d gone to Luke’s bar in Harlem a few times…  _ Not Matt’s friends,  _ his brain suddenly supplied, and it all started to make sense.  _ These aren’t Matt’s friends. Not exactly. These are Daredevil’s friends. _

The others sat down and began to eat. Bucky wasn’t sure the last time he’d eaten, not including Frank’s spumoni ice cream, but he couldn’t. Not now. His stomach was doing backflips. The realization that he had been keeping half of Matt at arm’s length for over a year now was settling like lead under his skin. They needed to go. It was too hot in the gazebo. He didn’t like it. It was relaxing and he wanted to feel tense. He slipped outside and moved to inspect the helicopter so that he wouldn’t start pacing again. 

Bucky was going through his pre-flight checklist for the fourth time when the cheerful voice rang out next to him, making him jump and bump his head on overhead console. 

“Hey Mr. B!”

“Christ, kid.” Bucky rubbed his head and sighed at the blue and red clad figure next to him. “I thought you went home.”

“I took Ned home,” Pete said, retracting his mask. “But I can’t stay home when Matt might need me. He and I are a team.”

The words bit into Bucky, but there wasn’t time for him to react or respond before Clint was jumping up into the copilot’s chair. He gave Pete a once over. “Get yourself buckled in, kid. It’s go time.”

Bucky started the helicopter as Frank sat himself in the third seat in the cockpit. Pete scrambled into the back, first looking at Luke who very clearly indicated that, no, Pete could not sit in the empty seat next to him. Instead, he slid in next to Wade who moved over to give him the window. Bucky felt the calmness that always came with having a mission wash over him, replacing the anxiety, as he opened the throttle, pulled up on the collective, and felt the copter begin to lift up off the ground. 

“It’s not far,” Danny shouted over the roar of the engines. He passed a pad with a blinking red location up to Frank, who passed it forward to Clint. Bucky glanced over at it and grunted. They should get there in less than twenty minutes. The way Bucky flew, he figured he could get it under fifteen.

Twelve minutes later, just slightly before 1:00 am, they were touching down in a clearing in rural Pennsylvania. 

The moon was bright as Bucky landed on the edge of a small clearing in the woods. He thought for a moment, then pulled the rotor break bringing the blades to a screeching halt. On one hand, he wanted to have the copter ready to go as fast as possible, but on the other hand he didn’t know what the sound of a helicopter, much less the wind being blown off of it, might do to Matt’s senses. 

It was cold. The ground was half frozen and crunched loudly as they climbed out of the cabin. 

“Where is he?” Bucky asked, panic rising again. 

“He should be right here,” Danny said, looking down at the pad Clint had handed back to him after they’d landed. 

“If they found the tracker - took it off…”

“Shut up, all of you,” Frank interrupted as three loud cracks rang through the night.

Gunfire.

“This way!” Bucky took off running into the woods, and the others followed.

There were no more shots fired, but the sounds of fists on skin grew louder as they got deeper into the woods. The moon shone through the bare branches, and Bucky could see the fight as they approached - Matt surrounded by five dark figures, glasses and tuxedo jacket gone, hair disheveled, blood dripping down his face and seeping through his white shirt. He lifted his face and, for a moment, it seemed to Bucky as if their eyes met. Then he smiled a terrifying smile and attacked the men surrounding him. 

He was tired. Bucky could see that he was tired - so much of his grace was gone as he lashed out at the bodies around him, moving less like a ninja and more like a boxer, shoulders hunched, fists in front of him, yet never stopping. Four men dropped before the fifth man’s fist met the side of Matt’s jaw and Matt crumpled to the forest floor. He immediately pushed himself up to his knees, grabbed the man’s feet out from underneath him, and yanked him to the ground. The man’s head struck the dirt with a dull thud and he went still just as Bucky reached them. Bucky lifted Matt up from the ground and pressed their lips together desperately. He felt almost overwhelming relief when Matt kissed back, pushing himself into Bucky’s personal space, hands hot and possessive on Bucky’s back. 

Matt pulled away just slightly. “Soon,” he whispered into Bucky’s mouth. “There are more coming.”

Bucky nodded, and Matt let go of him. Matt moved, never completely losing contact with Bucky, until they were back to back. He felt Matt’s body go tense behind him as he prepared for the fight that Bucky now could also hear coming. “We’ve got a helicopter not that far from here. Any chance I could convince you to go there with me now? Let everyone else handle this one?” Bucky asked quietly, already knowing the answer.

“None,” Matt whispered back. 

“Yeah, I figured as much.” Bucky raised his weapon as the next round of LMDs started to come into view. He felt Matt move away, saw him take on eight men with the same face. He watched Luke move in front of Jessica, Luke, and Colleen, blocking them from a barrage of bullets. Danny’s fist was glowing, as was Colleen’s sword. From above, a barrage of arrows and gunfire rained down, and Bucky looked up to see Wade and the Hawkeyes perched in a tree. He wished he could get Matt up there where it was safe. Instead, he switched to his sniper rifle and carefully began to pick off the men surrounding Matt. In his peripheral vision, Bucky saw Pete web four men to a tree. The battle raged and then suddenly, out of nowhere, everything was still.

Bucky watched carefully as Matt froze and cocked his head to the side, listening. He gestured to Bucky, who ran back over to him. 

“Do you trust me?” Matt asked.

“With my life.”

Matt grabbed the back of his head and pulled their faces together, kissing him hard. “We need to get out of here.”

“God, yes, please,” Bucky whispered, kissing him back.

“No.” Matt put a hand on Bucky’s chest and pushed him back. “Not like that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean…” He shook his head and took a step away from Bucky. “You need to leave your guns here and we need to go.”

Bucky stared at him. 

“Now. There isn’t much time.”

“Frank!” Bucky called out as he started to disarm, throwing his guns onto the ground. 

“There are more coming,” Matt yelled to Frank, who was moving to retrieve Bucky’s discarded arsenal. “This round is heavily armed. Get them all back to the helicopter and out of here if you can! Do not let them follow us. We’ll find a way home.” He turned to Bucky. “This way.” 

Matt headed into the forest, away from the helicopter, and Bucky followed him. He wasn’t moving as well or as fast as he should be, and when he stumbled, Bucky caught him, holding him tight. 

“We need to keep moving.” Matt coughed and it sounded wet.

“You’re hurt,” Bucky said, not letting go.

“I’ll be fine. We need to get you away from them.”

“You need to tell me what’s happening.”

Matt nodded, and they started walking again, a little slower this time. Matt was limping. “She’s making them. The LMD’s. She’s making them faster than we can fight them. When it was just me, they sent out a handful at a time, unarmed. When you showed up, they sent more and they had guns. They’re not trying to kill us. They just want to keep us busy, to wear us out.” Matt paused, leaning against a tree, grabbing his side, and gasping for breath. He spat, and Bucky could see the red of his blood on the ground in the moonlight. “It’s you that they want. They don’t care how many LMD’s they lose; they’ll just keep sending more out until we’re too exhausted to fight anymore, and then they’ll come and they’ll take you. But if I can get you away from the crowd, no guns, maybe…”

“Maybe we’ll find you?” A voice came from the darkness. Matt froze. Bucky looked at him again, and realized blood was pooling in one of his ears. He was even worse than he was letting on.

“Good work, sweetheart.” Rumlow stepped out of the shadows. “You brought him right to us, just like we wanted you to.”

Matt growled and raised his fists. Bucky felt like he was frozen.

“Oh, there’ll be none of that now.” Brock’s voice was sickly smooth. “Although, you really are quite impressive. Not quite as blind as you pretend to be, are you?” He stepped forward and cupped Matt’s jaw gently. “I’ve got something interesting for you to watch, then.”

Matt’s fist collided with Rumlow’s jaw - a vicious left hook. 

“Fuck!” Rumlow cursed, taking a step back. “You’ll pay for that.” He nodded, and three men rushed forward, grabbing Matt and forcing him down to his knees. One of them held a gun to Matt’s head. “Now pay attention. I think you’ll find this interesting” 

Rumlow took a step back and stared at Bucky. He spoke calmly and clearly:

Желание. 

Семнадцать. 

Ржавый. 

Рассвет. 

Печь. 

Девять. 

Добросердечный. 

Возвращение на родину. 

Один. 

Товарный вагон

Bucky blinked, and stood up taller. He looked at Rumlow.

And then he laughed.

Rumlow took a step back as if he’d been punched again.

“I hope you didn’t pay too much for that intelligence, Brock. That shit hasn’t worked on me for years. Baby?”

Matt grunted.

“You got one more round in you?”

“You fucking know it.” Matt clasped his left hand over the hand on his right shoulder, the hand of the man holding the gun. He stood up and flipped the man over in one fluid motion, knocking the gun out of his hands and kicking it quickly into the underbrush. 

Bucky went for the other two men behind Matt, his knife slitting the throat of one before embedding into the shoulder of the other. Matt opened his mouth to speak, then shut it quickly and nodded once as the two men turned to face Rumlow, Rollins, and the remaining seven members of STRIKE. 

“Get down!” Bucky shouted, as Rollins and another man raised their guns. He pushed Matt behind a large tree, both of them dropping to the forest floor. Bucky stood and threw three knives in rapid succession. Matt tried not to let himself be distracted by the sounds of the men hitting the ground, or by the sudden loss of three heartbeats. Bucky dropped back to the ground as more shots were fired, pulling Matt close and kissing him roughly. “Please. Stay here, at least until I disarm them. I need to know you’re ok.” 

Matt nodded, then Bucky pulled away and was running towards the remaining men, vibranium arm up protecting his face until he was too close for their guns to be useful. He slammed into one, wrapping his flesh arm around the clone’s head and breaking his neck in one motion. Matt tried not to hear the cracking of bones. Two more went down with knife wounds, and when one tried to pull a handgun on Bucky, Bucky twisted the man’s wrist, bending it, breaking it, until it was pointed into the man’s own chest. Bucky fired, and the man dropped to the ground next to his companions. 

Rumlow grabbed Bucky from behind, his own knife digging into the scarred flesh on Bucky’s left shoulder. Bucky shouted and reared back, slamming his elbow into Rumlow’s ribs. Rumlow collapsed to the ground. Bucky turned, pulling the knife out of his own back, as Rumlow jumped to his feet. His fist collided with Bucky’s face, and Bucky saw stars but didn’t stop, punching Rumlow in the face and ribs. Rumlow fought back, faster and stronger than Bucky remembered, grinning. 

Bucky was distracted. He was so focused on Rumlow, that he didn’t notice Rollins and the remaining other man headed towards Matt.

But Matt noticed. 

Every nerve in his body hurt, was screaming at him to stop, as he pushed his back against the tree and made his way up to standing. It was dark now. The moon had set. He had the advantage.

The two men moved quietly through the dense forest floor, but not silently. Matt could hear them just fine. He could hear their footsteps and their hearts pounding. He could smell the fear rolling off of them. They had underestimated him, and now they weren’t sure what he was capable of. They were afraid. He could use that to his advantage.

Matt listened to the air moving along the ground until he sensed a large rock, a little bigger than his fist, not far from his feet. He carefully bent down to pick it up, feeling his head start to spin from being lower than his heart. He had lost a lot of blood. He stood up carefully, rock in hand, and then flung it into the forest. It crashed to the ground behind the two men and they spun around to face it. 

Matt moved then, summoning every last ounce of strength he had left. He leapt onto the back of Rollins, wrapping his arms tightly around the man’s throat. The other man raised his gun and Matt twisted, wrenching himself and Rollins to the cold earth. He brought his elbow down sharply onto Rollins’ forehead, knocking the man unconscious, then launched himself forward at the other man, diving under his gun and colliding head first with his gut. Matt held the man tightly with one arm, punching him repeatedly in the kidneys and liver with the other until the man dropped his gun. Matt pushed him back, tangling the man’s feet in a knot of raised roots, and when the man fell he brought his foot down on the man’s forehead, hard. The man went still. Matt focused. He heard the heartbeats of the two men at his feet. Their breathing shallow, but there. He turned his attention towards the others, back towards where Bucky was fighting. 

Only two heartbeats remained. 

Matt allowed his mind to build an image of the other man in his head. The way he moved, the way the air moved around him. The smell of the sweat beading on his skin. 

It was Rumlow. He had fallen backwards and was on the ground at Bucky’s feet. 

Matt heard Bucky’s labored breathing, felt Bucky raise his right hand. 

A shot rang out and Matt froze. It was swiftly followed by another, and then another, and then four more in rapid succession. 

And nothing else. 

Matt collapsed to the cold ground, his legs no longer able to support him. He heard Bucky make his way back to the tree he’d left Matt behind, his heartbeat spiking when he found the hiding space empty. “I’m over here,” Matt called out weakly. 

And then Bucky was there, the distance between them covered almost instantly. He was scooping Matt up into his arms, covering him with kisses, holding him so hard it hurt Matt’s already bruised ribs. Matt didn’t complain. He wrapped his legs around Bucky’s waist and tangled his hands in his hair where it had pulled loose from the tight bun. He took control of the kiss, forcing Bucky’s mouth open and sucking his tongue into his own mouth. He pulled his body tighter against Bucky’s, feeling the hardness of the man’s tactical gear pushing into his own broken and bruised skin. He relished the pain.

Bucky raised his gun and pointed it at the man laying at his feet. Before Matt could speak, he fired once. It struck right between the eyes. Bucky turned, and pointed again at Rollins.

“Wait!” Matt gasped out. “James, please. Not him.” He reached out his hand and placed it on Bucky’s face.

Bucky stared at him, anger and pain and confusion evident in his features. For a moment Matt wondered if he’d heard him; if he’d understood. Then Bucky blinked and it was like he was waking up. His jaw softened and he let out a deep breath. He nodded once and lowered Matt to the ground. “Can you walk?” he asked. 

“Yeah.” Matt thought it was probably true. He could make it back to at least where they’d left the others. 

Bucky scooped the unconscious Rollins up and threw him over his shoulder. He supported Matt with his other arm, letting the limping man lean on him as they walked back through the forest. 

They were almost back to the others when an explosion rocked the forest. Matt screamed, grabbing his ears and falling backwards. Bucky dropped Rollins, who began to stir, and reached for Matt. “Hey. Hey, you’re ok. It’s ok. Can you hear me?” He picked up Matt’s hands and gently held them to his face, remembering the explosion at the courthouse and how disoriented Matt had been after losing his hearing.

“Yeah. Yeah, James. I’m okay,” Matt’s voice cracked and Bucky could see in his face that he was not ok. 

Rollins moved again, trying to raise himself up to fight. Bucky turned and took him down with a single fist to the jaw. “You listen here you fucking bastard,” he growled. “You’re only alive because this man asked me to let you live,” he pointed at Matt. “The rest of your team is already dead. You so much as breathe wrong and I will not hesitate to drop you where you stand. Do you understand?”

Rollins nodded. 

“Get up,” Bucky growled at him, while lifting Matt carefully up to his feet. 

“Why?” Rollins managed to choke out, looking at Matt, as he struggled to stand.

“Because you’re real,” Matt answered. “You’re not a clone or an LMD. You need to go to jail.”

“Move,” Bucky growled, poking Rollins with the gun he’d taken from Rumlow. They walked towards the explosion. 

The forest where they’d left the others was gone, replaced by a giant, smoking pit of dirt and concrete and fallen trees. 

“What the fuck…” Bucky whispered. “Where…?”

“There,” Matt pointed. The others were walking towards them making their way around the edge of the rubble. He paused and cocked his head. “It’s all of them. They’re all there.”

Bucky let out a sigh of relief.

Matt breathed in deeply, smelling the air. His eyes went wide. “What the fuck did you do, Frank?” 

“It wasn’t just him, Matty.” Wade stepped forward, mask off. He smelled like gunpowder and explosives.

“They saw your face, Red,” Frank said softly. “They had to go. All of them.” He raised his weapon and shot Rollins between the eyes. The man crumpled, hitting the ground with a low thud.

Bucky wrapped his arms tightly around Matt, keeping him from falling too, as his legs gave out from underneath him. 

  
***

The helicopter ride home was quiet, without any of the celebration that might be expected from a hard-earned victory. The plan had worked. All of Masque’s data was now in the Avengers’ hands and teams were being formed. They’d have her by the end of the day. 

Clint was flying the helicopter. Wade and Frank sat up front with him, both wanting to stay as far away from Matt as possible for his sake. Wade sat in the middle seat, with Pete’s small frame pressed up against his side. The boy was asleep, and Wade’s arm wrapped protectively around his shoulders. Kate and Jessica slept too, leaning up against each other. Luke snored, reclined against the bulkhead - legs stretched across two seats. Danny and Colleen spoke quietly, their backs turned to the seat across from them out of respect. 

Bucky held Matt in his lap, stroking his hair and murmuring to him quietly. Matt’s eyes were closed. Danny had given him something for the pain, but it wasn’t enough. They’d stitched up the bigger wounds, set a broken bone in his leg, and cleaned him up as best they could, but he’d lost excessive amounts of blood and almost certainly had a concussion, and they were all worried about what might happen if he fell asleep. 

Bucky gently lifted Matt’s hand and pressed it to his lips. “You still with me, sweetheart?” he said quietly.

Matt nodded.

“I’m gonna need you to talk to me for a while, ok? Let me know you’re not drifting off? Just until we can get you back to the city. Clint’s going to land this thing right in front of Strange’s joint and I’m gonna take you straight to Wakanda to get you all fixed up. Claire’s waitin’ on you.”

Matt winced and opened his eyes. “The Sanctum… It’s a lot, James. I don’t know if I can take it. Not like this.” 

“I’ll carry you, baby. We’ll throw some industrial strength noise cancelling headphones over your magic ears, and I’ll run you right up those stairs and through that portal into Wakanda. And then Claire’ll fix you right up, ok?”

Matt hummed. “Can I sleep now,” he asked, his voice already halfway there.

“No, no baby.” Bucky lifted his back so he was sitting a little more upright, and Matt groaned. “You gotta stay awake for me, ok? Just for a little bit longer. I know you can do it. I never…” Bucky’s voice caught in his throat. “I never let myself realize how strong you really were. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I wouldn’t see it before.”

“Well you’re kind of an idiot,” Matt said with a forced smile, eyes not opening.

“Is that so?”

“Mmhmm.” Matt pulled down Bucky’s hand and kissed it. “I kicked your ass the first night we met.” 

“You and I remember that night very differently.”

“That’s ‘cause you were drunk.” Matt sighed and brought Bucky’s hand to his chest. “Hurts,” he said quietly. 

“I know it does, Matty. We’re almost there, ok? Ten more minutes.”

“You gotta help me. I don’t know if I can stay awake.”

“Tell me what you want.”

“Just talk to me. I’ve missed your voice. Tell me what happens next.” Matt adjusted himself in Bucky’s arms, resting his head on Bucky’s shoulder and tucking his nose into the crook of Bucky’s neck. He breathed in deeply. Behind the sweat and smoke and gunpowder, Bucky still smelled better than anyone Matt had ever known - like leather and sandalwood and old books. He felt himself start to drift again, but the press of Bucky’s lips on the top of his head brought him back.

Bucky kissed him again and ran his fingers over Matt’s back gently. “We’re going to fly into the city, and Clint’s gonna land this thing right in the middle of Bleeker Street. Then I’m going to scoop you up and carry you right inside and through the portal and we’ll be on the other side in Wakanda in less than ten seconds. Then we’re going to let that pretty nurse of yours fix you all up, ok?”

“Then what?” Matt didn’t move. His lips brushed across Bucky’s neck as he spoke.

“Then you rest. Heal. Get better.”

“You gotta do better ‘en that if you want me t’ stay awake…”

Bucky looked down at him. Matt’s face was pale and sweat was beading on his forehead. Bucky wiped it away with his sleeve.

“What happens after I get better?” Matt tried again to smile.

“We could take a vacation? Maybe stay in Wakanda for a while?”

“I don’t think I can hang out with your goats, James. No offense.”

“No,” Bucky said quickly. “We’d stay in the city. In the palace. You… I stayed there for a few nights, before they moved me to my own place. I couldn’t… you’d love it. The beds were unbelievable. The sheets were smoother even than yours. And the food - the best food you’ve ever tasted. I could show you around. Take you out every night.”

“Mmmm…” Matt felt like his head was full of cotton. It was getting hard to form words. “Tell me more about the beds.”

“Baby…” Bucky felt heat pooling deep in his stomach. He dropped his voice even lower. “They’re so soft, and the sheets are so smooth. I’d carry you in… you’d be able to walk by then, of course. You’d be all fixed up, but I’d carry you in anyway.”

“Like a bride?” Matt felt like the words were coming from far away; like someone else was saying them. “White’s not really my color, James.”

“Yeah, like a bride. So pretty in my arms. And of course you’re not wearing white. You’re not wearing anything. I’m going to get you totally naked, and then scoop you up and carry you like a bride into the bedroom. Lay you down so that the first time you feel those sheets it’ll be all over your perfect skin with nothin’ to get in the way.”

Matt kissed along Bucky’s collar bone. He didn’t think he could form words anymore. The pressure in his head was starting to subside. The pain was lessening. Matt knew, somewhere, deep in the back of his brain, that this was a bad thing. It didn’t mean he was getting better; it meant things had gotten so bad that his brain was shutting down. He squeezed Bucky’s hand, and could barely feel it under his own. 

“And then I’m going to stand back and watch you. I’m going to watch you enjoy how smooth the sheets are. You’re not going to be able to resist rubbing your sensitive skin all over them - feeling something brand new.” Bucky bit his lower lip, dragging it through his teeth. “And I won’t be able to hide from you, neither. You’re going to hear me breathing, hear my heart racing. I got it for you so bad, baby, just lookin’ at you like that is gonna get me all worked up. And then, when neither of us can take it anymore, I’m going to join you and I’m going to make you feel all the things.”

“James…” Matt managed to choke out.

“It’s been too long since I’ve held you, since my lips have been on you, since I tasted you.”

A faint tremor ran through Matt, and then Bucky felt him go limp in his arms. “Matt? Matty?” His voice was rising. In the seat in front of him, Kate and Jessica stirred. “Baby? Matty you gotta wake up. Matt!!” 

“We’re landing now!” Clint shouted back from the front of the helicopter. 

Bucky held Matt tightly to him, and got ready to run.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks and love as always go to Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, HaniTrash, and FajitaShowboat!
> 
> Let me know what you think? Chapter 12 is fighting me, and comments always make me write faster.


	12. Things We Don't Talk About

Matt Murdock was floating. He couldn’t feel anything. He couldn’t smell or taste anything. It wasn’t silent, per say, but the sound that filled his ears was a pleasant, low thrumming, like the sound of one hundred heartbeats far in the distance. Other than that, there was nothing. 

He considered, for a moment, that he might actually be dead. It was possible, he thought, that he was dead and this was heaven. 

That didn’t seem very likely, though. He knew better. 

Matt could remember fighting. He couldn’t remember who he had fought or why, but he was certain that there had been quite a lot of fighting, and that he’d won. 

But also he’d very much lost. 

It was all a little confusing. 

He tried to focus on something… anything. For just a moment he could feel pressure at his back, and he thought maybe he was lying in a bed or on a table. Then the pressure subsided and he was floating again. He wondered if he was in water. He tried to move his arms, then realized he couldn’t feel them. Had he lost his arms? That didn’t make any sense. His arms had been fine. His legs had been all fucked up, but his arms were fine. He tried to kick his legs, realized he couldn’t feel those either, and decided it didn’t matter. He was floating in nothingness and that was fine for now. He would just float for a while, and then maybe things would make sense later on.

Time passed. Matt was definitely lying in a bed. He wiggled his fingers and toes and moved his head gently side to side. His head throbbed and the room suddenly felt like it was shifting underneath him.

“Hey, stop that.” 

The familiar voice was too loud and Matt winced.

“We need to stop meeting like this,” he said, trying to crack a smile. His voice sounded slurred and his face hurt. He could feel that his jaw and left eye were swollen. 

“That’s fine by me,” Claire answered. “Should I assume, then, that you’re going to stop acting like an idiot who thinks he’s indestructible?”

“Well that doesn’t sound like me at all.” Matt reached out and grabbed Claire’s hand. 

She squeezed it gently. “At least I didn’t dig you out of a dumpster this time. Being carried in by a hundred-year-old assassin is much more dramatic. Points for style.”

“What’s the prognosis? Did you fix me up?”

Claire made a noise that was half laugh and half snort. “I didn’t do anything. You’re lucky you know a world class brain surgeon, because this was beyond me.” She lay her free hand on Matt’s forehead.

“Don’t sell yourself short,” Dr. Strange’s voice came from across the room. “You did most of the work. I just guided you.”

Matt took a moment to reorientate himself. He thought he was ok. Bruised and swollen, but ok. Apparently he was much worse than he felt; he hadn’t even noticed Strange was there. He tried to reach out with his senses, and found there was nothing outside of a five foot radius. 

“Don’t worry,” Strange said, obviously noting Matt’s concern. “We’ve got you on drugs that are limiting your senses. You had one of the most severe concussions I’ve ever seen and your brain needs time to rest and heal. Unfortunately, treating you isn’t as easy as keeping the lights dim and the area quiet. We needed to take more dramatic actions.”

Matt nodded, and again the world shifted underneath him. He felt slightly nauseous. “I can’t smell anything,” he said quietly. 

“That’s a common symptom of a concussion.” Claire brushed his hair gently off of his forehead. “It will get better.”

Matt was silent for a few moments, the feel of Claire’s fingers soothing on his too sensitive skin. Finally, he allowed himself to ask the question that had been clawing at his brain since he woke up. “Did James leave?”

“What?” Claire’s hand on his own squeezed protectively. Her voice was guarded. “No. Do you want him to?”

“Of course not. But he… He warned me. He told me not to go after Masque and STRIKE, and he was right. Everyone there died because of me.”

“No.” Bucky’s voice came from across the room. He sounded like he’d been crying. “Everyone there died because of Frank, and because of me.”

Relief rolled over Matt. Then surprise. Then confusion. “I’m the one who put Frank in charge. Why are you so far away?” 

“You did everything you could to protect Rollins. You did everything you could to protect me, even after the way I’d treated you… And I didn’t know what you’d want, after everything that happened.”

“I just want you, James. I love you.”

Matt felt Claire’s fingers move away, and then Bucky was there, right hand clasping Matt’s tightly. Matt could taste the salt in the air. He was definitely crying.

“We’ll just be going then,” Claire said quietly, stepping away, “Remember what I said.”

There was a pause. 

“They’re gone,” Bucky informed him. 

“What did she say?”

“Hmm?”

“Claire.” Matt swallowed. His throat was dry. “She told me to remember what she said but I don’t know what I’m supposed to remember.”

Bucky hesitated. “She was talking to me.”

“Oh… well what did she mean?”

“She… Can we talk about it later? Right now can I hold you?” Bucky asked cautiously.

“Please.” Matt sighed out the word, relief spreading through him. 

Bucky crawled into the small hospital bed, wrapping his arm gently around Matt’s bare, bruised chest. “You were amazing and you’re more than I deserve.”

“I shouldn’t have kept the plan from you.”

“No,” Bucky said thoughtfully. “You shouldn’t have. But I understand why you did. Hopefully next time you can trust me enough to let me fight next to you. I’m willing to work to earn that trust.”

“What did Claire tell you?”

Matt could feel Bucky smile. It was fleeting, but it felt good. “She told me - before you woke up, she told me no funny business. Her words, not mine. She warned me that you needed to rest and that the door didn’t lock and she didn’t want to walk in on anything. She told me that if I didn’t let you rest, she would kick my ass. I’m supposed to keep you as still as possible.”

Matt rolled to his side to face Bucky, ignoring the way the world spun when he did.

“I just told you that you’re not supposed to move,” Bucky admonished him.

“Want to kiss you,” Matt muttered, running his fingers through Bucky’s hair. 

“Your ears broken too? Are you hearing any of what I’m telling you?”

The kiss was gentle and insistent, lips pressing together chastely at first. Then Bucky took a breath and Matt used the opportunity to lick into his mouth, tasting coffee on his lower lip. Bucky wrapped his arm tighter around Matt and pulled him closer, pressing their bodies together. Matt tightened his grip on Bucky’s hair. He pushed his groin into Bucky’s hip. 

“Baby, we can’t.” Bucky kissed the words into Matt’s jaw and neck. “I promised Claire. You need to rest and get better. She’ll… That nurse of yours is real scary, Matty. I don’t think anybody has talked to me like that since my ma lectured me on not being an idiot before I shipped off to war.”

Matt laughed, then whimpered because laughing hurt like hell. “She’s by far the most intimidating person I’ve ever dated.” He hooked one of his legs over Bucky's, and pulled himself impossibly closer.

“I’d be offended if it wasn’t true.” 

“What if I was real still?” Matt dragged his teeth over Bucky’s earlobe. “You’ve gotten me all worked up, James. There’s no way I can rest now. What if promised to be real still and let you take care of me like you’re always asking to?” Matt could hear Bucky’s heart rate increasing. He could taste the desire on him. “Please, James? Please touch me. I’ve missed you so much. I was so scared you didn’t want me anymore. I need it. I need you.”

“Shit!” Bucky carefully rolled Matt onto his back, supporting his head as he did. He laid Matt down onto the pillow, then brushed his fingers over the man’s jaw and down his neck. He traced gently down Matt’s skin, doing his best to avoid the darkest of the cuts and bruises. A bandage had been wrapped around his chest, protecting his broken ribs, and Bucky let his fingers slide along the line where it met Matt’s exposed skin. “You are so fucking beautiful,” he murmured, laying down next to Matt and propping himself up on his elbow so he could keep staring. He pulled the covers up, tucking them both underneath. 

If there was one thing Bucky had learned from being queer during the war, it was how to hide what he was doing. 

_ If this is what Matt needs to relax…  _ Bucky tried to reason with himself. He tried to convince himself that this was for Matt and not himself. That his fingers weren’t burning up with wanting to be all over this man’s skin. “You promise you’re going to rest for me? I need you to heal, ok? Need these bruises to go away so I that can give you new ones.”

“Oh, fuck James!” Matt gasped out and his hips jerked up into the blankets covering them.

“Uh uh, none of that.” Bucky used the moment as an excuse to run the flat of his palm over the crease of Matt’s hip, soothing him back down. They had put Matt in sweatpants when they’d moved him into the small hospital room, and Bucky hooked his thumb into the waistband and pushed them down to Matt’s thighs. “You promised you’d be still. I gotta know that I can trust you to keep your promises.”

Matt made a soft, choking noise as Bucky ran his fingers over the head of his cock, gathering up the precome and sliding it down his shaft. Bucky started slowly, never looking away from Matt’s face, lost in the small noises he was making, the way his eyelids fluttered and his jaw clenched and relaxed. Matt bit his lower lip and groaned. 

“You gotta be real quiet for me, ok Matty? Real quiet and real still. Can’t let anybody know what I’m doing to you under here. Now tell me, is this what you want, baby? Is this what you need?” Bucky leaned forward and pressed several light kisses across Matt’s sternum. 

“I need you,” Matt whispered back. “Need to feel you. Please? Please fuck me James?”

Bucky’s cock jumped and god he wanted to. He wanted to more than anything. He licked a stripe across Matt’s collar bone to keep from biting down on his shoulder. He did not need to add more bruises right now no matter how sexy they looked. This was about Matt and not him. 

“I can’t, baby. I’ll hurt you.”

Matt whimpered, body trembling under Bucky’s touch. “You don’t want to?”

In the back of Bucky’s mind, he heard Claire’s voice telling him that she would kick his ass if she walked in on them. He considered again for a moment that she might be Winnifred Barnes reincarnated.

“You know that’s not true.” He lifted himself up slightly, dragging his hard length across Matt’s hip, and immediately regretted it. It was not enough, so desperately not enough, and he wanted to be inside Matt so badly. “Don’t ask again,” he growled, both because he loved the look on Matt’s face when he ordered him around, and because he knew he probably couldn’t say no twice. Nobody had ever accused James Buchanan Barnes of being a saint. 

He flicked his tongue up Matt’s neck, just barely allowing his teeth to scrape across his earlobe. 

“You better tell me when you’re close,” Bucky purred. He leaned in to kiss Matt gently, his actions in stark contrast to the way his hand was working furiously under the covers. “Or you’re going to be the one explaining to Strange that you made a mess of his hospital sheets.”

Matt groaned and arched his back, lifting up off the bed, and Bucky pulled his hand quickly away.

“What? Why!?! Please, James!” Matt begged.

“I warned you, Matty.” Bucky’s voice was dark and syrupy. “You gotta stay still. If you can’t stay still, I’m gonna have to stop. One of us has to be the responsible one.” 

Bucky couldn’t help but grin at the noise that escaped Matt’s mouth - frustration and lust and pain all rolled into one. “Please.” His voice sounded broken. “Please don’t stop, James. Please. I promise I’ll be good. Please, please, please, please…”

“Oh, baby boy.” Bucky leaned in and kissed Matt, his hand finding him and starting to jerk him again in earnest. “God I love listening to you beg. Tell me you want it. Tell me how good it feels.”

“So good. Nobody feels like you. Nothing…” Matt fisted his hands in the sheets and Bucky could tell he was struggling not to move again. 

“Fuck!” Matt cried out. “I’m close, James. I’m so fucking close.”   
  
“Yeah?” Bucky considered his options. There was a box of tissues on the bedside table…  _ Fuck it.  _ He could probably take Claire in a fight. He needed this. He kissed his way down Matt’s chest, tucking the blankets up over his head. At least he could be confident that Matt could hear him through the fluffy comforter. “Just like that, huh? God, you’re so easy for me. Come on then, baby. Come for me.” 

Matt gasped as Bucky’s mouth wrapped around him, taking him deep in a single swallow. And Matt Murdock was no saint either. He thrust up twice - he couldn’t help himself - and then his entire body tensed and Bucky swallowed him down, not letting a drop spill, slurping and sucking as if he could speed up the process and help keep them both from getting caught. 

“Oh, shit James.” Matt reached out at grabbed Bucky around the back of his head, pulling him up and out from under the covers and kissing him. “Thank you. God, I needed that so much. Please, please let me…” he started to sit up, reaching for Bucky. 

“Oh no, there’s not going to be any of that.” Bucky grabbed Matt’s hand and lifted it up to his lips, kissing it. He guided Matt back to lying down. “You made me a promise.”

“But… but James.”

“Don’t you  _ but James  _ me, Matty. You need to rest. I can take care of myself when you’re sleeping.”

Matt’s eyes went wide. He looked a little bit like Bucky had slapped him. 

“Awww… you don’t need to pout. Don’t worry. There will be plenty of time for me later. For now, you’re going to let me take care of you.” 

Matt pouted harder. “While I’m sleeping, though! You could at least let me listen.”

For just a moment Bucky had a vision in his mind of Claire telling him to  _ keep Matt calm because he has a traumatic brain injury for fuck’s sake.  _ Oops.

Bucky smiled at him. “I meant it when I said you were beautiful.”

“I meant it when I said I love you.”

“Yeah?” Bucky swallowed hard. “You’ve never said that before.”

Matt closed his eyes. “I know. I’m sorry. I’ve thought it a lot… I’ve just fucked up a completely unreasonable number of relationships.” 

Bucky snorted. “Let me guess. Were you thinking with your fists and your dick, and not your brain?” 

“Something like that, yeah.” Matt smiled weakly. 

“I’ve got some good news for you, then. Those are my two favorite parts of you. Although your brain is a close third, so I’m going to need you to stop shaking it around quite so much ok?” Bucky leaned forward and kissed Matt’s forehead.

“I’m just so afraid I’m going to mess this up too.” 

“I thought you weren’t afraid of anything.” Bucky snuggled down under the covers next to Matt, stroking his chest gently. “Thought that was your deal.”

Matt was silent.

Bucky pulled him closer. “Hey. You listen to me, and you listen good. You’re not gonna lose me. I ain’t going anywhere. I love you and I plan on stickin’ around as long as you’ll let me, ok. You still want me around?”

Matt nodded mutely. 

“Think you can sleep for a while?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

***

Matt drifted again, floating, only this time he could feel James’s arms around him, tethering him. When he woke, James was there, sitting on the side of his bed. He was holding Matt’s hand in his own, gently stroking a vibranium thumb over bruised knuckles. 

“Hey.” Matt rolled slightly to face him, and his head hurt less than the last time. 

“Hey yourself.”

Matt breathed in deeply. “I can smell you again.”

“Coming from anyone else, that would be creepy as hell.”

Matt smiled. “Come back to bed?”

“So greedy.”

“I missed you, James.”

“I missed you too, Matty.” Bucky leaned in and gave him a gentle kiss on the forehead. “Think you could eat something?”

Matt was about to make a dirty comment, when the smell of the soup Bucky had brought finally reached him. “You went to Westerlys? Oh my God you do love me.” He pushed himself up to sitting and held out his hands. “When did you leave? How long was I asleep? Also gimme!”

Bucky snorted. “I made Pete go, and you’ve been asleep for almost 24 hours. And if I really loved you, I would have gotten you soup from Belka.” 

“Blasphemy.”

Matt took the waxy cardboard bowl of soup from Bucky. He let the steam fill his nostrils and coat his eyelashes. He didn’t even bother using a spoon, deciding instead to drink the steaming broth directly from the carton, not speaking, eyes closed, until only the matzo ball was left. He plucked it out with his fingers and began to eat.

“You were hungry.”

“Looks like it.”

“That’s a good sign, baby.” Bucky ran his hand across Matt’s face, and Matt leaned gently into it, still licking at his fingers. “Strange is impressed, you know. He talks about it all the time - how fast you heal. I think he wants to crack your head back open and study that brain of yours.” Bucky paused, considering Matt for a moment. “Does that bother you?”

“That Strange wants to cut open my brain? I mean, yeah, a little bit. If you’re serious.”

“No…” Bucky bit his lower lip. Matt felt the blood rush to the area, and he resisted the urge to lean in and kiss the warm spot he could feel forming. “That I call you baby. It’s diminutive. I’m not trying to…”

“Shush. I don’t mind.” And Matt did lean in and kiss him then.

“You’re a lot younger than me, you know.”

“Cradle robber.”

Bucky smiled. “You must be feeling better. I can’t remember the last time you were in such a good mood.”

“Want to hear a secret?” 

“Of course.”

“I’m in a good mood because my super hot boyfriend blew my mind last night.”

“Oh no…” Bucky’s voice got serious. “I guess we were wrong and you’re not getting better.”

Matt cocked his head, about to question. 

“That wasn’t your mind that I blew, baby.”

Matt groaned. “I guess I walked into that one, didn’t I.”

“You did. And speaking of, do you think you’re feeling up for a walk? Some fresh air might do you good.”

“God yes. I need to get out of this room.”

Bucky smiled at him fondly. 

Matt’s legs wobbled and his head spun slightly as Bucky helped him swing his legs over the side of the bed. He stood, swaying slightly, and Bucky wrapped an arm protectively around his waist. 

“I can do it.” Matt flinched as the words left his mouth unbidden. 

“I know you can,” Bucky replied, not moving his arm. 

Matt stiffened slightly, then forced himself to relax, leaning into Bucky’s solid frame. 

“Thank you for letting me help you. The Wakandans are miracle workers but your body has been through a lot; you need to give it time to recover. Will you tell me if you need help?”

Matt nodded.

Bucky didn’t let go. “Promise?”

“Yes, I promise.” 

Bucky let go but didn’t step away. He offered his arm to Matt, who took it gratefully. “How do you feel?”

“Sore. A little dizzy, but mostly ok.”

Bucky gave him a quick once over. He was pretty sure Matt was lying - that it hurt worse than he was letting on - but he also understood the need to stand, to walk around, to do anything. He wasn’t great at resting and recovering either, so who was he to judge. Plus he had plenty of experience dealing with little shits who liked to get their asses kicked, not that he would ever consider saying something like that to Matt, and he knew that the man would be up and about sooner rather than later, so it may as well be now with him there to help. And honestly, Bucky didn’t want to be in the medical center either. He had spent too long there already. Yes, they’d healed him, but the place still reminded him of everything that had caused him to end up there in the first place.

“Alright, then. A short walk. Come on, I’ll show you the golden city.”

They walked slowly, Matt resting some of his weight on Bucky’s arm - although not as much as Bucky would have preferred. Matt had been to Wakanda before, but never to the city. Bucky did the best he could to describe it to him - the way the buildings seemed to rise up out of the ground like natural formations, the colors and the way everything shone in the sun. As they approached the palace he described the birds and the clouds gathered around the mountains in the distance. In return, Matt told him about the way the wind swirled between the buildings and about the way a herd of antelope sounded stampeding in the distance. They passed a home where washing was being hung out to dry, and after Bucky described the patterns on some of the clothes, Matt told him that the soap used had been made out of the same flowers that grew around Bucky’s hut. 

“You miss it here,” Matt said gently, as they sat on a small bench near the palace. 

“Yes and no. It’s…” Bucky faltered. “I don’t know, Matty. It’s all tied up with things we don’t talk about.”

Matt didn’t turn to face Bucky, but reached out and picked up his hand from where it had been resting in his lap. “Then let’s not have things we don’t talk about.”

Bucky sat in silence for a long time, and Matt held his hand and waited. “It’s not about him. I want to make sure you know that it’s not.”

“It would be ok if it was.”

Bucky flinched and squeezed Matt’s hand tightly. “You’re better than I deserve.”

“You deserve everything.”

Bucky paused again. “When I came here the first time, I was messed up. But they fixed me. They got all the triggers and programming out of my head, and they made me normal again. He’s still in there - the Winter Soldier, the Asset, whatever you want to call him, but it’s almost like a character. Like a costume. I can pull that part of me out when I need it, like when I thought Rumlow had you. I can put on his memories and his mannerisms and his skills, and then when I’m done I can put it all back away and be me again. I got to be me here for the first time in 70 years.

“And, yeah. Part of that was about Steve too. I knew I was in love with Steve the first time I saw him - skinny little idiot getting his ass kicked in an alley by three guys all twice his side. I mean, who does that?”

Matt smiled.

“And he loved me too. I learned that when I was 17. Not that we could do anything about it. It was illegal. If we’d gotten caught they would have locked us up - and away from each other. So the only way to be together was to hide it. 

“But here… here we could walk down the streets holding hands and it was more than I had ever hoped to dream of. And yeah, he was gone a lot but that didn’t matter. Because honestly, truly, it wasn’t about him. It was about me. This was the first place where I was allowed to be myself - truly myself and all of myself without hiding a piece of me away - since I was that kid who fell in love with a scrawny boy getting into a fist fight in an alley. I could be me, whatever that meant, and it would be ok.”

Matt tightened his grip on Bucky’s hand. “Why did he leave? After the blip. After you came back. Why did he leave you?”

“He felt responsible for Tony’s death and it was too much.” Bucky closed his eyes. “They fought because of me. Steve and Tony… I was the reason the Avengers split up.”

“James I’m sure that’s not…”

“It is,” Bucky cut him off. “I killed Tony’s parents, and he couldn’t forgive me. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t expect him to. I never asked. Didn’t deserve… Anyway, I was right there when he found out, so yeah he came after me and Steve defended me and they fought. They worked together after that, to try and stop Thanos, but they were never the same. And Steve… he truly believed that if they hadn’t fought they could have stopped the blip from happening. So when Tony died, Steve saw that as his fault. And by extension mine.”

“He said that?!?”

“No of course not.” Bucky turned to face Matt. “Baby were you about to go punch an old man for me?” 

Matt muttered something unintelligible and Bucky placed a gentle kiss onto his temple. 

“I could see it every time he looked at me, though. The wonder. The questioning. And it was killing him to think that way, too, but he couldn’t stop. He couldn’t get out of his own head. It was all tied up together and it was too much. I’m not mad at him for leaving anymore. I was… you of all people know how mad I was. But I’m not anymore.”

“He is.”

Bucky paused, taking a moment to let Matt’s words sink in. “He is what?”

“Mad at himself for leaving. He told me.”

“What did he say to you?”

Matt could hear Bucky’s heart rate speed up.  _ This is it,  _ he thought.  _ This is how I lose him.  _

“He told me that he was wrong, and if he could go back and do it again he’d choose you.”

Bucky’s heart pounded so loud it was almost deafening. Matt wished he could stand up and walk away, to disappear. He was about to break down and he wanted desperately to be anywhere else, because this was the only thing he was afraid of. Bucky was about to leave him, and this time it wasn’t even because he’d done the wrong thing. He did the right thing for once and the result was going to be the same. 

“Oh.” The word was barely whispered, but it’s the loudest thing Matt has ever heard. 

“It’s ok,” Matt said quietly, pulling his hand out of Bucky’s. “I understand.”

Bucky sat for a moment, dazed, staring into the distance. Then he turned, seeming to finally have heard Matt. “What do you understand?”

“You’ve been in love with him since you were a kid, and he’s been in love with you just as long. I’m not going to try and stand in the way of that. I’m just sorry I didn’t say anything sooner. It was selfish of me.”

“Matt, what do you think is happening right now?”

“Please don’t make me do this, James. Please.” Matt wished they hadn’t walked so far. He wasn’t sure his legs would support him if he tried to get up and run. “He wants to be with you. Go. Go and be with him.”

Bucky shook his head. “He left. He left and I want to be with you.”

“You have a time machine.” Matt was exhausted. He could hear the edge in his voice. “Scott told me exactly what happened on the first test. He could be young again. He could be yours.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oops.
> 
> I am very hopeful that the next chapter shouldn't take quite as long to get to you as this one did!!
> 
> Thanks as always to my lovely betas and to everyone who leaves comments!!!!


	13. Eye of the Storm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I AM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!!!
> 
> Thank you to all my betas! Especially to HaniTrash who has like 17 WIPs right now and yet somehow still makes time to read my shit over for me at the drop of a hat.

“You have a time machine.” Matt was exhausted. He could hear the edge in his voice. “Scott told me exactly what happened on the first test. He could be young again. He could be yours.”

Bucky stared at him. 

“Matthew Michael Murdock. Are you telling me that, after all this time, you still think I see you as a poor man’s Steve Rogers? If I had any idea that was why we didn’t talk about him… I thought we didn’t talk about our exes because you were embarrassed about having so many!”

“James…”

“No. No, fuck you. We are talking about this. We are talking about this every damn day until you believe that I love you for who you are and not because a few aspects of your personality remind me of someone else... Wasn’t Elektra an assassin?”

Matt stuttered, taken aback by the apparent non-sequitur. “Um… yeah. Yeah she was.”

“And she got brainwashed, yeah? Forced to kill for a cause she didn’t believe in?”

“Yes.” Matt was barely audible. 

"And she died.”

“James, please.” Matt was close to tears. 

“No. I’m sorry baby, but this is so important. She died.”

“Yes.”

“On your watch.”

“Yes.”

“So what am I then?”

Matt didn’t answer. 

“Don’t you see? Don’t you understand? You are as much of a replacement for Steve as I am for Elektra. Which is to say, none. Do you have some things in common with Steve Rogers? Yes, absolutely. But that doesn’t mean you’re a substitute; that just means I have a type. And you know what, Matty? You have a type too. And if your type is Karen Page and Claire Temple, then I’m happy to be your type too because they are both terrifying and amazing and I love them. And I suspect I would have loved Elektra too.”

“You would have,” Matt managed to choke out between the tears. 

“And you would love Steve.” Bucky picked up Matt’s hands, placing one on his face and the other over his heart. “I know it’s different because he broke my heart, but I’m ready to forgive him and I want to know if you’ll ever be ok with that. Listen to me, Matt. Feel.” He gently squeezed the hand resting on his heart. “I’m telling you the truth. You know I am. I love you. I am in love with you. I want you and I want to be with you. I don’t want to be with anyone but you. It’s not about him or what I can or can’t have. It’s about you. I want to be with you. Do you believe me?”

Matt nodded, face a mess of tears and still unhealed bruises. 

“Say it.” 

Matt bit the inside of his cheek and tried to stop crying.

“Say it,” Bucky repeated.

“You want to be with me.” Matt’s voice broke.

Bucky stood, taking Matt with him, holding him tightly. “Say it again.”

“You want to be with me.”

Bucky leaned in and kissed him, dragging his teeth over Matt’s lower lip. “Say it one more time.”

“You want to be with me.” Matt breathed the words into his mouth. 

“You believe me?”

Matt nodded. 

“Ok. We’re talking about this more later.” Bucky started to walk, arm still wrapped securely around Matt’s waist. 

“Wait.” Matt stopped, pulling away from Bucky and raking his fingers through his hair. He took a deep breath. “Ok, look. I absolutely can walk back to the medical center. I can. But you made me promise and…” he shook his head. “I mean, I’m ok. I am. I’m ok, but I probably shouldn’t walk all the way back there.”

Bucky smiled so hard he was practically glowing. “That was real hard for you, wasn’t it baby?”

Matt turned his face away. He wanted to take it back, to tell James he was fine, to hide. 

“I’m so proud of you. Come on, we’re not going back to the center.” He started to walk again, guiding Matt into the palace. 

They stepped into the building and Matt froze, grabbing on to Bucky’s arm. A small gasp escaped his lips. If being in the Sanctum Sanctorum felt like a bad trip, the Wakandan palace felt like the exact opposite of that. It was like flying. Like being enveloped in pure joy. It was euphoria. The palace was open and airy and resonated with vibranium. Matt exhaled shakily, his entire body relaxing. It was like all the tension and pain was being drained out of him. 

Bucky grinned at him. “That good, huh?” He ran a vibranium finger across the back of Matt’s neck. “I have to admit, there’s a reason you’ve never been here before. I’m selfish. I didn’t want you realizin’ you could feel this way without me.”

Matt leaned back into Bucky’s touch, feeling fully safe and fully supported for the first time in a long time.  _ It wasn’t just the palace _ , he realized,  _ or the feel of James’s left hand on the back of his neck. This man was his. Really, truly his. He hadn’t been lying. Matt knew lying and every word James had said had been the truth. _ They lingered for just a moment, then Matt pulled forward as he heard two familiar sets of footsteps approaching.

“And how are my two favorite angry white boys?” Shuri’s voice called out. She embraced both of them, one at a time, standing on her tiptoes. As she pulled away from Matt, she held onto his shoulders. “You look like shit,” she said with a smile. 

Matt laughed, and yeah, that still hurt. “Thanks, Princess. I wouldn’t know if you didn’t tell me.” He turned towards Peter, who was fidgeting anxiously by Shuri’s side. “You ok, Pete? You get injured at all?”

Pete shook his head. “No sir, Mr. Murdock. I just… I’m sorry. I should have been able to stop him. I tried… I…”

“Hey.” Matt pulled Pete into a hug. “You are not responsible for Frank’s actions. Thank you for having my back. It meant a lot that you all came for me.”

“Thanks. I don’t want to let you down.”

“You could never let me down, Pete. We’re a team ok?” 

Pete smiled shakily. “We were about to go get something to eat. You guys want to come with us?”

“Oh, well… we…”

“You know, that sounds great,” Bucky interrupted Matt’s stuttering. “But Claire specifically told me that I was in charge of this idiot and to keep him resting so he could heal. I think she’d have my head if I took him out on our first night away from the clinic. Next time?”

Matt smiled, and silently said a prayer of thanks for James Buchanan Barnes. They exchanged a few more pleasantries and made plans to meet up the next day, and then Matt focused on not limping as he allowed Bucky to lead him away. “Protecting my ego?” he asked, once they were out of earshot of the others.

“Not at all.” He took Matt’s left arm and threaded it through the crook of his own right elbow. “Worrying about you is my job, and I work best alone. Besides, I want you to myself tonight.”

“Is that so?” Matt relaxed into the arm he’d been given, allowing Bucky to support him. “I vaguely remember some promises being made regarding our time spent in the palace. Or was that a fever dream?”

Bucky ran his left thumb gently across Matt’s knuckles. “I...” his voice faltered as they paused outside the doors to a large elevator, confidence cracking away. “Matty, I had plans and now I’m not sure what to do. I’m not sure it’s ok.” He worried his lower lip. 

“Please just tell me, James.”

“The apartment we’re going to, that I’d planned on taking you to now… it’s mine but…. but I guess it was ours, really. When he was here, it was where we stayed. I… I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking. I can talk to someone; figure out who is in charge of that. I’ll find somewhere else. It’s not fair to you…”

“James.” Matt brushed a strand of hair off of Bucky’s face and tucked it behind his ear. “It’s ok. If it’s yours, then that’s where I want to be.”

Bucky watched him carefully. “You sure?”

Matt nodded. “Please. Just take me home.” 

They walked together onto the elevator, and as the doors slid quietly shut, Matt allowed himself to sink into Bucky’s arms. 

“Hey.” Bucky ran his vibranium hand up and down Matt’s back. “It’s a lot, isn’t it? I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have had you walk. We’ll get you off your feet soon.”

Matt smiled weakly. “I’m ok. Really, I am. Just tired.”

“How’s your head?”

“My head feels fine. I’m totally fine, I promise.”

Bucky eyed him suspiciously. “Like, normal person fine or Matt Murdock fine?” The elevator glided smoothly to a stop and the doors opened. “You know what, it doesn’t matter.” 

Matt yelped as Bucky scooped him up into his arms and carried him off the elevator. “James. James! Please put me down,” he hissed. “This is embarrassing.” 

Bucky paused, but didn’t put Matt down. “Is there anyone around?” he asked.

Matt listened, then shook his head. “Nobody on this entire floor.”

“Good!” 

Bucky started walking again, and - with no one around to see - Matt allowed his head to droop onto Bucky’s shoulder. He nuzzled his nose into Bucky’s neck, taking a deep breath. 

“God, I love how you smell.”

Bucky chuckled. “You’re so weird, baby.”

“Would you let me do this for you? Would you let me carry you around and take care of you if you were hurt?”

They walked down a long, wide hallway. Once side was all windows, opening to a view of the city. The other contained a few doors spaced far apart. “Don’t know if you could lift me. I’m pretty heavy.”

Matt sighed.

“But yeah. I mean, assuming that wasn’t an issue, I’d love it.” 

Matt sat up slightly in Bucky’s arms, surprise evident on his face. He cocked his head to the side. “Say it again.”

“Hmm?”

“Say it again, James.”

Bucky smiled. Matt thought he was lying, but he wasn’t. “I’d love it if you took care of me. Not all the time, of course, but for a while? Every once in a while? Hell yeah, that sounds great. Not sure if I like the idea of your sittin’ around, hopin’ I get hurt though. Maybe we pick a day instead. Or a weekend. After you’re all better, we’ll pick a time and you can thank me properly.”

Bucky reached the final door, the corner apartment, and paused. “You sure about this? We can still turn around, find someplace else to stay. I just… My apartment has some unique features that I think you would like.”

“I’m ok, James. I can handle it.” 

“Here,” Bucky said, and he took Matt’s hand in his own and pressed it against a small panel on the wall. The door slid open. “I know Shuri’s told you that you’re welcome whenever you want, and they’d still give you your own apartment if you asked, but I wanted you to know that you could come here too, whenever you wanted, with or without me.” Bucky carried Matt through the door and laid him down on a couch inside the apartment.

“Thank you, James,” Matt sighed as he sunk into the couch. And… yeah. Bucky wasn’t kidding when he’d said that the apartment had ‘unique features.’ It was filled with vibranium. All of the furniture appeared to be reinforced with vibranium, including the couch he was lying on. It enveloped him, drowning everything else out. It was bliss. 

Bucky helped Matt out of his shoes and stretched his legs out on the couch. Then he took off his own shoes and, after considering for a moment, settled himself on the couch between Matt’s legs. He leaned back, took Matt’s hands in his own and wrapped them around his chest. 

The two laid there for a long time, and it was only when Bucky tried to move and Matt hugged him tighter that he realized Matt hadn’t fallen asleep.

“Don’t go,” Matt whispered. “I need you right here.”

Bucky settled back into Matt’s chest, interlacing their fingers. “I don’t wanna go anywhere, baby. But I thought you might be getting hungry. I wanted to see if they left any food for us. They usually stock the fridge or something.”

Matt squeezed Bucky’s hand, then released it. “Ok. I suppose if it’s food related…”

“You haven’t had anything since that soup, and I’m starving.”

“Fine, fine,” Matt gave Bucky a little shove. “Go on. Make me dinner.” 

Bucky kissed Matt’s finger tips, then stood up and walked to the kitchen. The fridge had been stocked, as expected, and he pulled out some chicken breasts and fresh mushrooms. “I’m going to make you chicken marsala. How does that sound?”

“Perfect!” Matt cocked his head in the way that told Bucky he was about to say something that there was no way he should know. “There’s also some fresh goat cheese in the drawer. Why don’t you pull that out and we can eat it as you cook?” Matt rose carefully and walked into the kitchen, pulling out a loaf of fresh bread, a cutting board, and a knife. 

Bucky went back to the fridge, opened the deli drawer, and retrieved the cheese while Matt began to slice the bread. Bucky carefully pulled the knife from his hand, wrapped an arm around his waist, and led him to sit down at the kitchen table. “You’re resting. I’ve got this.” He kissed Matt on the cheek and went back into the kitchen.

“These chairs are made of Vibranium, James. And it’s woven into the table. Are all the apartments like this?”

“No…” Bucky admitted, but he didn’t volunteer anything else. Matt felt Bucky’s heart jump. He wasn’t lying, but he was holding back. 

“Fine, keep your secrets.” Matt smiled as Bucky put the cheese and bread down in front of him, snagging a piece for himself and returning to the kitchen. Matt took a bite of the cheese, savoring the creamy feel of it across his tongue. “I have more important things I want to grill you on. For example, when I asked if you would let me take care of you. Why… if that’s something you want, why have we never…?”

“Never took you for the caregiving type,” Bucky interrupted. He started a pot of rice on the stove, and then began chopping an onion. “I mean, you’ve got no pets… you killed the plant I gave you...”

“James. You attacked me in a bar and then snuck a plant with a listening device into my apartment. It’s not like it died of neglect; I poured boiling water over it.”

Bucky chuckled. “Plus you really seem to like getting pushed around, you know. I wasn’t sure if you’d like it different. Don’t wanna mess with a good thing.” Bucky scraped the onions into a pan, and began to cut mushrooms.

“Honestly, James, you’ve never pushed me around. Not really. I can take a lot more… I’d… I’d like to show you what I can take.”

Matt felt Bucky’s muscles tense from across the room. 

"I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “You didn’t like that. You don’t want that from me.”

“No, it’s not that.” Bucky finished chopping the mushrooms. He dried his hands on a towel, gave the onions a quick stir, then walked over to Matt. Gently, he traced his finger over a cut on Matt’s forehead. “It’s not that I don’t want that from you, baby. I do. You’ve gotta believe that I do. I want everything from you. I want to do everything with you.”

“But? I can hear that you’re holding back, James. I know there’s something you’re not telling me.” 

Bucky picked up Matt’s hands and squeezed them in his own. “It’s not fair, you being a human lie detector and all,” Bucky tried to joke.

“You mean you want to be able to lie to me?” Matt wasn’t taking the bait.

“Jesus, Matty.” Bucky released his hands, walking back to the stove and stirring the onions again. “Of course not. It’s just… I don’t want to hurt you. I don’t ever want to hurt you. And the problem is, I’m going to. Whatever I do, I’m going to hurt you. Because, you know what? You’re tough as fuck. You are. I knew you were strong and I still underestimated you and I’m sorry. I see that now. But it doesn’t change the fact that I’m stronger. I may have gotten the generic brand super-soldier-serum, but it was super-soldier-serum none the less. I can jump off a five story building without getting hurt. I can punch through bullet proof glass. Fuck. Tony…” and he stumbled just a little over the name, voice catching in his throat. “Tony hit me with his goddamned suit on, on this arm” - he held up his flesh arm - “and I was fine. You ever fight Pete?” 

Matt shook his head, no.

“Well I have, ok? And that kid… fuck, he’s stronger than me by a lot, it’s true, but I held my own.”

“That’s not how he tells it…”

“Shut up! We can talk about that later. My point is that you are not going to be able to take me in a fight. That’s not an insult. That’s not me thinking I’m better than you; it’s just fact. And so you sit here and you say ‘don’t hold back on me,’ but I have to. And I know saying that is going to hurt you, but doing what you want is going to hurt you too. Probably more. So what am I supposed to do? Tell me. Because honestly I don’t know.”

Matt frowned and walked back into the kitchen. Bucky was still standing at the stove, and Matt wrapped his arms around him from behind. He rested his forehead between Bucky’s shoulder blades. “I can take it.”

Bucky sighed. “No, baby, you can’t.”

“Then give me the chance to figure that out on my own.”

“But if I lose control…”

“James I saw you lose control the night we met, remember? That was you out of control. You didn’t know who I was, and you came after me anyway. And you know what, I’m still here. I knew I couldn’t fight you that night and win. So what happened?”

Bucky set down the spoon and turned to face him. “You hid?”

Matt huffed out his breath and crinkled his forehead. “I didn’t HIDE, James. I avoided and I waited you out. I used my skills to my advantage, and I used your weaknesses against you. I listened and I anticipated.”

“And you hid,” Bucky added with a smile, and he kissed Matt on the nose.

“Stir your onions,” Matt scolded. “And turn the heat down. They’re starting to burn.” Bucky turned to face the stove again and Matt snuggled back into him, loving how warm and solid the man felt under his skin. 

“The real question,” Matt continued, “is whether or not you trust me. Do you? Do you trust me to tell you when to stop?”

Bucky was silent.

“Don’t you dare lie to me, James. I know you’re thinking about lying right now.”

Bucky stirred the onions aggressively.

Matt squeezed his arms, still wrapped around Bucky’s waist. “You’re not telling me anything I don’t already know, ok? I know it’s hard, because you think you’re going to hurt me, but I already know your answer, and listening to you deny it hurts more than if you actually came out and said it. Do you trust me to tell you to stop?”

Finally, Bucky allowed the word to slip out. The truth: “No.”

Matt nodded, relishing the feel of Buck’s shirt rubbing against his cheek. “Thank you.” 

Bucky dropped his head down, focusing on the onions. He wondered for the millionth time why onions took so damned long to caramelize. 

“Why?”

Bucky’s head shot up again and he spun to face Matt. “What? Are you serious right now asking me why? Matty… you took on an entire compound of Hydra clones by yourself. The Rand kid told me you let a building fall on you. Claire told me the first time she met you, it was because she dug you mostly dead out of a dumpster. Jesus Christ, baby, I love you but you don’t know how to say stop.”

Matt laughed, and then winced, and then raised a hand and trapped Bucky’s chin between his thumb and forefinger. He ran his finger across Bucky’s jaw, then cupped it and drew Bucky in towards him, kissing him gently at first and then more insistently. “You’re right,” he said as he pulled away, lips still brushing against Bucky’s. “I’m a menace. I’m sorry. But how can I get better at saying ‘stop’ if you don’t give me the chance to practice?”

“You _ are _ a menace,” Bucky agreed, but he was smiling again. “We’re not doing any of this tonight, you know. Not a chance. I’m supposed to be helping you heal.”

“God, of course not.” Matt smiled back. “Everything hurts. Everything.” He kissed Bucky again, then walked back to his chair and sat down.

Bucky added the mushrooms to the pan, then began to flatten the chicken breasts. 

They were silent as Bucky finished the meal. Matt listened to him work in the kitchen, marveling at how fluid his movements were. There was no wasted energy, no actions that didn’t need to be there. He was still smiling when Bucky joined him at the table, setting two plates in front of them.

They ate quietly, and both were finishing when Matt finally broke the silence. “It’s a lot to ask, but I’d really like it if you gave me the chance to say stop. You’re not wrong… It’s not something I would want to say, but I would. I would tell you to stop before you really hurt me.” 

Bucky’s heart fluttered and Matt smiled. As much as he didn’t want to, Matt couldn’t help but hear the words of Rumlow echoing in his head:  _ what you want, he wants too. Wants it bad _ .

He stood and walked over to Bucky, straddling his lap. Matt let his fingers dance over Bucky’s face, tracing his nose and lips and jaw. Light touches, almost not even there. Sometimes Bucky wasn’t even sure he was feeling Matt’s touch - that instead he felt the warmth radiating from Matt’s fingers, or the air he displaced as he moved them dreamily across Bucky’s skin. “But James…” Matt’s touch became firmer. He dragged a fingernail across the base of Bucky’s jaw, scratching through the stubble. “Just because I like you getting rough with me sometimes, that doesn’t mean I would mind pushing you around a bit too, if that was something you wanted.” Matt ran his hand down the side of Bucky’s throat, drew it gently across his collar bone, and finally brought it to rest loosely across Bucky’s neck. “Is that something you want from me?” He squeezed, just a little.

Bucky whimpered.

“Is it?”

“Baby,” Bucky’s voice was rough, constricted slightly by the hand around his throat.

“Hmmm?”

“Let’s go to bed.” Bucky wrapped an arm around Matt and stood, lifting him up, his legs wrapped around Bucky’s waist.

Matt moved his hand from Bucky’s neck and combed it through his hair, fisting it there and pulling Bucky’s head back to stare up at him. “I love you, James.”

“God I love you, Matty.”

Matt leaned in and kissed Bucky, hot and messy, fingers never releasing, still bending Bucky’s neck back. It was awkward. Sitting up on Bucky’s hips, Matt was almost a full head taller. The angle was all wrong and their teeth clicked together and Matt did not care. 

_ Mine,  _ his mind supplied as he tightened his grip on Bucky’s hair.  _ Mine.  _ His free hand went down Bucky’s back, rucking up his shirt and trying to find skin.  _ Mine.  _ His legs were wrapped so tightly around Bucky’s waist that, if it were anyone else, Matt knew he’d be hurting them.

“Baby?” Bucky could barely pull his lips away from Matt’s long enough to get the word out. 

“Please take me to bed, James. Please.” 

Matt released him, and Bucky immediately brought his mouth to Matt’s neck, sucking a bruise. His hands ran up and down Matt’s back, his right finally resting at the nape of Matt’s neck, his left tucking up under Matt’s shirt and pressing into the small of his back. “Shit,” he muttered, kissing the new mark. “Sorry.”

“James, please,” Matt whined. “Please, I need you.”

“Yeah, yeah ok,” Bucky said, not moving. “Hang on, though. I gotta… I made you a promise.” 

Matt whimpered as Bucky stood him back onto his own feet.

“None of that,” Bucky whispered, kissing Matt gently before pulling off his shirt. 

“Oh.” Matt’s eyes widened as Bucky’s hands dropped to Matt’s waist, pushing off his pants and boxers at the same time. Matt stepped out of the pile of clothing. “James, this is silly. You don’t have to…”

“Shush. Nothing about this is silly.” He scooped Matt up into his arms and carried him into the bedroom, laying him carefully down on the bed.

Matt gasped. “James… Holy shit, James. Your bed.”

It wasn’t the sheets, although Matt had to admit they were smoother than even his at home, it was the bed itself. The frame. The massive headboard. 

It was made of solid vibranium. 

Matt could feel everything going warm and fuzzy as the sensations washed over him. He felt Bucky climb into the bed next to him and he reached out, grabbing the back of Bucky’s head and drawing their mouths together. Matt kissed him desperately, pulling Bucky’s body on top of his own, thrilled to find that he’d stripped down as well. “James. James.” He repeated it over and over, like a prayer. 

“Yeah, baby. Yeah. I got you.” Bucky kissed down his chest, lips brushing across bruises and scrapes, vibranium hand trailing behind. 

“James,” Matt whispered, as Bucky settled between his legs. He couldn’t hear anything, couldn’t sense anything outside of himself and Bucky and the bed. Everything else was quiet. The world was finally quiet. 

Bucky’s tongue was hot and wet against his hole, and Matt shouted at the surprise of it. “Shhh…” Bucky calmed him, kissing all over the insides of his thighs. He hooked his arms under and around Matt’s hips, lifting him slightly and holding him in place, before planting his lips over Matt’s puckered ring. Matt shook, and he could feel Bucky smile against him before licking again. 

“Don’t fight me, baby,” Bucky murmured after Matt’s hips tried to jerk away again. 

“It’s so much.” Matt’s voice caught in his throat as Bucky pressed a vibranium finger inside of him, tongue still working alongside, gently opening Matt up. 

“Baby?” Bucky’s voice was tentative, even as he pushed a second finger into Matt. “I want to do something, but I’m worried there might not be time to tell me to stop if you don’t like it. Do you trust me?”

Matt nodded frantically while digging both hands into the mattress, trying to find something to grab onto. “Please, James. Please! Anything!”

Bucky frowned slightly, focusing. He hadn’t done this since Shuri had showed him, in her lab, after that rooftop party months ago. It felt even longer. They’d come so far. And even then it had been his whole arm…

“James?” Matt’s voice, rough and raw, brought him back to his senses. 

Bucky rubbed his fingertips gently over Matt’s prostate and smiled when Matt’s hips bucked up again involuntarily, confirming he had just the right spot. He bit his lower lip, and then…

Matt screamed as he came, Bucky’s fingers surging to life inside him. He gasped and writhed, holding on to the vibranium headboard for dear life, until his mind went blank and he collapsed down into the bed.

***

Matt was floating again, and for a moment he worried that it had all been a dream - that he was still in the Wakandan medical center, hooked up to machines, high on the good stuff Claire had pumped him full of. He stretched out with his senses and, just like before, found only a small bubble of awareness around himself. He started to panic. It couldn’t have been a dream. It couldn’t. James had gotten him soup, had told him that he wanted him and nobody else, had taken him to the palace, had made him dinner, had... 

The bed shifted as Bucky crawled back in beside him, and suddenly Matt remembered. The bed.  _ The fucking vibranium bed.  _ It was pulling in the vibrations from everything outside. It was like a giant black hole, and he was lying in the eye of the storm. 

“Hey,” Bucky said gently, pushing a lock of dark brown hair up off of Matt’s forehead.

Matt gave Bucky a weak, lopsided smile. He lifted a hand, patted Bucky on the cheek, and then let his arm fall back to the bed with a heavy  _ thud.  _ Moving was too hard. Talking was too hard. Matt sighed contentedly. 

“What’s it like?” Bucky asked.

“Hmmm?” Matt sighed and stretched lazily, trying to focus. He took Bucky’s left hand in his own and brought it up to his face. Bucky got the hint, and began to stroke him gently.

“What’s it like for you, right now? What does it feel like?”

“Everything else disappears.” Matt could feel the words leaving his body, but he wasn’t quite sure he was making any sound. His brain was somewhere else, disconnected. “You ever…” he closed his eyes and was quite for a long time, and Bucky wondered if he had fallen back asleep. “You ever have a cat?” His voice was dreamy, like it was coming from a distance. Like it was a struggle to pull the words out. “We had a cat, when I was a kid. It wasn’t our cat. My dad would never have gotten a cat. But it lived in the alley behind our house and it would come all the way up to our apartment on the fire escape, the stupid thing. We were on the eighth floor. It was fearless, and at the same time it was afraid of everything. Sometimes, when my dad was out fighting, I would let it in. It was so angry. It jumped at the slightest sound. Its claws were always out, and it would attack you if you got too close to it. I remember, before the accident, I liked to watch it lie in the small patch of sunlight that would stream in through the kitchen window. When it was lying in the sun, it was like everything else disappeared. That spot of sunlight was it. You could wave a feather around it, or stomp around, or even pet it - any of the things that normally bothered it - and it wouldn’t move. Nothing outside of the sunshine existed. That’s how I feel, James. I’m the cat, and you’re my sunshine. You make everything else disappear.”

Matt felt more than heard the soft, small exhale that Bucky let out, and then Bucky was kissing him again, gently, and Matt allowed the sensation to carry him away until there was nothing else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The End"
> 
> Except not really, because there's a mid and post credit scene!! So stick around for those or I'll totally judge you when you get up and walk out of the theater.
> 
> ALSO, if you haven't done so already, I would highly recommend subscribing to the series. I have four events that take place in the Big Gun Bromance apartment, which I had originally planned to put in here, but which I decided worked better as their own stand-alone stories. So, if you're curious what Clint and Frank and Wade are up to, make sure you subscribe and find out. I can promise that Halloween in their apartment is going to be a delight. I'm pretty sure they hand out full-sized candy bars!
> 
> Leave me a note and let me know what you think and I will be the happiest person ever!! 
> 
> PS: "Normal people fine vs. Matt Murdock fine." I think this should be the official pain scale hanging up at doctor offices.


	14. Mid Credit Scene

Matt came back to the world slowly. Sunlight streamed in through the window, bathing the bed in warmth, and he luxuriated in it. The sheets were, and promised, smoother than anything he’d felt before. 

He stretched out and his fingers brushed against plastic; it crinkled under his touch. Matt smiled. Bucky had tucked a water bottle in next to him, so there was no way he could miss it. He sat up slightly, opened the bottle, and took a long drink. He was thirsty and hungry and those two points gave him pause. How long had he been asleep? He remembered the night before; remembered Bucky taking him apart with his  _ apparently vibrator  _ fingers, then carefully putting him back together again, only to flip him over and fuck him into the mattress. He remembered Bucky waking him, feeding him a protein bar and some grapes, and then choking him on his cock until he came on Matt’s face. He remembered Bucky getting him up, walking him carefully to the bathroom, helping him shower, feeding him nuts and dried fruit and cheese, and then holding him so carefully until Matt cried and begged and Bucky laid him down and made love to him gently, stroking his face and telling him he was good and beautiful and perfect. He remembered Bucky waking him and making him drink and use the bathroom several times.

So the fact that his mouth felt like a desert and he had to pee like a racehorse didn’t make a lot of sense to him.

He’d gotten used to the vibranium bed… or, at least used to it enough that it wasn’t completely overwhelming his system. He focused and mapped out the bedroom. The room was pretty spartan. The bed itself was in the middle of the room, pushed up against a wide wall, with sturdy bedside tables on each side. The wall to his right had two doors. He recognized one as leading to the en-suite bathroom. The other was a closet. Matt could smell Bucky’s clothes, soft and warm… and some that weren’t. He paused. There was definitely a set of tactical gear in there, but no weapons that he could sense. The wall to his left wasn’t a wall at all, but floor to ceiling windows letting in the sunlight that was now bathing him. The wall in front of him held two bookcases, full of old books, and the door that led to the rest of the apartment. That door, at the moment, was shut.

Matt’s clothes were folded carefully and laid on his bedside table. He considered them for a moment, then shuffled to the bathroom naked to relieve himself. He wasn’t sure that he was ready to wake up anyway. Yes, he could feel that the sun was up fairly high in the sky, but he was still recovering. He deserved to sleep in. He splashed some water on his face anyway, found a toothbrush in a box lying on the counter and used it, and then climbed back into the bed and pulled the covers over himself.

He took a moment to assess his own injuries, wiggling toes and bending and stretching his joints. He felt good. He felt really good. All of the pain in his head was gone and, as far as he could tell, he was hearing and smelling properly. The bed, along with the rest of the vibranium in the room, was messing with him a little, but that was to be expected. He poked his ribs and found them to be mostly healed, Wakandan technology having accelerated what his own body already did a fairly good job of.

Matt heard Bucky moving towards the bedroom door a second before it opened. He smiled and breathed in deeply, taking in the scent of Bucky and the coffee that he held in his hands. 

“Good morning,” Bucky said, handing Matt the mug, and there was a smile in his voice. “You about ready to get up, lazy bones?”

"Is it late?” Matt accepted the coffee and took a sip, savoring the bitterness. 

“It’s 10:00 am.” Bucky sat down on the bed next to him, and ran his hand over Matt’s bare back.

“That’s not so bad.” Matt took another sip of his coffee. “I think I earned sleeping in, don’t you? I’m supposed to be healing and all that.”

“It’s 10:00 am on Thursday.”

Matt did the calculations quickly in his head. Danny’s party had been on a Friday night. He’d been taken to Wakanda early Saturday morning, and had spent Saturday, Sunday, and Monday night in the medical center. He and Bucky had walked to the palace early Tuesday evening. That meant… His brow creased.

“Yup,” Bucky confirmed. “You slept for almost 40 hours.”

Matt took a gulp of his coffee and said nothing. No wonder he was so hungry.

“You want something to eat? I made pancakes.”

“God, yes.” Matt smiled and leaned into Bucky’s arm. 

“You gonna get out of bed and eat them at the table like a civilized person, or should I tell Foggy that you’re going to be taking clients in bed in the nude from now on?”

Matt froze. “Foggy!” 

Bucky shook his head. “You really are a terrible friend.” He wrapped his arms around Matt. “Don’t worry. I called him the moment we got you off the helicopter and into the medical center, and have been keeping him and Karen updated daily.”

Matt sighed and relaxed, feeling Bucky’s strength mixed with the gentle humming of vibranium surrounding him. He took another sip of his coffee, his brain waking up. “James…” realization finally struck him. “Why do you have a vibranium bed?”

Bucky didn’t speak, but the quick tensing of his muscles and the increase of his heartbeat told Matt everything. “Uh huh…” Matt took another drink. “And the rest of your furniture? Same reason?”

Bucky gave the same response.

“Jesus,” Matt muttered. “So, did somebody think ahead or did you two break everything in the apartment the first time…”

“Matt, please…”

“Oh my God,” Matt choked back a laugh and Bucky looked at him in surprise. “You broke everything in the apartment, didn’t you? Holy shit. I don’t know whether to be terrified or completely turned on, but I’m really leaning towards the latter. Is there video? The way you people love your AI’s there’s probably a surveillance video or something, isn’t there? It’s not that often that I wish I could see, but I would kill to watch that video.” Matt smiled and finished his coffee. 

Bucky took his cup. “More?”

“Yes, please. And pancakes. I was promised pancakes!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DON'T LEAVE YET! YOU KNOW THERE'S ONE MORE AT THE VERY, VERY END!
> 
> Also, if you've read this far and you haven't done so, please consider leaving Kudos. It means so very, very much to me. It's always the first thing I look for when I wake up in the morning.


	15. Post Credit Scene

Matt slid into the darkened confessional and sat on the hard wooden bench, making the sign of the cross. “Forgive me, father, for I have sinned. It has been…” he let out a small huff. “It’s been a long time since my last confession. Years.”

“How many years are we talking about?” the man next to him asked. Matt knew it wasn’t going to be him. He knew it couldn’t be him. They didn’t breathe the same. They didn’t smell the same. Even still, there was something unnerving about the wrong voice coming through the latticed screen.

“Three?” Matt guessed. “Maybe eight, depending on how you count. Not since Father Landon…” Matt trailed off. 

“Not since Father Landon?” The priest prompted.

Matt closed his eyes. “Not since he died,” he said quietly.

“And is that something you still struggle with, my son?”

“Yes,” Matt’s voice was little more than a whisper. “I was here, that night. The night he…” Matt’s voice cut off again.

“Sometimes it helps us to say the words. It can be a way to work through the grief.”

“I was here the night he died.” 

“And do you feel responsible for his death?”

Matt couldn’t hold back a cold laugh. “Yeah. Yes, I do.”

“Did you fire the gun?”

“No,” Matt sighed. “But I should have been able to do more to protect him.” This was a mistake. He shouldn’t have come here. He should have known better. This man didn’t know who he was - he didn’t want to lie but he couldn’t be honest either. 

“But this distresses you. Please, tell me what you’ve come to be absolved of today.”

Matt fingered his mother’s gold cross, hanging around his neck. “There’s someone else,” he said, blinking back tears. “Like Father Landon. I’m responsible for their death.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“He… I was was supposed to protect him and he was shot.” Matt could hear the gunshot ringing out in his memory. “I should have stopped it.”

“You must be in a very dangerous line of work, to be in charge of protecting so many. It also seems you take much responsibility onto yourself for things that others have done.”

Matt laughed genuinely at that. “Yeah, both of those things are accurate.” He sobered. “But this time it’s true. I… This man; the man I was supposed to protect. He hurt people. He hurt a lot of people. He hurt someone I love. The worst things you can imagine doing to someone - worse - he did these to the man I love.”

“And yet you took responsibility for protecting this man?”

“Yeah.” Matt swallowed hard. “And I failed him.”

“You couldn’t protect him from being shot?”

“That’s the thing, Father.” Matt released the cross and squeezed his hands into fists, feeling his nails dig into his palms, using the pain to keep talking. “I could have stopped it. I knew. I could have pushed him, or shouted at him to get down, and I didn’t. It would have been easy to save him, but I didn't. I didn’t want to. Instead, I let him get shot. I let him die.”

The priest was silent for a moment, and Matt fidgeted uncomfortably on the hard bench, feeling once again like the little boy he had been, called into Father Landon’s office, in trouble for fighting on the playground. Finally, the priest spoke:

“Times have changed, my son, and in a world where gods walk among us, I am not always sure what my role here is. So, I ask you now a question in all sincerity that, just a few short years ago, I would have asked rhetorically. Can you see the future?”

“No, I can’t.”

“Then how do you know you could have saved him?”

Matt paused, reflecting. “I guess I don’t.”

“Did you protect the man you love?”

“Yes.”

Matt could hear the priest nod through the thin divider. “Then I think you must forgive yourself. You protected one man. You do not know what would have happened had you tried to protect two.”

“Thank you, Father,” Matt said quietly.

“And my son,” the priest added as Matt began to get up to leave.

“Yes, Father?”

“Perhaps it is time to find a less stressful vocation, or at least to resist committing yourself to protecting so many people. Leave that to the police and the Avengers.”

Matt laughed. “I’ll take it under consideration, Father. Thank you.” 

He quickly exited the church and breathed in the crisp New York air. It was early December, and they had returned from Wakanda just the day before. A few snowflakes were swirling in the air, but it wasn’t enough to cause Matt any trouble. He sensed Bucky sitting on the bench in front of the church, right where he’d left him, and walked over and took a seat next to him.

“Feel all better?” Bucky asked.

“Mostly.”

“Did the priest say anything interesting?”

“He told me to find a less stressful job, and leave protecting the city to the police and to the Avengers,” Matt laughed.

“Hmm… I guess...” Bucky smiled and squeezed his hand. “I mean, I do have some ideas about what you could do with your extra time, but… Nah. That doesn’t sound like as much fun. Come on.” He stood, pulling Matt up with him. “You ready for this? It’s your day, but we don’t want to keep Pepper and Happy waiting.”

Matt pressed his lips into Bucky’s, then slipped his hand into Bucky’s arm as they walked in silence towards the Sanctum Santorum.

“Everything is all set up there,” Bucky lead him through the plan one last time. “We’ll take you through the portal to Avengers HQ, so nobody could possibly see Matt Murdock go in. The press will be waiting. Pepper will warm them up and make it perfectly clear that you will not be publicly revealing your identity to protect your loved ones, but that you have been fully vetted by the team. Then there will be questions, but you don’t have to answer any you don’t want. If it gets to be too much, just give the signal and either Happy or Pepper will step up to save you. I’ve done it many times; there’s no shame in it. If it doesn’t come to that, Happy will step up after a few questions, introduce Daredevil as the newest Avenger, and reiterate that you’ll be mainly focusing on Hell’s Kitchen but that we’ll be calling on you for bigger things as needed and that the public should expect to see you around. And the whole team will be right behind you the entire time, ok? I’ll be right behind you.”

Matt nodded. He stopped their walking, turning to face Bucky and kissing him. “I love you, James.”

“I love you too, Matty.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all so much for reading! Super thanks to HaniTrash, Treetop_Nymph, ArcticThor, and FajitaShowboat! The original request (for "When Hell Freezes Over") came from FajitaShowboat and was JUST MAKE SOMEONE TAKE CARE OF BUCKY!!! Apparently, although I didn't know it at the time I started, my internal prompt for this one was BUT SOMEBODY NEEDS TO TAKE CARE OF MATT, TOO!!!
> 
> This feels pretty final, but I promise there's more story here to tell. If you haven't done so already, consider subscribing to or bookmarking the Big Gun Bromance series. I already have two one-chapter stories written that are headed that way, and I'm just waiting for the right time to post them. 
> 
> Also, if Daredevil shows up in Black Widow 2 like the rumors are suggesting... oh man will I have a lot of stories to tell about that!!!!
> 
> #SaveDaredevil!!


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